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Awful Feeling of Dread

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Old 11-12-2011, 11:04 AM   #1
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Awful Feeling of Dread

I have been reading these boards for a while, and whenever I'm feeling particularly awful it's comforting to know that there are others out there experiencing the same thoughts/situations. Today is a really bad day for me, and I would like to vent...

I have been suffering from OCD for four years now, and ever since then my life has never been the same. My fears and obsessions have gone through several phases and themes, but the one thing that remains the same is that awful feeling of dread and truly horrible feeling of anxiety. From the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep, it's this horrible feeling that something awful is going to happen to you, and you spend every moment trying to avoid any possible situation it can occur. Once you experience that feeling, you're never the same person. it's impossible to go back to being the person you used to be, and although you gradually learn to live with it and find ways of coping, it's never completely out of your mind.

I noticed that my OCD flares up when I'm going through stressful situations and right now would be one of those times. I'm extremely stressed about work and my career in general. Things are not going well at my new job, I just relocated back home, and I am worried every day that I'm going to get fired, won't be able to find a new job, and will never work again. On top of this, I am terrified that my boyfriend will leave me and have convinced myself that I'm not good enough to be with him. Lately I have been spending every single day in constant despair, and end up in crying spells.

My anxiety has really taken a toll on our relationship. My boyfriend is trying to be as supportive as he can, but I'm sure he feels like I"m crazy and unstable and is tired of putting up with this. I unintentionally push him away and start fights because I'm scared he's going to leave me, and it's ruining our relationship. I need help before I completely push him away. The past couple of days I've really been forcing myself to be happy around him and not let my depression show, because I just want to be normal and do not want him not to think I'm this psycho he has to deal with on a daily basis. But inside I'm feeling so awful and am living with this obsessive feeling of dread and constant fear something horrible is going to happen. I don't have any reason to feel this way and it seems it's coming out of nowhere, and lately it's been getting worse

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tinkerbell45 (11-13-2011)
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Old 11-13-2011, 11:15 AM   #2
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Re: Awful Feeling of Dread

Hi there Sarrfon83 its Tinkerbell45.I just finished reading your post and the first question that popped into my head was have you been to a dr about the OCD and anxious feelings?If not that would be my first suggestion to you and maybe some therapy to go along with it.As for your boyfriend i am not sure how long you have been together but i would just sit down with him and explain(to the best of your ability) exactly how you feel and that it has nothing to do with him.I totally understand about the job because i know how hard it is to put on a happy face every morning when all you really want to do is stay at home.Can i ask why you relocated was it for the job you have now or to be closer to your family and boyfriend?There IS wonderful help out there for people like us(i suffer from OCD,MAJOR DEPRESSION and being BI-POLAR) i try not to let it ruin my life too much but sometimes it does get the best of me and i just have to go with it.I wish you all the best and i hope you will keep me posted on how things are going.Until next time TAKE CARE!!!


Old 11-13-2011, 07:11 PM   #3
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Re: Awful Feeling of Dread

Hi Tinkerbell

Yes, I have been to several doctors. Therapy is helpful, but I haven't been to any docs since I've been back in town. I have an appt to see one while I'm back here.

I actually relocated back here to be closer to my family, but my bf doesn't want to be back here. He wants to be closer to his job, which is where we were before, but I felt like we were just fighting all the time being there. A huge part of the reason why I moved back was because we were fighting so much, and I missed my family.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years. He is well aware of my OCD and all of my crazy obsessions, and has been as supportive as he can be, although you and I both know that unless you go through this you have no idea how it feels to be in this position. Sometimes I feel like he thinks i'm just nuts and is going to leave me, and that he's going to get tired of putting up with my crazy episodes.

The bottom line is, I feel completely lost and clueless. I am just really looking for solace and I dont' know where to go...the depression feels debilitating at times and I don't want it to eat at my life and ruin my relationships. I just want to be happy and carefree again like I was four years ago, btu it feels like I'll never get back to that point.

Last edited by Saffron83; 11-13-2011 at 10:49 PM.

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