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    Old 12-03-2003, 08:31 PM   #1
    caprisun1202
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    Unhappy I urgently need help with my best friend!

    ........................

    Last edited by caprisun1202; 12-15-2003 at 01:06 PM.

     
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    Old 12-03-2003, 08:49 PM   #2
    Wittesea
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    Re: I urgently need help with my best friend!

    Capri,

    You sound so desperate to help your friend, and that is a wonderful thing. You are a really good friend for being there so much and supporting and helping your friend.

    I know that you want other advice besides going to an adult for help, but the problem is that if your friend is hurting herself- then it is something that can only be helped or fixed by a professional.

    Mental illness is not something that can be cured with love. I really wish that it could be- but what your friend is dealing with is so serious and potentially dangerous.

    It is absolutely possible that she has a chemical imbalance in her brain, and that leads to her mental health problems... I know that you said that her family is very hard on her, and that may have contributed to her problems but she could be suffering from severe depression... and a lot of people with depression are lacking a specific chemical in their brains. There is nothing that will help that type of depression besides medication.

    And the ONLY person who can figure out if this is the type of depression that she has, is a Doctor.

    There are other mental illnesses that could lead a person to hurting themselves, some of them are genetic and run in families... so again, it is something that only a doctor could figure out.

    If you are the only person in her life that knows what she is doing- then you are the one who needs to help her... and in this case, helping her means getting an adult and a Doctor involved.

    She can not be cured by Love, but your love and support will help her to get through all of the scary parts of talking to an adult and a doctor.

    I don't want to be so blunt- but think of how you would feel if she died from hurting herself... that is a very real possibility, so that means that she needs very serious help now, and you can help her to get that help.

    If she refuses to call a doctor or talk to an adult- then you should do it anyway... it could be the only thing that saves her life.

    She might get mad at you, but someday she will realize that you are the person who saved her life. I think that it would be better to have an angry friend who is alive and well, then a friend who is very sick or even dead. I am sorry to be so blunt, but this is VERY serious.

    ~Wittesea

    By the way- I know that you are new to these boards. You have accidently posted on the pain management board, where most of the people here have medical problems that cause pain... you might want to post your message on the Mental Health or Self Injury boards where there are more people who might be familiar with this type of thing..... I'm not trying to tell you to go away, I just want you to get more help from people who know more about self-injury and depression.

    Last edited by Wittesea; 12-03-2003 at 08:55 PM.

     
    Old 12-03-2003, 08:52 PM   #3
    Wittesea
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    Re: I urgently need help with my best friend!

    Since you asked for help quickly then I will say this too-

    If she is thinking about hurting herself right now then you need to call 911 immediately.

     
    Old 12-03-2003, 11:15 PM   #4
    Curls22
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    Re: I urgently need help with my best friend!

    Hi, I sometimes post in the self-injury board. Your friend is really lucky to have a friend like you, and it seems like she does appreciate it too. she is cutting as a coping mechanism, not attempting suicide. Has she attempted suicide? or shown signs of it?? The cut on her shoulder that needs stitches, she should probably get looked at. she can make something up about how it got there...like, i dont know, something sharp was hanging down from the roof of the car when she got out, or something. i think most cutters use cat scratches as their excuse most often, so i dont know. The truth is that if she is not ready to stop, then nothing will make her stop. At some point she probably will want some help, and then therapy will make all the difference. While if she would commit to going to therapy now, that would be great--if she won't, then hopefully someday she will be ready to. Make sure that she is not suicidal. Just be her friend. Good luck! come post in the self-injury recovery room any time!
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    Old 12-03-2003, 11:28 PM   #5
    inthezone
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    Re: I urgently need help with my best friend!

    I will have to go with Wittasea, this girl needs help and needs help quickly. No matter what board you wound up at your friend needs a great deal of help. Do something. Trick her into going somewhere and have public assitance people waiting for her there. She may hate you to start with, but if she doesn't get help very soon, she could very well be dead any day. How would you feel if you go to see her tomarrow and she has killed herself. This is a very serious possibility. Please help her. I know that you are a good friend and that means that you may have to do things that she may never forgive you for. But more than likely when she gets better she will thank you for saving her life.

    She needs to be taken away from her abusive family and be around some stable people. I would call 911 if she refused to go with you for help. Please Please help her. I know that you have been crying over this because it is a hard thing to do and face up to. Deceiving your friend to help save her life. When you think about it on down the road then you will see that you did the right thing.

