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  • How does your spouse, BF/GF handle your pain issues?

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    Old 05-27-2006, 11:32 AM   #31
    JeanneO
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    Re: How does your spouse, BF/GF handle your pain issues?

    I think this is an excellent thread. It's funny, well not really so funny but a couple of years ago, when my neck problems were just starting, I had an aquaintance (at the time, now she's an angel in my life) that was having back problems and in PM. Well at the time I thought she was just "addicted" to pain killers. It was a little bit sad at the time, I would help her keep her patch on (we were acting together in a dinner show) and she would get sweaty and had this major fear of it coming off and I would think that it was very strange how upset she would get about it, I helped her anyway because I could see her distress.

    But NOW, here I am in the same boat, headed for PM and I cannot tell you how helpful she has been to me, sharing her experiences and giving me hope and suggestions when I need it (like all of you here on the boards).

    So while I would never wish this pain or health problems on anyone, especially my husband, I have to say that now I'm walking in my friends shoes and I can really relate to her pain and experience.

    Bluestream, I know what you mean, I feel like I've been hit with the most bizarre afflictions I call them. But things I've never even heard of that take me to the DR. I laugh about it at times and other times I cry about it, but none of them are life threatening so I consider myself very lucky. Most of the time that's houw I have to look at it, I always think "it could be worse".

    I'm very lucky, my husband is so supportive, although he doesn't go to all of my appts with me, he's there for the important ones and I believe that if I asked him he would come to every one if I needed him. Things around the house do suffer and luckily for me he has the attitude that if it bothers him enough then he'll do it, like vacuuming or cleaning up if I just don't have the energy. And alot of times we just eat cereal for dinner he says he's a big boy and if he wants something more then he'll make it. He's a comedian so he makes me laugh all the time, which is better than most meds. Although he has to stifle the jokes when I've been recovering from some of surgeries, when it hurts to laugh.

    We've only been married for 3 years and in that time I've had 6 surgeries (3 of them major surgeries) and countless "afflictions" that take me to the DR and 1 ER visit that landed me in the hospital for 5 days with Pancreatitis. but he's always there for me.

    I know that I feel bad because he certainly didn't sign up for this when he married me, these problems started after we got married but he hates to see me suffer and hates even more to see me feel bad about him having to go through all this.

    I tell all my single friends that there is the perfect someone out there for them and that hopefully God will put them in their life at the time that they're ready to have them there. I know that I'm one the lucky ones, Angels have shown up in my life exactly when I've need them, including the ones that I don't get the opportunity to meet in person, online in the healthboards

     
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    Old 05-27-2006, 11:38 AM   #32
    jeanne257
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    Re: How does your spouse, BF/GF handle your pain issues?

    I haven't heard much about how your betterhalf takes your pain problems. I will tell you mine. He doesn't agree with the way I do things. He feels that I should go under the knife and get better.??? My problems that I know for fact by xray, tests, mri's, etc. Two disc in neck bulging with degenerative, causes severe pain, headaches etc. After many Drs, finally at PM Dr. now. Past six months added methadose to a combo of drugs, and I'm functioning. Not pain free, but it is bearable. I don't even talk to my husband about it anymore, cause I'm sick to death of hearing I don't know why you don't go get it fixed. I wish it was that simple!!!!!!! No cutting on my neck or back. Heard too many bad results. Everyone says don't do it!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Anyway I just thought I would join in and let you know what I feel. Nice to chat with people like myself.
    Chat later................................... .......................

     
    Old 05-30-2006, 12:04 PM   #33
    deerfieldbchmom
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    Re: How does your spouse, BF/GF handle your pain issues?

