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MrsLee 01-15-2004 02:05 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
HI Daniela,
I am so proud of you for finally getting help. I know you will feel better soon. PLease keep us updated. Keep your head up sweety. :)

gogocrazy 01-16-2004 12:05 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?

Yesterday my psychologist said that I have OCD and GAD. I told her that I wanted to know because I wanted to know exactly what was wrong with me, so she told me it was OCD. She wants me to write down all of my rituals, from easiest to hardest, and stop the ones that are the easiest and work up from that. This week I'm trying to blow my nose without my "right, left, left, right" rhythm. After the session, my mom came in, and the psychologist told her that I have OCD. She didn't show any reaction and just said okay. She still doesn't think it's OCD though. She thinks that I have a compulsive personality which, if not treated, can turn into OCD. She says that maybe I have GAD. I'm so worried about my band trip, so my psychologist suggested that maybe I should tell my band teacher. Yesterday my mom told my band teacher for me when she dropped me off at school and all she said to me was that she respected the situation and if I need to tell her anything, I can. My mom just said that I've been seeing a psychologist and everything's leaning towards that I have OCD but she didn't mention the GAD.

Today my parents have an appointment with the psychologist because she wanted to meet my dad. She's going to tell them what kind of support I need and how it's important for me to call this OCD. I'm seeing her again on Monday instead of Thursday because I have midterms on Thursday. She wants to come to my house to see everything, so I don't know if that's going to be before or after my band trip.

Yeah, I'm probably going to tell the psychologist about my depression soon. I just want to get all of the OCD and GAD stuff straightened out first. It's not at all severe, but hopefully I'll be put on medication for that when I do tell her.

I'm just seeing a psychologist, just not a pyschiatrist.

Anyways, thanks for all of the replies. I'll post again soon.


TerryB 01-17-2004 06:32 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
Sounds like incredible progress now Daniela! I'm so happy for you. Your mom is doing her best it sounds to help you. It seems like she is trying to keep positive about the whole thing. I think that you are right to want to know exactly what you are dealing with. Terry

gogocrazy 01-19-2004 03:30 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?

Thanks for the reply, TerryB. It is incredible progress, and I appreciate it very much. I do really want to know what I'm dealing with, but today when I asked my psychologist if I also had OCD, she said that I was showing symptoms of it but the important thing was overcoming my OCD first since it's causing me the most stress.

As I mentioned, I saw my psychologist again today. On Saturday, I beat two rituals: the one where I have to blow my nose to the rhythm right, left, left, right and the one where I tap each computer five times before I go to bed. On Sunday, however, everything seemed so real and I just couldn't stop. I also started organizing everything, or else I was sure that a burgular would break into my house. When I gave my dog a treat, I felt like I had to organize all of the treat bags. When I put my lunch in the fridge, I felt that I had to organize all of the contents of the fridge, making the labels face forward. Today has been a little better though.

I brought up my depression with my psychologist today. I just said that I had been feeling depressed lately, that I felt no one cared. I didn't mention my suicidal thoughts, although I know I should have. If I have enough courage, I'll bring those up with her next week.

Today my parents met with the headmaster of my school. As I mentioned in the early posts, this year I was put in a class with people who I think aren't very academically inclined but the school refused to move me. The headmaster said that he'd look into moving me now though and if he can't, I could do home-schooling for the classes that cause me the most stress and still have a spot in Grade 10 (next year). He said that the teachers would monitor my work, but I could work at home. My only concern is that I don't want to leave a girl in my class who doesn't talk to our classmates as well. I guess I'll make that decision with I come to it, any opinions?

The headmaster was also wondering if, provided it is okay with me, my psychologist could talk to my teachers and tell them what they could do to support me. I am very open to this idea as my teachers are very good, but it isn't final yet. It's probably going to take place after band camp, which is next week.

Anyways, I'll post again when something new comes up.


TerryB 01-19-2004 07:21 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
I take it that the students in that class are not very academically inclined and they want to prevent other students from succeeding? That's a real problem if they are ruining the educational environment and creating stress in the class. It seems like the class is out of control if you are being denied access to an education because of the class environment. I would think that the school should give the teacher an aid or watch dog of some sort. Oh... but that would be too much money to invest in education! Well, since we know that isn't likely to happen, they should really start getting some of the worst kids out of the class. Your right to an education is more important than their rights.

gogocrazy 01-20-2004 04:50 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?

