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friendly_one 07-11-2008 02:14 PM

Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
Hey Guys, (sorry, this is long..but interesting)

Just wanted some feedback here. Something happened last night. From what my hubby said, it was around 2 AM. We were in bed, asleep, and then he heard me laughing and talking. He didn't think about it and told me to knock it off. Sometimes, I do talk in my sleep. Well, he fell back asleep and it's now 2:30 AM. He said I was holding a full blown conversation with my best friend. He also said I was kneeling on both knees (in bed) with the rest of my body erect and my arms stretched up high like I was trying to hold on to something, or someone.

This went on for almost 30 minutes as he sat and watched, stunned. You see, the deal is, my best friend died in a car wreck back in '93 at the age of 22. He said it was a full, coherent, conversation, although only he could hear what I was saying. Then I would pause, and then pick up the conversation like I had just been asked a question.

At first, he thought I was hallucinating from my meds.
In this episode last night, towards the end of the "conversation", I kept saying "12...what do you mean 12, Ginger (Ginger was my best friend's name)...12 what..12 days, 12 weeks, 12 months, 12 years......what"??? He then said I got very aggitated and started reaching upwards and saying "Ginger, no, don't go, please, don't go! Come back, please!!! What does 12 mean".

After that, he said I basically collapsed back in bed and didn't move until his alarm went off at 5 AM. I always get up when his alarm goes off to take my AM meds, then I go back to sleep. When I got up and saw him already up in the living room, he just had this look on his face of complete shock. I told him about my "dream" I had and how vivid it was, and that's when he told me what he had witnessed. Now, I'm completely stunned.

The last time I had a dream about my best friend was shortly after she died. She died in a 1 car accident, rolled the car, and went through the windshield. She always wore her seat belt, but this time, didn't have it on. She was going back to the University to finish her last semester and then start divinity school. I always wondered if she suffered much. In my dream after she died, she appeared and said "don't worry, I'm alright....I didn't feel a thing. It was instant".

Anyway, is this some sort of "message" about my impending death from kidney failure?? Or, was it pain med induced? I also witnessed my Aunt having a similar conversation to her dead Mother (my Nanny) a few months before her death. At the time of her "episode" she was dying of cancer and had been battling it for almost 2 years.

I'm just curious what all of you think. This was so vivid, I swear, it was like she was "there" with me. Nothing has changed in my medication regimen, so, I don't know. Any thoughts???? Bye for now!:)

slipperyslope 07-11-2008 02:38 PM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
sounds to me like it was just a very vivid dream and with all the meds your on you were probably really medicated or the meds caused this as a side effect. I don't believe in super natural stuff so I think it was you just dreaming do to your medications and you missing your friend and just having an intense dream about her but it is weird I wish your hubby had recorded you, that would have been neat for you to have seen. I wouldn't worry to much about it, it was a dream and you were sort of sleep walking, do you take ambien? I have heard of people sleep walking on this med.

I am sorry you lost a friend so close to you, that has to hurt. I once lost a friend in a car accident too and I was in the back seat and she died in the front seat, I saw everything and I have some deep wounds from it that I will never forget. I had nighmares for years but never anything as you described.

Did you eat anything different before bed? sometimes if I eat before bed I will have weird dreams. I use to talk in my sleep a lot, than I quit that and began snoring like an old farmer. I now have a CPAP machine and sleep great, although I don't look to cool with my big ol full face mask on. you should see me, its a site for sore eyes. I wonder if you could find a " dream book " and see what this means?

Hugs, SS

friendly_one 07-11-2008 02:53 PM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
Hi SS,

No, I don't take any type of sleep aid. The only things I take are my LA & SA meds. I've been on these meds for quite some time, and then other LA & SA meds during the past 7 years, and still never experienced anything like this. I wish it would have been recorded. Very strange....indeed!

P.S. I don't eat anything after 7 PM. Thanks SS.

butrfligirl28 07-11-2008 03:46 PM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
Hey Friendly,

I hope that this does not freak you out at all. I do not think that this had ANYTHING to do with your medications. I think that this did happen, and that you did have a conversation with your lost friend.