    Hi I am the other half - I have read the entire board and understand most of the replies. Here is my story: My husband has had a back back for a long time but until about 2 1/2 years ago it has seemed to be really painful and he was going to a PM dr. and getting epedurals (sp) and other procedures and taking tramodol prescribed by the PM but he was also taking other pain meds from whoever he could get them from. He was also on paxil for anxiety attacks - then 7 months ago he had surgery "supposedly" on L4 L5 S1 he came out of surgery and the DR. gave him oxycotin (50) and percocet (60) I was there for the surgery and the dr said everything went fine - we get home and obviously I have to work so he was home by himself with a nurse coming in once a day to change the dressing. Well when I discovered that he had taken about 90 of the pills within a 7 day period I thought something was up since he is a recovering addict of 15 year from (crack) and we have been married for 16 years. So this is when I came unglued and started monitoring when he was getting his pain meds - he says the surgery did not work and he is still in alot of pain so from the Primary DR to PM dr.s (several) and the Neurosergon he was getting pain meds and not telling me - he would even pay cash for them and not use the insurance because I would then know he was getting pain meds - so there was constant arguing in my household and stress everyday almost to the point where I thought I was going to need emotional help to deal wtih this. Nevermind we have a 13 year old daughter who is being affected by all the arguing. The lying is what I can't take nor can I take him being on pain meds - he was doing some funking stuff (and I did not know if it was from the pain meds or paxil or he was just loosing his mind) but he would fall asleep at the dinner table eating, he has rearranged the furniture in the middle of the night and does not remember doing it, he has urinated on the bathroom counter and does not remember, he was working on the roof and has fallen asleep and also falls asleep driving and also falls asleep smoking - PRETTY SCARY STUFF - I have even mentioned divorce to him because I just can't take it anymore - He got some type of skin infection about 1 1/2 weeks ago and ended up in the hospital for 6 days and the infectious disease dr couldn't figure out what it was he was on some major duty iv antibiotics and all the drs and nurses wanted to know if he was abusing pain meds because of his aggressive behavior and I said yes he has in the past - he is out of the hospital still has back pain is taking lyrica for the nerve pain and paxil but for the last 2 days he says he is not sleeping and doing these crazy things because of the paxil so he took himself off it - things are alittle better but I am still waiting for the hat to drop - I have a hard time not trusting him and what is a marriage without trust. I have stood by him through everything and I hope to be by his side with this just not with an addiction to pain med. I do love my husband but I do feel like he does not know what he is putting me and our daughter through. Sorry to ramble on but it is do hard to talk with friends (we have no family but us) and have them understand sometimes I feel so alone. I pray everyone that is going thru any type of pain gets better and I pray for the spouse to be able to handle all the emotions that we go thru everyday. Like I said I love my husband and hope to grow old with him right now I just want a simple life with my family!!

     
    Old 05-30-2006, 12:40 PM   #34
    ARANGER
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    Re: How does your spouse, BF/GF handle your pain issues?

    Hey Deerfield,

    I congratulate you being with your husband for 16 years and sticking it out with him even through all the addiction problems. It takes a strong person to do that.

    Your situation is a little different than others (like myself). Your husband is lying, abusing meds, using multiple docs, etc. And you have continued to stick with him. I beleive that there is a time when you have to say enough is enough.

    You are right, without trust, there is no relationship. But in my case and many others, just the burden of our medical problems, becomes the issue for our other half. That is the part that wrong in my opinion. If you are married you vow to stay in it for sickness and in health.

    But if your husband is lying and putting drugs before his family and causing some emotional problems in the family that can actually be fixed if he chose to get help, then that is a different story.

    I hope your husband gets the help he needs. Good luck.

     
    Old 05-30-2006, 12:45 PM   #35
    mpvt
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    Re: How does your spouse, BF/GF handle your pain issues?

    You don't have a pain patient on your hands unfortunetly you have a drug addict on your hands.I agree with you that you and your daughter don't need to put up with it.There are alot of addicts out there who will get surgeons to perform surgeries just so they can get opiates,it's a terrible thing to have.Have you mentioned to your husband about trying methadone for pain and addiction.There isn't the high associated with methadone that he's chasing now with oxycontin.Also methadone is one of the strongest pain killers there is.There is also buprenorphene (subutex,suboxone) that he can look up on the internet and find a list of doctors in your area that prescribe it.It to takes away the cravings and withdrawls while he can get his life back in order.Either one will work if he wants it to,it's up to him.He definately is past the cold turkey phase although he may want to try it.Your a good wife for stating around but he has to do something otherwise he's headed for a lonely bitter life which some of us here have already been through.Talk to him....Dave

     
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