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I Don't Know What To Do

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Old 09-19-2006, 03:25 PM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: louisville, kentucky
Posts: 1
ladygolfer47 HB User
I Don't Know What To Do

Hi, I've been going thru a horrible time for many years. The past three years have been so so stressful. In conclusion, my father passed away two weeks ago, left a mentally ill sister with another brother and sister. My husband and I are getting a divorce and I hate that as he is a good man.

My question to the void is this: When you believe in someone for so long and has taught you alot, you love this person but cannot turn back for you know it will cause numerous problems as this is something you can't forget and will always come up, your children of sixteen on up are so confused as your husband makes it confusing with emotional abuse, what do you do? He's a good man, he's had difficulties coming to grips with something for ten years now. I was told about it (it's not another woman, or anything like that) three years ago and felt we could tackle the problem, but he kept ignoring it and it just is taking me over the edge. Now remember, I had a father (my mom passed four years ago) and still a sister in need of my help and with our children (though sixteen and older) still need me. I'm so out of who I am and what I want to be because I'm stuck feeling badly for everyone else. What do I do to get out of this? I don't have the guts to tell my husband nicely to just stay away for awhile, even though he has moved out. It's so hard when someone is generally good, but cannot deal with something that has affected the entire family. It's financial and it has been hidden for years, nothing where he has hidden money, but something he has known and has a very difficult time dealing with and I just can't handle that anymore. At first, he couldn't handle it without my love and my counselor told me he is placing emotional blackmail on me. I just don't know what to do or have any direction. I asked him to move out, he did. But comes by to cut the grass on weekends, asks if I love him, etc...tells me he loves me, etc....we go out to dinner now and then, but feel if he didn't succeed in getting what he wanted (to be loved) then he gets very withdrawn, down and somewhat "nobody cares about me" sort of thing going. It's so hard when I have others in the family to consider first here and then there's the father and sister team living under one roof who were both feeding off each other in manners undescribable to me, exhausting I tell you. What do I do? This is just more than anyone can handle and I'm tired of feeling bad about it all. I want positive, I want to move forward, but I don't want to entirely lost him altogether, but I know that's what I have to do or forgiveness isn't gonig to happen. So, I told him we have to divorce and give it time in order for me to be able to look forward as a couple again. Is this wrong? I just cannot live with him as it is right now and if there is any hope for us, clean the slate and start over with time. But he just doesn't get it, he needs to let it go for now and that's the hardest thing for me to explain. Oh help me.

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Old 09-19-2006, 06:56 PM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Burnet, Texas USA
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Re: I Don't Know What To Do

Your problem is much too complex for most of us to advise. However, both of you should seek a marriage counseling in order to work things out.

Old 09-21-2006, 09:24 AM   #3
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: "central", KY, USA
Posts: 343
thegardener HB User
Re: I Don't Know What To Do

Sounds like you have made your decision but you just feel guilty about it and you want someone to tell you that your decision is okay. You can make decisions that are for what you need, especially if there is no way that you can live with the alternative. By the way, I live just outside Louisville.

Last edited by thegardener; 09-21-2006 at 09:26 AM.

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