    Please, Please, Please help her out, even if she hates you for life, at least she is alive to hate you. There are Public Service people that can help and take the problem off your hands, which is what she needs. They will take care of her and help her come to terms with her problems. She needs help, wheather its her fault or her families fault, it doesn't matter at this time, Please help her. Check the phone book and call some of these people and talk to them and see what they say that you can do. I hate to stop talking to you but I'm afaid I'll burn you out and you will stop listening to me.

    You know what you need to do. DO IT!!

    Last edited by inthezone; 12-03-2003 at 11:40 PM.

     
    Old 12-04-2003, 02:15 AM   #6
    Fudge7000
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    Re: I urgently need help with my best friend!

    most people who self injure arn't going to commit suicide, it's a coping mechanism. try to persuade her to go and get the cut on her shoulder looked at - she can say she fell over on some broken glass. she's lucky to have a friend like you, and don't try and make her promise not to do it, she'll only break it and that'll make her feel worse. talk to her about suicide, i'm sure she'll say that she isn't going to do it - it's a bad view of us cutters that we're all going to kill ourselves and need to be committed to some sort of mental institute, usually we don't. just carry on being there for her and keep bringing up the councelling thing, she may agree to it. i'd also post in the self injury board - we don't bite and you'll get advice from people who cut there.

     
    Old 12-04-2003, 04:59 AM   #7
    Marg001
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    Re: I urgently need help with my best friend!

    I definately agree with Wittasea and IntheZone!!! DON'T be afraid to call someone that can actually help her. Remember a true friend sometimes has to do things that they don't really want to. That's what being a true friend is about!! I really hope that you find her some help and if you don't know where to turn you could confide in your Mother and ask her to help you because she certainly needs it, especially if she is being abused!! I was abused for a long period and I STILL haven't gotton over it yet and I never will, it is a vicious cycle but luckily for me I am with someone now who treats me like gold. Good luck and be a true friend and do it. Take care!

     
    Old 12-04-2003, 07:40 AM   #8
    inthezone
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    Re: I urgently need help with my best friend!

    Fudge seem to know what she/he is talking about so, I would listen to him/her very closely. And believe me when I tell you that she is very lucky indeed to have a friend like you. I'm glad to know that she might not be suicidal, that's a real relief.

    Marg if also right, if you have to go to someone like your mother, then do it. If you have a priest that you can confide in you could bypass the parent thing (I know how hard the parent thing is and I'm 50yrs old). Yes 50yrd old and still get treated like a teenage son, worries about me all the time. It doesn't matter that I've been married had numerous girlfriends and a great paying job...in my mother eyes I'm still that little boy she raised. Oh well, I'm used to it, and it's not going to change.

    I'll get off the board so perhaps some else can help you and your friend some more. Think about that board that Fudge was talking about. But no matter what board you get on, we are all here to help, but the one Fudge is talking about has more experience with your problem than we do at this board. And May God Bless You For Your Helping and Caring.

     
    Old 12-04-2003, 08:57 AM   #9
    Kimberbella
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    Re: I urgently need help with my best friend!

    Hi Capri and welcome

    A thought occured to me when I was reading your post. You mentioned that your friend was 16 years old... so Im thinking that talking to your school guidence councelor or teacher for help about your friend, or even dealing with the pressure this has put on you would be helpful.

    Im sure that they would be able to connect you with the proper channels and allow a safe environment for you and your best friend to go to them with this situation.

    Im posting quickly.. perhaps someone else can build on this idea!

    Love and Prayers,

    Kim

     
    Old 12-04-2003, 11:47 AM   #10
    girl_alone
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    Re: I urgently need help with my best friend!

    HI there,

    I cut myself, and have a few friends who do it too, so I know both sides of the arguement and how it feels.

    As a cutter I feel like if I confide in a friend, all I want them to do is be there for me as much as they feel able to be. To be non-judgemental and tell it to me straight. Just having a hug once in a while makes so much difference to someone who's having a really hard time. Let her know you are there for her, whatever she wants to talk bout, and you'll help as much as she wants.

    I know its hard when you care so much for someone who seems to be destroying themselves before you're eyes. Its scary. You need to be able to talk to someone too, even if you dont tell them who you are talking about. You need some support, cos this stuff is hard, it feels like alot of responsibility. Its true that most people who cut dont want to kill themselves, infact most people do it as a way to stay alive. Keep talking to her, and like fudge said, keep bringing up the idea of therapy, just so she knows its an opiton. However if she's not ready to get help, you shouldnt force her (unless its life threatening). There are some really good websites on self injury, especially 'secret shame' and psyke.org. have a look at them, even give her the web adresses.

