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-   -   Do you think it's possible that I have OCD? (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/76771-do-you-think-its-possible-i-have-ocd.html)

NoonBlueApples 01-01-2004 10:56 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Daniela,
I share so many of your symptoms down to the tee that it is almost scary.
Patterns of five, left right right left (or vice versa), guilt, indecisiveness, fear of doing horrible things in public, washing, and on and on...You are not alone...I am now almost thirty, and have had OCD since early adolescence....(I apologize for any mispellings I may make), and one of the scariest things for me was the fear that I was the only person on earth that had the thoughts that I had....I had no idea what OCD was...I didn't think that there could possibly be a disorder that would have me do all of these strange things....as a child I thought that mental disorders were all about voices in the head and such, I had no idea how many people could possibly share what I thought was an illness that only I possessed...I was so relieved in high school to find another person (by accident) that shared many of the same symptoms....
Daniela, as depressing as it may seem, and the thoughts can drive you absolutely mad, there is a lot of hope that at times may seem completely out of reach but it is neverhteless there. Your story mirrors my childhood in so many ways, although since it wasn't until I was 17 that I had even heard about OCD, I thought for years I was either possessed, or had such a bizare craziness that noone would ever understand ..."they will lock me up for sure", I would worry........."nobody can possibly comprehend the thoughts running through my head"...in all honesty, I still have thoughts that I know are completely OCD related, but are so embarrising that I will never share them....but let me assure you, there is hope.......even through the craziest and most disturbing moments ,there is hope..
Seeking professional help will most likely help immensly, even if it is only for your own clarification....You (and I am not a doctor but please believe me) without a doubt, suffer from OCD....all of the symptoms that you have described.,..literally all of them are without a doubt OCD related...Your posts describe the illness with unbelievable clarity. You are so articulate in your descriptions I am Shocked that you are only thirteen......You (and I know I am only basing this on your writing on this site {which I spent the last hour reading}
have an incredible grasp on what is going on in your head...It took me about a decade to come to the place where you are at now...I hid the disorder from almost everyone because I thpought that nobody would ever understand...but nowadays, much more is known about this malady...you have painted such a vivid picture of OCD...you describe 80% of what goes on in my head better than I could ever possible put into words...but please believe me that there is hope...............I accidentally hit enter before I was done...

NoonBlueApples 01-01-2004 11:13 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
I am having some problems with the tab & enter button, I hope I can continue and still make sense....
what I wanted to finsh my earlier post to Daniela with was that seeking professional help was and is again, one of the best things I ever did....although it may not help everyone, there are medications out there that will do wonders in improving your life....Anafranil has done wonders for me (but I cannot speek for everyone).....medication, although not curing me, has done amazing things with supressing the really bad thoughts....I still do stuff in patterns, and wash over and over again, and check over and over again, and feel guilty, and apologize for no reason, but the REALLY BAD things I do much less....and when I say really bad I am talking about thinking of death/cancer/disease/nonexistance etc. for months even years at a time constantly..day and night..all day convincing myself that no moment could be enjoyed because inevitably my impending doom trumped it all....
Daniela...you are still so young and despite how horrible things may feel now, let me assure you that you have amazing things coming up in your future....I can relate to so much of what you say that it amazes me....some of the things you describe are so specifically the same as what I experience that it shocks even me.....you write so well and have a knowledge way beyond your years, and I have no doubt that you will overcome this and succede beyond your dreams...

TerryB 01-02-2004 06:21 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Daniela,

My four year old, with OCD, will often stare at her plate of food and demand that someone tell her which food to eat first. We use to try to give her some direction but she still wouldn't JUST START EATING! We don't know if it is her OCD but we do treat it like it is. We don't get sucked into it anymore because it keeps the whole family from eating in peace. We'll blow it off and say "just make yourself dive in and eat" or "do you think this is Mr. Worry somehow keeping you from eating?"