I have always been open to this type of thing, but never had any experience with it. I took care of my Grandmother before she died. We had several conversations about the "other side", and what happened after we died. I told her that I did not know if it was possible, but if she could, to please send me a sign that she was okay after she died.

Even though I knew it was coming, her death was devastating to me. I was grief stricken, and could not be consoled. This went on for months. I started a ritual that no one knew about. I would go to the florist and purchase one rose, because she loved them. I would go to her grave and constantly inhale the scent of the rose as I talked to her and cried. I even had physical symptoms, which turned out to be extreme grief. I was tormented and suffering terribly.

After several months of this, the funeral home mailed me a tape of her service. I had chosen "Somewhere out there" as the song to be played. I was driving through a large, smelly city when that song came on. I was crying and talking to her, telling her how much I missed her, and how much pain I was in. I was literally driving by factories that made the air smell terrible.

Suddenly, the entire car smelled so strongly of roses! I stared looking around confused, as the smell was as strong as if I had a rose to my nose, like I did at her grave. As soon as I realized what was happening, the smell disappeared as quickly as it came! I was so comforted, that my extreme grief ended right then and there. I truly believe that this was her way of telling me that she was okay.

These things happen, and I think that it is a blessing that your friend was able to let you know that she did not suffer. I feel that you are very lucky to have experienced this experience from her. I am very happy for you! Many people may argue, but I believe that this was a true experience, and not medication related.

I have heard of many people who are able to have experiences with the "other side" when they are close to passing themselves. Is your condition terminal? Does this concern you?

Thank you for sharing your experience! I hope that you are able to find the joy in this experience and that it gives you comfort.

Your Friend,


friendly_one 07-11-2008 04:12 PM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
Hi Amanda,

Wow!! What a great story about the roses and your Grandmother. That must have been very comforting! I, too, believe there is something out there, whether it's referred to as " belief" or "the other side". I firmly believe that eventhough our physical bodies die, our spirit remains eternal.
I don't qualify for transplant, and will not "live" on dialysis. I'm not quite to the point yet, that I would need dialysis, but getting closer.

After I witnessed my Aunt "talking" with her dead Mother (my Aunt was dying of cancer and this happened a few months before her death) I was convinced of such happenings. I've always believed our spirits are eternal, but I cannot even put into words what I saw with my Aunt, and then what happened last night.

From the books I've read, when someone is dying or getting very close to death, they start having "visions". Whether that might be "dreams" or having conversations with people in the room that other people cannot see. I'll post if anything else happens. It was, in a way, comforting. Also, I cannot explain the peace I "felt" during this "dream". Very real. Talk to ya later!

IZZY'SMOM 07-11-2008 04:47 PM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
Oh wow!
What a neat experience! I dont think it had anything to do with your meds, either. I agree with Butterfly.
I have amazing, vivid dreams. I can remember smells, ect everything for months after I dream. I dream in beautiful color, and everything is just so real.
I hope if you have another instance like this you wont be afraid, and know in your heart that your loved ones that have passed are still watching over you. You are a lucky lady.

feelbad 07-12-2008 09:00 AM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
i totally agree with b fly and izzys mom up there. i do think what you experienced was as real as anything can get. having experienced similar things in my life and knowing that my sons grandmother has actually appread to him when he was dying from liver failure before his transplant(she had passed away one week after i found out i was PG with him so he never got to meet her),i DO believe we are seeing the people we love at times,just appear for some specific reason. my sons grandmother had actually,even while not being here, saved his life at one time as well. she is his guardian angel. i also had a VERY vivid dream last year after my father died suddenly out of the blue telling me he was "here' and he was okay. we were very very close.

