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  • Schiz OCD-Feel Like I'm Going Crazy

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    Old 05-21-2013, 03:42 PM   #1
    Chris432's Avatar
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    Schiz OCD-Feel Like I'm Going Crazy

    Hi guys. I'm new on this board. I have had Pure-O OCD for about a year and a half now. It started as relationship OCD. After this ended my relationship, I suffered from a long period of depersonalization, during which I developed a crippling fear of developing schizophrenia. My uncle has paranoid schizophrenia, and I have always feared mental illness from a young age from observing his behavior. I attended free therapy sessions at my school for one semester, after which I was forced to discontinue because of school policy. I am not on medication yet, but I am having my first visit to a psychologist's office in about a week, where hopefully I can get some real help.

    For the last few weeks, I've been having some worrying symptoms. I've hypnagogic hallucinations since my schiz ocd developed (where I will hear voices inside my head as I'm falling asleep). However, lately I have been experiencing thought pops during the day, where random, nonsensical thoughts will jump into my head. I know they are coming from my subconscious, and do not believe that they are from an external source. They are most common when I am anxious (which is now all the time) or tired.

    My OCD also seems to have latched onto something I read online. I read that schizophrenics can have hallucinations where they feel like someone is touching them when there's no one in the room. I have a recurring thought, that I cannot get out of my head, that something is touching me, because I have weird skin sensations (probably due to anxiety). I know very well that no one is touching me, and I don't feel actual fingers, but these thoughts simply will not go away. I also have an obsession about some sort of presence following me. I have had this obsession before, but this time it will not go away. Again, I know very well nothing is following me. I am the least superstitious person you could ever meet, and do not believe in ghosts or the supernatural. I believe that if I had never read anything about this, these thoughts would not pop into my head. But, these weird physical sensations I'm having are making me think I'm having hallucinations.

    Can anyone relate to this? Am I going to start believing these things? When I go to the psychiatrist, should I request an antipsychotic? I feel like I'm totally losing my mind. Any help is appreciated.

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    axela (06-05-2013)
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    Old 06-04-2013, 08:44 PM   #2
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    Re: Schiz OCD-Feel Like I'm Going Crazy

    You're going to be okay.

    I've always had OCD.

    I clicked on your post because it really reminded me of myself. My brother has Schizophrenia and a lot of other mental disorders. When I was at my worst I would have this intense fear that I was going to go crazy...
    I remembered my brother telling me he sees animals and other things that really aren't there and I would dwell on that. I would look into the distance and try to see if I could see anything.. just so I would know.

    My work suffered, my relationship suffered, my friendship suffered.

    Listen though, someone with Schizophrenia or ANY intense psychological disorder does not dwell on things like this... People with OCD do.

    I wanted to mention that I went through a LONG period of depersonalization, which is normal... (scary I know) but it's just your brain protecting itself from being completely beat up and bruised by all the stress and anxiety.
    I've got to say though, that was really frustrating, I felt as if I was daydreaming all of the time.

    I would completely obsess over the floaters in my eye and try and prove that they were floaters and not my imagination.
    I would obsess over the hypnogogia when I would fall asleep because I would hear screams and see scary things just as I fell asleep. Here's the thing though, a lot of people see and have auditory hallucinations before bed, but can look past it.

    That is just SOME stuff I went through.

    I just want you to know that it does get better, but you have to be completely set on getting there. You've made a great decision going to get professional help. That is your first step. I want to warn you though, PLEASE DON'T GOOGLE EVERY SYMPTOM YOU HAVE. That is one thing my therapist told me isn't good for OCD. While doing so relieves the obsession, it's only leaving you wanting more... and the worst part is, you can read something that's not true and all and it will completely stick with you (and scare you).

    What I did was went and saw an OCD specialist and I learned I wasn't alone. Through cognitive behavior therapy and TRYING to be optimistic, I beat it - so to say.
    I can say it seriously saved my life. I honestly believe people with OCD deserve to be seen by someone that knows all about it. Not just a simple doctor.

    OCD never really goes away but you can reduce the symptoms and I'm telling you, you can get over the Schiz OCD.

    I don't have any more obsessions over "going crazy". I just want you to know you indeed are NOT going crazy.

    I believe I got out of the worst part, (which by the way you are in now and won't be back in that bad again once out)
    but you still have to remember the disorder will still live in you.
    I still have OCD but it's not crippling. It's really all about acceptance and telling yourself "it's the OCD demon, NOT ME"

    Every time you have a fear or thought, tell yourself that.
    Really separate your YOU THOUGHTS from your OCD THOUGHTS.
    They are 2 completely different things.

    You've got to be strong. If you believe in God, PRAY PRAY PRAY. If you do/don't MEDITATE. Seriously, it sounds dumb but meditating REALLY helps with this. If you don't want to meditate, practice taking deep breaths when your heart/head feels like it's going to explode. It's going to relieve you of the ache and worry.

    I deeply wish I could hug you and tell you it will get better because I know it will. I know this reply was all over the place, but I hope it helped you somewhat. I know when I was going through the worst of it all, reading things about other people relating helped a lot. I wanted to do that for you.

    Have a great day.

    Last edited by msmod; 06-05-2013 at 06:00 AM.

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