Guilt and OCD. My sister, with OCD, practically appologizes for being born. Be a little careful with this one because mean people tend to sense a weakness here and can treat you like dirt sometimes. I think for example that if you appologize for making someone do a job that they are suppose to be doing anyway then they sometime resent do their job (like bagging groceries.)

Terry

gogocrazy 01-02-2004 11:45 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Hey!

Thanks again for the replies, NoonBlueApples and TerryB. It helps me a lot and it's very comforting to know that I'm not alone.

After I read this over again last night, I was so happy. I thought there was hope and I was sure I was going to get help. After I wrote my friend an e-mail (well I kept on erasing it, so that took about an hour and a half) and finished 1 1/2 hours of "before bed" rituals, I was depressed again. I thought everything was so hopeless. This morning I was too scared to go to a doctor again and everything started all over again.

My best friend just got back from a vacation yesterday night, and I told her that for her birthday I was going to take her to a movie. We decided that we wanted to see each other before our Christmas Break ended (since we don't go to the same school) and then she asked me how everything was. I told her that it wasn't too good, my "OCD" was getting worse, and now she's taking me to a doctor tomorrow. I want to get help, but I don't want to go in fear of being wrong, but she'll make me go. I'm so scared, I can't even explain how scared I am. I know that I have to, but I don't know if I'm brave enough. What if I'm not able to tell the doctor all of my symptoms? What if I get too scared? What if I'm wrong? My friend said that they'll be able to diagnose me right at the clinic, and I hope so. I'm just so confused right now. Any advice? Are there any ways I could prepare myself? Should I print off some information on OCD to show the doctor how serious I am, or would that be useless? I really don't know what to do right now, besides go to the doctor.

Anyways, I'll probably post before tomorrow. Thanks for the support.

Thanks,
Daniela

TerryB 01-02-2004 12:38 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Daniela,

I always have a few notes for myself when I see a doctor to remind myself of all the issues that need to be discussed. If you are concerned that you might clam up totally, you might want to write your situation on paper and give it to the doctor to read. Doctors are busy so you want it to be concise and to the point. You might want to start out by saying that you've done some research and you think that you may have OCD and then write all the symptoms that you have starting with the most important ones first so that the doctor really gets the picture in the beginning of your summary.

The most important thing though is for you to go!!!

Terry

gogocrazy 01-03-2004 10:19 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Hey!

I'm still going to a doctor today. I'm so scared. I couldn't stop shaking at all yesterday and I'm shaking even more today. I'm so scared of being wrong and since I'm in so much denial, it seems like a pretty good possibility. When I'm in the middle of obsessions or compulsions, particularly at night before bed (which is now taking at least an hour), I feel certain that I have OCD and I want to get help more than anything. Any other time, even now for example, I'm in so much denial and I don't want to be wrong. If it wasn't for everyone whose responded and my friends, I don't know where I'd be.

I think I figured out how to tell my parents, but the decision isn't final yet and any opinions and suggestions would be appreciated. Two of my closest friends are going to help me tell my math teacher on Monday (the first day back after Christmas Break) and ask her to help me tell my parents. Hopefully she will, and in case that she won't, for whatever reason, I'll think of another way.

I'm going to make notes of my symptoms so I won't forget them and I'm going to tell my friend most of them so she can help me if I freeze up. My friends are being so supportive, it's great. I just can't imagine what I'd do if I were wrong, I can't stand that thought.

There's something else that I'm worried about. Well, my school has a lot of trips and I normally don't go on them because I don't know how successful I'd be at hiding my obsessions and compulsions, I mean it's nearly impossible at home. Last year there were three trips and I didn't go on any of them, but in September of this year there was a mandatory P.E. trip. I went, but it was really hard to keep my compulsions hidden. I completely detached myself from everyone, kept to myself, avoided all possible situations where my obsessions would start then I'd feel forced to do my compulsions, and if I couldn't avoid the situation, I'd try to do it at a different time than everyone else. Nobody noticed anything and just thought I was detaching myself because I felt like it. Coming up at the end of January, however, there's a band trip that I can't miss. Attendance isn't mandatory, but my band teacher will basically make me go. I don't think I'll be very successful in hiding my compulsions this time, my "OCD" has gotten so much worse. Any suggestions with what I can do? I'm really scared about that.