i think what happened to you was very special and for a reason. don;t know about that 12 thing but i am willing to bet,something will show you what that means at some point too. so sorry you are where you are with the kidneys. why is it you dont 'qualify" for a transplant? just wondering since i am going to be going down that road here at some point myself having a very progressive kidney and liver disease. i really am happy that you had that visit from your friend and i do not think at all that it was the meds. that was a very special momentary connection between you two. i do hope you feel comforted by it. marcia

trowftd3 07-12-2008 09:32 AM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
I've had both experiences...seeing and hearing people without meds and a couple that were definitely med hallucinations. My pm put me on a trial of tizanidine (zanaflex) and WOW!! That was wild! First I saw all of these sparkly orange triangles and silver rectangles and glitter all over my legs. When I tried to wipe them off they would move around but not go away. Then later I had another hallucination when I was half asleep that I can't remember. Later I woke up hearing a little boys voice and standing next to my bed was a young boy dreassed in knickers, vest and page boy cap. He had his arms outstretched and I understood that he wanted me to hand him my dog and he kept saying please.

Now, my hubby has been in bed and woke to a lady dressed in an old style gown pulling on his leg and begging for him to help her. He's had other experiences in our house and once at the pet store of all places! So maybe the little boy was something else but I don't think so. I've also felt(just a few weeks ago) someone next to my face and heard them whisper in my ear. I couldn't understand what was said but it was around 7pm and my kids were in the room with me and saw nothing.

Sorry, to ramble on but I would have to agree with the others. And I can't wait to hear what the number 12 means. I hope the meaning reveals itself soon. If you had just started a new med I might swing toward being the cause but with no recent changes....

Please, let us know if you talk to your friend again.~Mush

friendly_one 07-12-2008 01:43 PM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
Hi Marcia & Mush,

I definitely believe these things can happen. Like I said before, there has been no change whatsoever in my meds for like the past 8-9 months....nothing. All of my "habits" are the same....the things I eat, books I read, and TV shows I watch.

Marcia....I don't qualify for transplant because of my body's chemistry. That's why I've had so many problems with my kidneys, now kidney, with kidney stones and surgeries. All of my docs (kidney docs, research docs, PCP) have told me that I wouldn't even be able to put my name on the transplant list due to my screwy chemistry. They have said it would basically be "wasting" a kidney. That's why I also will not "live" on dialysis. I believe in [I]quality[/I] of life over [I]quantity[/I] and with no transplant in my future, to me, dialysis is not worth it. Marcia, I'm so sorry for your suffering and your son's. I pray all will work in your favor in the future.

Mush...I wish I could come stay a few nights in your house! WOW!! If my hubby ever saw something like that, he would be like "We are out of here"!!! I'll post if more "things" happen. Bye for now!! :)

IZZY'SMOM 07-12-2008 05:12 PM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
We had an experience similar to Marcia's. My grandmother basically raised me. Not that my parents werent around, they were fabulous. But my GPs live a hop skip and a jump away and Id run barefoot over there everynight to spend the night. I loved staying at my GPs house all of the time.
My grandma had a stroke at 80 yrs old and was basically comatose. I live far away, and when I got ppregnant with my son, I made sure that she got to see him before she passed.
She held on until I took my son at 8 days to see her and let her hold him as best she could in her bed, and she passed the next day. She had never uttered a word for months, and when I sat on the bed with her and my son on her lap, I told her I loved her, and she answered me back. Everyone was stunned beyond belief.
She never ever uttered another word. You could tell in her eyes that she understood what ppl were saying and that made me furious that ppl treated her like she was a vegetable.
Fast forward now my son is 4 going on five. He has NEVER ever seen a photo of my grandma, anything, and one night after we had been living with my now hubby for about 4 months, my son said out of the blue..."Momma...I saw Grandma Mabel."
I asked him where and when, and he stated that he had seen her at the top of the stairway by his room.
We didnt make a big deal out of it, and now I know for sure that she is here watching over us and more so my son.
Sorry to get OT, but I just wanted to share that with you as well.

friendly_one 07-12-2008 05:56 PM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
Hey Izzy,

I'm utterly speechless!! I believe children are more open to these happenings because they have not been "programmed" or been told a million times it's their imagination. Don't worry about being off topic, ok?? I [B]LOVE[/B] hearing about these things. I, like you, also absolutely [B]HATE IT [/B]when people treat other people that are comatose like they are not even there!!!! I firmly believe, just because they cannot "communicate" with somebody, doesn't mean they can't hear, see, or sense things around them, ya know??