Thanks for the reply, TerryB. I don't think they're intentionally ruining the educational environment, but I think they just go to school to socialize and don't really care about others while they're talking. I mean I don't think kids shouldn't socialize in school, a lot of times my friends are what keep me going, but they're constantly talking and then my class gets piled up with homework and detentions because they were being so loud and the teacher couldn't teach.

The school called back and said that they can't have me put into a different class. At my school, there are 12 students to each class, no more and less. They said that if I find someone who wants to switch classes and it's okay with their parents, they'll switch me. My dad's really mad and he wants to take it to the chairman of the board (the founder of the school). I don't know what I want to do yet.

The headmaster asked again if my psychologist would be willing to talk to my teachers to tell them what they can do to help me and my psychologist wants to do that as soon as possible. At first my headmaster wanted to know if she could talk to the school counsellor, but my mom basically thinks he's useless and doesn't want me talking to him at all (he was the one who made up the classes). I said again that I'd appreciate my psychologist talking to my teachers, so it'll probably happen soon.

I'm seeing my psychologist again on Monday, then after band camp (I leave the next day) she wants to come to the house to see everything. My parents think this is a good idea and I wouldn't mind either. Right now she just wants to work on getting me prepared for the band trip since I'm so nervous about it. I hope everything will turn out fine though, I mean my really close friends are coming with me and the only person from my class that's coming is my friend. I guess I'm just worried about everyone finding out because most of my friends don't know yet.

Anyways, I better go.


MrsLee 01-21-2004 05:02 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
HI Daniela,

I am so happy about the progress you are making!

From what you've said it sounds like the other students in your class aren't taking learning seriously, and maybe that makes you feel out of place to actually cooperate and learn? That's what I got out of what you said, may be wrong though. If that's what you mean, then I can relate. It wasn't until probably my junior year of college where I could see that most students really cared about learning (or at least passing) and you wouldn't be called a dork for trying and participating. That's very frustrating. It's also frustrating when the teacher has no control over the class.

I hope you have a great time at band camp. I wouldn't worry so much about everyone finding out. They won't know unless you tell them. Teachers and other school officials are not supposed to tell student's medical histories to anyone else. I'm not sure where you are, but I think there's actually a law about that.

Well honey, I hope things keep on getting better for you. Take care and God bless!

gogocrazy 01-31-2004 03:14 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?

Thanks for the reply, MrsLee.

I just got back from band camp yesterday and it was a lot of fun. I had a few moments where I felt so overwhelmed and one night I even started crying and hyper-ventilating and I couldn't stop for about thirty minutes, but two of my friends are great. I'm just feel so overwhelmed with everything, although I know I should feel lucky. My problems are minuscule compared to other people's problems, but everything's stressing me out and it doesn't seem too small to me, regardless of how many times I try to tell myself that they are small. I can't really explain it, but I don't want to give people the impression that I'm wallowing in self-pity. I don't really know.

I don't really feel out of place to cooperate and learn. I used to, but I grew out of that phase a couple years ago. I just get so frusterated because they have no desire to do anything productive and I feel like I need an organized environment to learn. I'm sure I could find someone who would switch into my class, but I don't know what I should do. It would be really hard to adjust to new teachers and everything and I know I'd receive a lot of unwanted attention considering that it's a very rare occurrence for the school to switch a student to another class.

This Wednesday my psychologist is meeting with my teachers to try to teach them strategies to help me. Then about every week, a teacher is going to report to my parents what has been happening. I'm just so confused.

Lately I've becoming extremely impatient and anything can set me off. The smallest things that used to bother me, however they aren't a big deal, greatly agitate me now. I'm having major mood swings and I just don't know what to feel anymore. I know I need help and I'm quite certain I'm depressed but I don't know how to approach the issue with my psychologist and tell her how serious it really is. Last week I tried telling her about my suicidal thoughts, but she just seemed to classify them an obsession. When I told her that I'm constantly thinking about them and gave her an example that when I got up to get a hoody, I thought "Will I ever come back to sit in this chair or will I kill myself before?" she seemed very surprised and I couldn't deal with her reaction so I just said "But I don't think I ever would" quickly to avoid any unwanted situation. I don't know if I ever would do anything, I think I'd be too scared, but I'm experiencing so many emotions and I'm so confused. I'm so scared of being put into a hospital. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I'm so confused.