Anyways, I better go. I'll definitely check back before I leave, so any comments would be appreciated. I'm so excited, I'll post my diagnosis ASAP.

Thanks,
Daniela

gogocrazy 01-03-2004 10:13 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Hey!

I don't think I've ever felt this bad in my life. They wouldn't let me see a doctor at the clinic because "I was too young," but that's not true because my best friend's parents used to work there and they said that kids went to see them alone all of the time. Well, I couldn't go, but I'm so scared because my friend gave them my phone number, address, etc. I'm pretty sure they won't call though. I told my best friend's mom today, and she's going to tell my mom tomorrow. I think she's taking me very seriously because I couldn't stop crying when I told her. I'm so scared, but thankfully I'll be going to school on Monday. I don't think my parents will be very happy with me and I'm so scared, but my friends are being great and everything. If any of you have any advice or what I should say to my parents, please post it!

Thanks,
Daniela

TerryB 01-04-2004 05:42 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Daniela, I'm so sorry about the way things turned out! Here's a big ciber hug:
(((((Daniela)))))
Terry

gogocrazy 01-04-2004 10:00 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Hey!

Thanks for the reply. It helps to know that someone's here.

What should I do when my parents find out though? I don't what their reaction is going to be, but I'm guessing they won't be too happy because I told my friend's mom first and tried to go to a doctor. I'm so scared. I don't want them to think of me differently and I don't want to be wrong. What should I say to them when they find out?

Anyways, I better go. I don't know what else to say, I'm terrified right now.

Thanks,
Daniela

TerryB 01-04-2004 12:37 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Daniela, you did try to tell your parents but for whatever reason they didn't understand or hear. Maybe they will understand that you were desperate and really hurting. Terry

gogocrazy 01-04-2004 03:34 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Hey!

Everything went better than I thought. My mom told me that she doesn't think I have OCD, that I'm just stressed out, but she's calling the doctor tomorrow. My dad doesn't really know, but I'm sure my mom will tell him right away. My mom made it very clear that she doesn't think it's OCD, but she still wants to get it checked out and everything, just in case. I told her most of my symptoms, but she just said I like patterns and it's a nervous habit, so I don't know. I'm confused, but not as scared.

Anyways, I'll post as soon as I know anything else.

Thanks,
Daniela

TerryB 01-04-2004 06:05 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Daniela, it's a breakthrough. Your Mom at least recognizes that there is a problem! Terry

gogocrazy 01-04-2004 06:18 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Hey!

I know, I'm so happy! I'm a little embarrassed and I'll be embarrassed if I'm wrong, but I'm so happy to be getting help. I'm probably going to be getting some meds tomorrow and I'm going to a doctor for anxiety. My mom kept on saying that I'm not a kid who has OCD, that there's nothing wrong. She said that I have stable relationships and I'm pretty open with my emotions. Do you still think I have OCD? She's pretty convincing, but I think it's more than just stress, because other than this, the problems in my life are pretty bearable.

