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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Fear of Acting on Impulse

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Old 10-17-2011, 01:56 AM   #1
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Lakes001 HB User
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Fear of Acting on Impulse

For over 40 years I believe I have been caring out ritualistic/repetitive behavior to assure that whatever gave me anxiety did not occur. Consant rechecking to make sure doors locked, stove off, right shoe slightly ahead of the left shoe when placed in closet, etc. If I have a bad or negative thought while I was doing something, I would stop what I was doing and start over. I will type over an entire paragraph at times if I have an impulsive/negative thought while doing it. The frequency and level of ritualistic behavior depends on what else is going on in my life. The busier I am the better. It seemed like the past fears always focused on my safety. I was afraid if something happened to me someone would step into my family and replace me.

I have a very supportive wife. My adult daughters may suspect dad is a little obsessive at times but probably don't know what's going on. I suspect my oldest daughter has similar issues.

The ritualistic behavior seemed to be enough to get me through the day. However the past year I have replaced the typical "safety related" worries with a fear of acting on impulse. I am afraid I will do things I can not control. I have not gone to sleep when grandkids are over because I feared I would/could harm them without knowing it.

I refuse hotel rooms with balconies because I am afraid I'll jump. I will not leave a voice message to a co-worker because I am afraid I would say something offensive. I send an email instead so I can re-read it several times to assure myself I did not do so. I am an avid hunter and now I find myself on the verge of canceling trips because I could act on impulse and hurt myself even thought that is the last thing in the world I would ever want. The acting on impulse worry has me frozen in my tracks. If I can not control it how can I prevent type of worry.

It is like these impulsive thoughts attack what's the most precious in my life. I would never hurt my family or myself. I suspect most people with these thoughts quickly dismiss them as being ridiculous. The fear seems so real to me. I have an appointment next week to talk to someone about this for the first time since the late 1980's. In the meantime I can't decide to face my fears or keep making excuses and avoid any event that causes me anxiety. Sometimes I feel like saying screw it and quit ritualizing and just go forward and see what happens in my life. This brave talk usually lates about an hour or so.

This acting on an impulsive thought really has me scared.

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Old 10-17-2011, 01:03 PM   #2
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TrainOfThought HB UserTrainOfThought HB UserTrainOfThought HB User
Re: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Fear of Acting on Impulse

Hey, you wont upon them, the very thing that makes you feel disgusted by those thoughts indicates that you will truly not act over those thoughts. OCD is a paradoxical disease meaning that intrusive thoughts attack over the things you are not and that you fear them. You wont act on impulse, but it could definitely torment you, best thing to do is seek for help.
Hope this helps

Old 10-19-2011, 12:54 AM   #3
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 6
Lakes001 HB User
Re: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Fear of Acting on Impulse

Thanks. Your comments support what I've been reading , which is just about everything I can get my hands on. You're right about the torment part. I have an appointment on 10/24 to start the process of learning how to deal with this. Your comment provides some comfort. Thanks.

Old 10-19-2011, 01:35 PM   #4
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Humboldt
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lostgirl40 HB User
Re: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Fear of Acting on Impulse

I need help I am on twitter and I start talking to someone and the minute they ignore or block me I won't leave them alone I start other accounts and then ask others about them so then they get mad these are people obsessions does anyone do this I feel so alone in all of this

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