At band camp, my symptoms lessened a little. I believe this is do to a change in my environment, however they were still there. For instance, when I went shopping with my friends, I was very conscience of where I stepped and would avoid stepping on any cracks. I didn't step on one crack the whole night, I thought my parents were going to die if I did. I did, however, walk away from a shelf with watches on it and fought the urge to arrange all of the watches. I haven't had the urge to arrange for very long though, so it's easier to resist as oppose to the urge to avoid stepping on cracks, for instance.

I don't know about medication. I don't have much experience involving medication and I was wondering if anyone has any input on the positive or negative effects of medication? Thanks.

On Monday, my psychologist is coming to my house to observe my surroundings and obtain a greater understanding of my rituals. Since she doesn't know what my house looks like (the distance from the bathroom to my room, for example), she doesn't believe she understands my rituals as well as she could. After I show her my house, we're continuing with a regular appointment where I express my concerns and she gives input in my house.

My psychologist is helpful, however I feel that she treats me younger than I am. I don't mean to sound like a child who believes that he or she is much more mature than he or she actually is, however this frusterates me a fair amount. I don't believe the psychologist is immature in any way, I just believe that she's using the regular approach with a 13 year old and I believe I could be benefitted more if she talked to me in a more mature manner. Do any of you think this would make a difference? If so, would you recommend any way in which I could approach this matter? I don't want her to be offended in any way.

Anyways, sorry for the long response. I just had a lot on my mind, however small it may seem, and this is the only place where I feel anyone understands.


aimazing 02-01-2004 11:07 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
awww, hunny. I feel for you- it must be really hard.

I'd recommend that you approach the matter about how your physcologist treats you, with an apology before hand. Just something like "I'm sorry if this offends you in any way but..." then lead on from there. She should be understanding and therefore after you've discussed it, treat you as a more mature person. That step in itself is mature.

I've thought similar thoughts and when I really did try to kill myself, I remember thinking "this is the last time I'll see my parents." I was on my way to school. I was so out of control. I'm dealing with something similar, although very different in ways. I don't have the compulsions so much, it's just pure obsession around a person, but I can relate to your fustration and fear.

Also when you were hyperventalating it sounds like a panic attack and I can relate to them as well as I suffer frequently from them. I'd recomend you keep a track of them should you get anymore and mention it to your physcologist.

For medication, I've been told they avoid perscribing with younger people if it is possible, but I don't really know a lot about it. Mine is more anxiety. If you would like to try this- or just discuss it- either you could look it up online to find out more or mention it to your physcologist.

If you are getting really desperate and feeling like killing yourself, I would recomend you try to breach the subject again. Else, if you are scared of reprecussions with the physcologist, phone a help line and just talk through your feelings anyway. If you ever feel like you can't take it anymore phone a helpline then too.

Your friends sound really great. It's good that you have them to support and help you.

Take care. Sorry if I haven't been much help.


red16 02-02-2004 01:36 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
I'm glad things are starting to turn around even if there are lotss of bumps, feel better:)

WizardPhrog 02-03-2004 04:38 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
Um, I just read your entire post (when I should have been doing your homework). I forget how old you are, but you mentioned you are in Junior High. I'm 14 and, like you, I think I have OCD, although it's not causing me as much distress as it's causing you. I was orginally not going to post, but I decided that it might help you if you heard from someone around your age and in the same uncertainty (did I spell that right?).
Unlike you, my "OCD" isn't generalized; that meaning my "rituals" all have to do with one thing: germs. I have the ultimate hatred for germs. I sterilize the toilet seat and flusher everytime I go. I sanitze my computer, my hands, and my school desk before I sit down. I recently started washing every untensil before I use it to make sure it's clean. I refuse to use public bathrooms (they are too dirty, ew!) and when I absolutly have to, I don't sit down. When I lend someone a pencil, I either throw the pencil away, let them keep it, or sterilze it. I don't eat at other people's houses and I take two showers a day. If I don't do it, I feel "dirty" or "unclean". I know it's not rational, but, like I said, I feel "dirty". I don't allow people to get too close to me at all, giving my mom the impression I don't like her.
My mom thinks what I do it crazy. She thinks it's stupid and I should get a grip. I haven't told her because I have the fear of being wrong. I've been learning everything I can about OCD to try to see if I have it.
Now that you've heard my story, maybe you won't feel so lonely. My "OCD" isn't nearly as bad as your's seems to be, my maybe someday soon you'll look back on this time and remember how you felt with a kind of certainty and persistance because, Daneila, you are strong. You are stronger than me for seeking help. I just want to stay, stick in there, you'll pull through.