Thanks,
Daniela

TerryB 01-04-2004 06:29 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
I wouldn't stress yourself out over the diagnosis. The way that I see it you could easily have OCD, anxiety and depression. They often go together. I would have situational anxiety and depression if I went through what you have been experiencing just trying to get a diagnosis. The important thing is that you are going! Terry

red16 01-05-2004 01:33 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
I've been reading this thread and I just have to comment on how strong your being. I'm a year older than you and was recently diagnosed with OCD after having a major panic attack becauseI got severe unwanted thoughts in my head. It all made sense especially when I started thinking and realized I do some other things that have to be related to OCD thought they never stopped me form anything before. It's great your finally getting help, meds will definatley help just keep in mind they don't work right away. I'm sorry your mom is having so much trouble with accepting the fact you have OCD (I don't think your wrong don't be nervous about the diagnoses). I'd suggest talking to her about how your not crazy and her baby will be okay, it's sort of like your brain short circuited a bit or a broken record as my psycologist put it. OCD can definatley cause depression and anxiety, I experience it from the OCD and another illness I have been dealing with. Best of luck, you'll be okay, I hope all went well with the doctor today (hey that rhymed, yes I get amused way to easily). okay I'm done;)

gogocrazy 01-05-2004 07:54 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Hey!

I didn't get meds. My mom said she would get them, but she didn't and I haven't asked her yet. I'm going to a psychologist on Thursday morning for kids who have OCD-like symptoms, but don't have OCD. My mom also bought me "Brain Lock" today and when I said "But you said I don't have OCD," she said "You don't, but in the first chapter it says it helps with rituals that are like OCD." I hope that if I do have OCD, which I still think I do, the psychologist will tell me it's more serious than just symptoms. If I don't, then it's great I'm getting help and hopefully I'll be able to beat my symptoms.

By the way, thanks for the replies TerryB and red16. By the way, good luck red16 with everything. Yeah, my parents are in a lot of denial, but everything's better than it was before. It's great that I'm going to a psychologist too because if I have anything else (like anxiety or depression), she'll probably catch that.

Anyways, I better get going. Thanks again!

Thanks,
Daniela

MrsLee 01-06-2004 07:32 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Daniela,

I am so glad you are finally getting help! I agree that you are being very strong. It definately sounds like you mom is in denial. I don't think it has anything to do with your relationships or openness with emotions. Mental disorders are exactly that: a disease with your brain that is not your fault. Psychologists know how these diseases work and should be able to explain this to your mom. Please don't worry about the exact diagnosis. The main thing is that you are getting help for your problem, whatever it may be. I am so proud of you. I can't wait to hear how your appointment goes. Good luck and take care!

gogocrazy 01-14-2004 05:40 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Hey!

My parents are still convinced that I'm completely normal. All my psychologist said was that it's definitely OCD-stuff and she mentioned that maybe I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I definitely think that I have OCD and I really want to get help. She's going to try to help me without medication, but if I don't show any progress, I'm probably going to get put on meds. I'm seeing her again tomorrow and then next Wednesday or Thursday, then after that again. We just haven't set any dates because I have my band trip that week. There's a slight chance that I won't be able to go, but I probably will be.

The psychologist seemed nice, but I really want an official diagnosis so that I'm sure and I don' thave to constantly ask myself if I am normal, if my parents are right, and if I'm just worrying for nothing. Whenever I question that it doesn't last long because a symptom starts up, but I question myself frequently. I don't know, I'm still very confused. I still think I'm depressed, but I don't know how to tell my psychologist. Any suggestions? I don't know if I am actually depressed, but a lot of times life doesn't seem worth living and I just want to die. I don't know.

Anyways, I'll post after I go to the psychologist tomorrow. Sorry I didn't reply sooner, and thanks for the reply Mrs.Lee!

Daniela

TerryB 01-14-2004 06:08 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
Daniela,

Be absolutely truthful with your therapist. Write it down before you see her.
It is standard with young folks to try without meds first. Let us know what you are doing to combat the OCD. It will help reinforce it I think and we'll tell you if anything sounds fishy, like the psychologist is not too familiar with OCD.

Terry

red16 01-15-2004 12:23 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
 
I'm glad your getting help:) definatley talk to your psychologist about the depression, you made need to be on medicine for that. are you seeing a psychiatrist aong with the psychologist(im so happy im finally remembering which is which because my memory has been shot lately lol)? I hope you start to feel better soon!


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