    If she is going to keep cutting its good for her to have some advice on how to deal with her cuts and where it is dangerous to cut. There are some good pages on wound care on the sites I've just mentioned. She should always use a fresh blade to cut with to help prevent infection, and if she doesnt want to go to the doctor to get it stitched, she could try butterfly stiches or steri strips that you can get from chemists.

    good luck with you're friend, I hope you are both ok,

    _alone
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    Old 12-04-2003, 07:12 PM   #11
    caprisun1202
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    ..............................

    Last edited by caprisun1202; 12-15-2003 at 01:08 PM.

     
    Old 12-05-2003, 01:00 AM   #12
    inthezone
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    Re: I urgently need help with my best friend!

    I'm going to try to make this short. Not because I don't think yopur friend is worth it ,but my dog is wondering why I haven't come to bed yet. Yes she has me trained very well.

    Myself (ITZ) and Wittesea think that she needs to see some older people that she can trust. Try to get her involved into older people that she can trust. I think a religios person might be getting on the right track. I think parents would be the wrong way to go as they have to much of a personal steak into this,

    Fudge brought up that if she really wanted to commit suicide, she would have already. So is really not suicidel. just confused and hurt. I not much for lying,but when it comes to her shoulder then it may become nesiccery.

    Curls22 says that you need to post on a different board (a self help board) where the people better understand her problem. We will help as much as we can, but were are a self help with pain mangement board.

    Kimberlea says to talk to guidance councillor

    That is my synopsis on what was said ...Good Luck and Take Care.

     
    Old 12-05-2003, 03:30 AM   #13
    girl_alone
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    Re: I urgently need help with my best friend!

    I'm sorry my last post was abit long, I tend to ramble on sometimes

    It sounds like you are doing a great job so far, you have really got her trust. Its hard for someone to talk about their scariest or wierdest feelings, and she's doing that with you, so that makes you special!

    Keep giving her the support she needs, and say that you will be there as much as you can, no matter what happens. Make sure you take a little time for yourself sometimes tho, even if it seems like this is on your mind 24/7.

    If the anti-suicide promise is keeping her from doing it, then keep reminding her of that. Most people who think about suicide dont actually do it, i hope that gives you abit of reassurance.

    As far as the cut goes, it is probably too late to get it stitched, but she should try and keep it clean to avoid infection. If its getting all gunky and ***** she should get it checked out cos that can lead to fever or septicaemia (blood infection). You can bring up the subject of therapy, or going to her doctor when ever you think its the right time. One day soon she might feel like she wants to change what she is doing.

    Looking forward to seeing you on the SI board.

    hugs, _alone
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    Old 12-05-2003, 06:52 AM   #14
    Curls22
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    Re: I urgently need help with my best friend!

    "Curls22 says that you need to post on a different board (a self help board) where the people better understand her problem. We will help as much as we can, but were are a self help with pain mangement board.



    That is my synopsis on what was said ...Good Luck and Take Care.[/QUOTE]


    Hi, I really did NOT mean for my reply to sound like i just think you need to post on a different board!!! That would be incredibly rude of me, and I did not mean it like that...any of it. Basically, what I was trying to get at, is the same thing as Girl_alone and Fudge. I do NOT think it is a good idea to go "get help" for her behind her back. Just keep being a good friend to her. That is what I am saying.
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    Last edited by Curls22; 12-05-2003 at 06:53 AM.

     
    Old 12-05-2003, 09:50 AM   #15
    Kimberbella
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    Re: I urgently need help with my best friend!

    Dear Capri~

    Although I understand you are going to be/ are posting on the self help board.. there is something that all of us on the PM board have learn that I wanted to share with you .. before I had to run quickly before and didnt have a chance.. and that was

    Please remember to take care of yourself! You must take care of your physical, mental and emotional needs first before anyone elses, or your not going to be able to help anyone... Often times we forget to take care of number one (ourselves) and think we can do everything... If you need help, ask for it, please! If you think that your friend is going to hurt herself, then you need to seek help for her with an adult-- someone that knows how to handle this situation tactfully and someone that you beleive can help her, whether she feels can or not-- because you have to take care of yourself as well!!

    Im not saying to do something that makes you feel like a traitor or a rat.. or someone that she will never trust again.. but you have to also think about how this is effecting you and your life and what is best for her..

    My prayers are with you, sweet Capri You are truely a beautiful friend and a wonderful person. God bless you. Much love, and many prayer,

    Kim

     
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