DrummerKev147 02-04-2004 02:37 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
Yeah, it sounds like you have OCD. But you should see a counselor to be sure. I have similar physical tics, involving my shoulder, neck and hands/fingers.

WizardPhrog 02-04-2004 03:24 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
I just read my post over and it's a mess. "I should have been going your homework"? Anyway, I just wanted to make a few changes:

Your= my
my= shouldn't belong there

I hope it makes more sense.

DrummerKev147 02-04-2004 03:49 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
I had something similar to the swallowing thing. One summer several years ago I had a fear of choking and wouldn't eat solid food. That lasted several weeks, and was pretty scary. Just thought I'd share that experience. What's comforting is I eventually got over it, and maybe you can too.

FarmGirl30 02-07-2004 02:41 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
To the original poster (sorry, cant recall your name),

YES, please tell your parents about all of this OCD stuff. The reason why is because I, too, had similar symptoms as you do now. I was 9 years old when I first noticed them and didn't know what to make of them. I didnt think they were normal, but I just didnt know what to do. I felt I was "weird" and certainly different, and was afraid someone might think I was crazy (this was 21 years ago, when OCD wasnt nearly as well-known as it is now). In no way do I intend to frighten you as this was my own *personal* experience, but by the time I was 13, then 14, I went from severe anxiety with the OCD symptoms into a full-blown suicidal depression. I tried to kill myself several times. At age 30, I still struggle with chronic depression (which turns out was from Lyme Disease all along! But alas, thats another story). What I want to say is that my not telling anyone about my OCD might not have prevented the course my life took and continued to take, but, and here is what I want to get across, *my not telling anyone/parents, caused me such a great amount of internal conflict that it affected every aspect of my life*. I DON'T want this to happen to you. I am proud of you already, for telling some of your friends. This is great! You unloaded on them and saw that nothing bad happened. They still like and accept you. They're still your friends. As wonderful as friends are though, you still require some more intervention (unless you are ok to recognize you have this problem, know you arent crazy in any way whatsoever, and can accept that). It's just that today there are medications that can help control the underlying mechanisms that cause a person to become OCD in the first place. You are very young, so I am not sure if any meds would yet be tried for you (and to be honest, I'm not fond of kids taking those kinds of meds). But a counselor could be helpful to talk to about any fears or other concerns you might be having. Just having someone to talk to and validate your feelings can be very freeing.

I am impressed by how well you write and express yourself! You write better than many adults in America right now! I'm serious. Many people with OCD are good writers and creative, artistic in one way or another. So there are "good" things to having this problem, and can balance the "bad."

And I guess I felt so drawn to your post because if only someone had been there for me when I was that age, to listen to me and take me seriously (noone ever did). And I dont think the hell I had coming ahead could have been averted, I don't, but *sigh* It's important to get things out in the open, out in the light and not keep them in the darkness so to speak. No secrets, no worries, no fears. Believe me when I tell you that life is so much easier and better this way.

God bless you,


Deborah22 02-08-2004 01:01 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
I find this all a little strange. I have severe OCD and, until I had a breakdown and was diagnosed a couple years ago, I totally believed that everything I did was either normal or a serious defect on my part which I would never have told anyone about. It sounds to me like possibly you want to have OCD and maybe what you really need is something to do that will keep you from dwelling on these "symptoms."

WizardPhrog 02-08-2004 04:30 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
[QUOTE=Deborah22]I find this all a little strange. I have severe OCD and, until I had a breakdown and was diagnosed a couple years ago, I totally believed that everything I did was either normal or a serious defect on my part which I would never have told anyone about. It sounds to me like possibly you want to have OCD and maybe what you really need is something to do that will keep you from dwelling on these "symptoms."[/QUOTE]

I have to disagree. I am 14 and while I have yet to be diagnosed, I think I may have OCD. I first noticed it a few months back, but I forget how it started. I thought I was just being really clean and it was absolutly nothing to worry about. However, then I found a chatroom in which people were talking about OCD. I matched one of the definitions to a T. Unlike Daniela, I don't dwell on the fact I might have OCD. However, had you read the recent posts, you would have found she did have OCD and was diagnosed.

