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I have severe anxiety and I need advice!

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Old 01-02-2003, 01:49 PM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 6
lelemaple HB User
Post I have severe anxiety and I need advice!

Hi. I am a 29 year-old married female with severe anxiety, but my problem is rather selective. See, I mainly worry about my husband's health and safety, even though he doesn't have any health problems. I worry about him driving to work and back, and I'm always checking him when he sleeps! It's causing some tension in our marriage, and he is trying to understand why I behave the way I do, but neither of us have any answers. Perhaps it's genetic (my mother was never diagnosed but was always nervous and anxious), or perhaps it could be abandonment issues (my mom died 8.5 years ago but I always handled it well). Anyways, I worry about my husband 24/7 and I've lost myself in the process. He is a grown adult and is always very good about keeping in touch when he is not home. What can I do to relax and deal with my anxiety better? Any ideas?

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Old 01-02-2003, 02:14 PM   #2
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: PA United States
Posts: 402
ChristinaD HB User

Panic disorders board. There are similar situations on that board and someone will probly be able to help you out!
27 years old
1993: T1 to L1 fusion due to scoliosis at age 17
2000: Tore and ruptured L4 L5 & L5 S1-it finally got better after about a year. Did really well for about a year.
June 2002: Had a relapse and tore/ruptured disc again.
Now I'm 14 months into it and the pain is still there.
Can't deal with it anymore so I'm having a discectomy in Sept. Hoping and praying that it takes care of my problems!!

Old 01-02-2003, 02:19 PM   #3
Posts: n/a

hi there, i know exactly what you are going through, i too seuffer with severe anxiety but worse than just the worry about my family etc, i worry constantly about myself, o my what is that twinge etc, i hate it i wish it will all go away, but it will only go away if we make it, you need to relax more and have some therapy to help you swap the negative thoughts with the good ones, and also with your mum passing away even though you say you coped well you are now scared of loosing your hubby as you love him dearly obviousley and you are afraid of loosing him as you lost your mum, BUT you just need to reasure yourself that he is fine and that you need to keep telling youself that, and keep saying ''he is ok i am just worrying because i am afraid of being alone''

Sure write this into the anxiety board you will get more advice there... hope this helps you out....


Old 01-02-2003, 07:18 PM   #4
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Nashua, NH
Posts: 972
Merrida HB User

I think it goes a little deeper than that. If you're worried about his safety, I'd look at (something you brought up) -- abandonment issues. These can include deaths of parents, care givers, friends,... "abandonment" does not always mean the explicit and technical definition of intentional leaving. Abandonment can be felt under a variety of circumstances.

I don't think you're worried about his health and well being as much as you're worried about ... what happens to you IF something bad happens to him. It's a matter of dealing with worse case scenarios. What IF something happens to him? How independent are you, how self-reliant, how self-sufficient, how is your self-esteem, do you feel you will be out of control, are you afraid of being alone or that you'll never find someone else, or that he will somehow abandon you too (either by leaving, cutting himself off emotionally, dying, excluding you from parts of his life, or that you won't meet his needs in some regard?)

Abandonment issues can include things like being concerned about finances, not having a job, losing a job, not having the forward momentum within the couplehood of marriage that shows you both equally invested in time and effort. It usually reflects a fear.

When a kid leaves home on his bike and the mom says, "be careful," she is primarily concerned about her, not the kid. Yes, she is worried about the child's safety but she is also very worried about her, her life, what her life will be like if he got hurt, how will she go on, what will she do, can she handle it if he is injured severely, she's worried about the anxiety she will feel until he arrives back home safely,....

These all serve purposes which are not obvious ones.

If someone tries to fix you by explaining how irrational your thoughts are, their "help" will backfire, because you already know this is not an issue of rationalization, admitted yourself, he is grown up and capable,... this is about what the fear of abandonment means for you, and perhaps may reflect any repressed emotions you did not fully address and process with your mothers death,... especially if you think you "handled it well," -- chances are, something handled it well, a part of you, which pushed the emotional, hurting part of you off to the side somewhere to be dealt with later on,... but until then these feelings manifest themselves in other ways, unique to each person.

Old 01-03-2003, 02:34 PM   #5
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: new york, ny
Posts: 64
James123 HB User

Tell your doctor. You sound like you need a prescription of Paxil. You suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder. The fact that you mention that your mom died "8.5" years ago as opposed to "8" or "9" is a sign in and of itself of obsessive compulsive disorder.

Don't suffer any longer. Get to your doctor and you'll be alright.

Old 01-03-2003, 09:01 PM   #6
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: new york
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robram4 HB User
Thumbs up

i have severe aniety and my doctor gives me xanax and does help, but i try only to take when really needed. rob


Old 01-05-2003, 06:38 PM   #7
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: London, Ontario. Canada
Posts: 5
Spazey HB User

I have had severe Anxiety/Panic and recentley OCD for over 9 years. I can go on for years and years writing what I think it could be or what I think would help you, but somethings that work for me might not work for you. One thing I do know, and I have noticed quite a few postings about it in this forum, is the discussion about the medicine 'Paxil'. Don't do it !! I was on it for 4 years, and it worked, it truly did, but the mintue you try to get off of it, you wish you were dead. Visit [url=""][/url] before any decisions. Good Luck !

[This message has been edited by moderator1 (edited 01-05-2003).]

Old 01-05-2003, 09:29 PM   #8
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: marco island, FL. USA
Posts: 229
32skater HB User

Everything else aside, you need to ask your doctor
for Lexapro. It is not habit forming, nor does it
have any side effects. You can get off of it any
time you want to. It is going to supersede every
thing else on the market. It is a new drug that
has come out in the past year and is an anti-
depressant and anti-anxiety. A good mg. to start
with is a 10 mg., as it takes about 2 weeks to
start in. Good Luck!

Old 01-12-2003, 02:33 PM   #9
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: KCMO
Posts: 158
Lily0727 HB User

I too have anxiety and have had doctors give me meds, but, I never take them. I am learning to rely on God and his peace. It has really helped me out alot! Just know that God is in control of everything and you have no control..just choices. If you realize that and the only thing that you fear is God himslef, you've beat the anxiety. Anxiety is Satan working within you because you are letting him. Know that God doen't want you to be that way. Sure meds help, but some you can get addicted to and there creates another problem. Know that your husband is alright and will let you know if something isn't. You can talk yourself into something being wrong with him and then when he doesn't go to a doctor like you want him to, that will create much more problems for you. He's OKAY!!You will know the difference when he is really NOT me! Also, do you have a hobby? Do you work? If you stay at home, that will also give you time to worry. Keep busy and productive. Shift your thoughts. It's hard but keep at it. You will be just fine!!

Old 01-12-2003, 03:10 PM   #10
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: marco island, FL. USA
Posts: 229
32skater HB User

What you say may be very very true, but also is
easier said than done for many people.

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