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    Old 04-04-2013, 09:09 AM   #1
    yingyang1
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    rocd and past relationships

    hi, i messed up recently a few days ago with a friendship i had with an ex gf, we I had dated when she was about 19, i was 20 at the time. She was the only girl firend ive had and we were together for maybe 9 months. Im 30 years old now and she is nearly 29 and it was some months ago that I had re added her on ******** recently to keep in contact. Looking back at what she has been up to ive seen how she wnet to university and is now married with kids and a house and it has affected me.

    It has seriously upset me and i have been constantly tearful and have wondered how it could have been me who spent those years of being together. On the most part I have been alright about us not being together all these years and its only since I have had added her again that it has upset me. I have been seriously obsessing over it, working out how the years had gone by and wondering why she broke up as it was odd and so sudden and having thoughts like how she might have possibly cheated on me. It mgiht be part of the nature of ocd where i dont feel satisified that i have all the answers to something and i feel driven to know more of the details. The reasons she gave at the time is she thought i wasnt improving with the ocd for the sake of relationship and it has only been recently that she admited that it was actually because she didnt love me. She was suffering with her chrons at the time and was afraid to not have someone to love and to be loved and to be able to have kids etc. She said how she was over compensating with me and fooled herself into loving me.

    Because of hearing this and my ocd seriously affecting me the past 12 months or so, I have acted badly towards her online and hounded her at the time of the conversation. I was saying about how badly she acted because of this even though she apologized. I kept going over things with her finding it difficult to accept that she was able to fool herself into loving me for so long and telling me that she loved me. She was saying how ludicrous it was to care over something that happened so long ago and that she didnt want to keep in contact with me and blocked me.

    For the last few years I have been stuck at home and have barely gone out of the house due to the ocd and the fact that im now 30 hasnt maybe helped either. I have maybe made the past seem more romanticized and more closer than it is. I think im finding it difficult to rationalize over how irational i have been and the fact that it was so long ago and I should be over it. It might be that ive been finding it difficult to see the forest for the trees and I havnt been able to see the bigger picture. How i acted towards her isnt like me at all and I was always someone who acted appropiately and was careful in my actions.

    Im just wondering if anyone else has seriously obsessed over a very old relationship and where they acted badly to their ex in later years. If anyone can mention how they have coped with these situations and mended their friendships its appreciated.

     
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