That may had been your case, and I am sure many others' as well, but not every person is like that.

gogocrazy 02-08-2004 09:10 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?

Thanks for the reply, aimazing, red16, WizardPhrog (well thanks for the three replies), DrummerKev147, FarmGirl30, and Deborah22.

I told my psychologist about my suicidal thoughts on Monday. She said she didn't have to tell my parents unless I told her I was going to kill myself. Otherwise she doesn't have to. She made me promise I wouldn't kill myself in the next week and I'm seeing her again tomorrow. I'm feeling a lot better now, however at this point in time things feel kind of hopeless. Thing are however, starting to turn around and I should be thankful, regardless of the bumps (as you mentioned, red16). If I'm feeling worse, I'll call a help line or something of the sort as you mentioned, aimazing. Thanks.

Thanks for the reply, WizardPhrog. I feel like I can really relate to you. As you mentioned, my OCD is more generalized, however I also have a phobia of germs. I developed it recently though and it is not to the same extent as yours. Like you, I won't use public washrooms, I wash my utensils before I use them to make sure they're "clean," and I don't eat at other people's houses. I also won't touch public door knobs, or certain public items that I consider "contaminated." My mom thinks I'm crazy too. My dad also has rituals, so he understands a little better, but he still refuses to believe that I have OCD. Oh well, maybe they will eventually. Thanks again for the reply. If you ever need anything, I'm here.

Thanks for the reply, FarmGirl30. I have an immense amount of respect for you having gone through what you did. You post really made me reflect on how lucky I truly am. Thanks.

Along with Wizard Phrog, I disagree with you, Deborah22. As WizardPhrog mentioned, I have been diagnosed with OCD. I do not, in any way, want OCD. I do, however, want a cause for my absurd behaviors. I don't want the only explanation to be that I'm crazy. I believe that part of my dwelling on this is due to my GAD (which I have been diagnosed with in additon to my OCD). Actually, part of the diagnosis criteria for OCD is that the person realized, at one point during the disorder, that the obsessions or compulsions are excessive and illogical (this does not apply to children, however). I realized that my obsessions and compulsions did not make any sense and I did some research. I came along information of OCD in my research and I felt like I matched a lot of the things perfectly. Trying to distract myself from my OCD proves to be a useless attempt. At this point in time, it seems impossible for me to stop, but hopefully that will change. I do not in any way mean to offend you or give you the impression that I do not believe your situation was legitimate. My circumstances are very different than yours. I think that the majority of young people would be worried if they thought they had a mental illness, maybe not as much as I was though. I just don't agree with your statement.

Anyways, I should go. Thanks again for the wealth of replies. Sorry for not replying sooner, I was realy busy. I'll try to respond quicker than I did this last time. I'll post about how everything went with my psychologist.


Deborah22 02-08-2004 10:48 AM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
How very interesting! And I mean that seriously. I clearly have an entirely different problem than everyone else. I am most interested by your comment that you'd rather think there was a reason other than that you were crazy. I have a team of about 8 doctors - including those that the federal government made me see when I applied for disability. I see a therapist weekly. The focus of that therapy is that I need to understand that I [I]am[/I] crazy or, at least, that I will never be anything approaching normal. This has been incredibly liberating because I am no longer distressed by my inability to behave as other people do. I am learning to use my OCD in my career - I am a film producer so it is a very valuable tool - but at the same time am learning what my limitations are. For instance, because I'm obsessed with numbers and counting, I have to let my partner handle the budgets. I have a definite sense of having a handicap but one that is a blessing. My OCD is a serious part of who I am and I wouldn't be who I am without it.

I am always uncomfortable about sharing this part of it but my diagnosis is actually brilliant madness which manifests as OCD. Maybe that's the difference.

WizardPhrog 02-08-2004 03:55 PM

Re: Do you think it's possible that I have OCD?
OCD can manifest in many different ways. I just learned today that my dad has OCD. He organizes everything and must having everything in a certain place. It's almost infinate how many kinds of OCD there are. However, no one is alone; that meaning everyone shares and OCD trait with another. Congrats on your improvment, Daniela!

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