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Long time Depression/Panic sufferer... now experiencing OCD symptoms

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Old 05-29-2012, 12:25 PM   #1
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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2errishuman HB User
Long time Depression/Panic sufferer... now experiencing OCD symptoms

Hello everyone - I am reaching out to the OCD community to see if what I have been experiencing lately would even be considered OCD behavior. I have had Panic Disorder since I was a child (I am now 44) and have been a depressive most of my life. But OCD is a whole new ballgame. I am on meds but not specifically for these symptoms. Am wondering if a med change could help.

Basically, I was in an extra marital relationship for a few years that recently ended. I know that many will judge me for that. I am not saying it was the right thing to do. I am only saying that if you knew my entire story, you might understand why I went down that path. It was not an act of disregard but more of survival. But it was never a decision about which I was proud. Ever.

The affair ended badly. I am still in love with him. He has moved on with another affair partner but only after having us both in his life for a period of time without my knowledge. I know I don't deserve honesty when I was dishonest myself. But it was all very painful.

We have remained friends - and I don't know why I feel this compulsion to still have him in my life. I think about him constantly - far more often than I did when we were actually together. I think about the new woman he is with and wonder what she gives him that I couldn't. This script seems to cycle through my head on a 24 hour loop. I cannot get peace. I want to cut him out of my life completely but I feel this desperate need to have contact with him.

I am a prisoner of my own thoughts. It is triggering severe depression and anxiety. I am just miserable and I am not able to concentrate on those people in my life i TRULY should be concentrating on.

I am in a cycle of self-hatred that is never ending. Is this OCD? And is recognizing it as such a step in the right direction?

Thank you for reading this - and for allowing the thoughts in my head to come out on my keyboard. - A

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Old 05-29-2012, 03:33 PM   #2
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Re: Long time Depression/Panic experiencing OCD symptoms for the first

Hi I only want to know if there has been a recent sore throat or other infection because I read a book that said obsessive compulsive disorder can be caused by a streptococcus infection. It can be passed by someone who is a carrier of it.

Old 06-05-2012, 05:56 PM   #3
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eriksp HB User
Re: Long time Depression/Panic experiencing OCD symptoms for the first

First thing, no one is here to judge you Your Health is what's important. It doesn't sound like OCD.. I'm not an expert that's just my take on the story and the love you had for him.

Again you might be in some kind of mourning crisis I am not sure. Your depression is real. I can see that.

I would see a therapist. They would be able to see the picture more clear.

Last edited by eriksp; 06-05-2012 at 05:58 PM.

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