My Nanny (my mother's mother) was in a semi-comatose state after a series of strokes and then finally a burst aneruysm. I was only 6 yrs. old and not at the hospital. My Mother and her 4 siblings were there and they were so peeved about how some of the nurses and docs treated my Nanny like she wasn't even there. Just some of the things they would say around her and my family. After a few of those comments, my Mother,Aunts & Uncles put a stop to that real quick!

After a couple of days and being declared brain dead, they removed her from life support and from what my Mother has told me, she died very quickly (a matter of minutes) and had a look of complete peace and serenity (almost like a smile) on her face. This was very strange, considering her face was paralyzed on both sides from the strokes. My Mother, to this day, (and that was 31 yrs. ago) has never forgotten that look of total peace.

I would have loved to have seen the look on your face when your son said that, and when you dear GM held your newborn son and utter those precious words. :angel:
You know, obviously, she is around you and your son all the time......watching over you and guiding you. Thank you for sharing that very personal experience with me. ;) Bye for now!

zoey1 07-13-2008 12:06 AM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
i agree with some of the other folks i think some folks are sensitive to things seen and un seen. I truly think there is a thin veil. That some folks can walk into and walk out of depending on the experience. I have had unusual experiences both while on meds and long before i ever got on the meds.
My suggestion is keep a journal by your night stand and write down the more vivid happenings. Document them date time them. See what happens in a few months and update the notes. If anything happens that relates to what you saw heard during a happening . You would be surprised what your subconscious mind can tell you if you ignore it , it may just yell at you till you do pay attention.
I also feel as if when we lose certain abilities other abilities come i think in a way to make up for what we have lost

sammyo1 07-13-2008 06:21 AM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
I can tell you all there are things that happen & we can not explain them. Long before I was ever on any meds, my mom passed on in my home, I took care of her for years. Well she would get up every morning she was able & make my husband coffee, which she loved to do. After she passed on I would not allow her door to her room to be opened, & I know my kids would not dare.
Well my husband for a couple mornings after found the door to her room opened & thought I did it. He got in the shower one morning & sure enough her door was closed, when he got out of the shower it was opened. He could not wait to ask me if I opened it, my girls & I were still in bed & this was the week of her funeral. When I told him no, I never opened her door at all on any day since her passing, to hard. Well he was speechless & abit freaked.
I told him I would talk to her about scaring him,lol. sure enough I was alone the morning of her funeral in my home & could hear things coming from her room, I opened the door & her robe which had been hung up was on the floor. So I said "mom you do not have to leave if your not ready & ask her to not freak my husbund out, whom she adored. Of course it stopped, I dont know why, but I do know what happened. So for what its worth I believe things happen that we cant explian, & I have experainced more then one.

Just recently I heard my sisterinlaw out of the blue (who passed on months ago) say to me "just pray", "just pray", I had just pulled in my gargage, my mood was pretty good & all that, before I turned the car off & after I heard her a song came on talking about living every single day the best you can, a song that had been on my mind & had not heard in along time. Talk about strange. Well needless to say I sat in my car & cried,prayed & then thanked her. That very day my husbund came home with info on my now PM doc & stories he had heard that day from 2 other people in our shoes, thats what I had been praying about for along time, some kind of understanding & to be put in the hands of a good doctor. Talk about believing. We are not meant to be able to explain or understand everything, other wise we would not have what we call miracles. Sammy

friendly_one 07-13-2008 12:25 PM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
Hey Zoey & Sammy,

Thanks for sharing your experiences. This is Sunday and something else "unusual" happened between Midnight and 9 AM this morning. We (hubby & I) went to bed very close to Midnight last night. Well, after we got up shortly after 9AM I noticed something.

I have a picture of me and my best friend (the one that died and recently had "the experience" with) in a frame in the living room that [B]ALWAYS[/B] faces the same direction, due to it being hung up on the wall. Well, this morning, it was reversed. Meaning, the picture now faced the wall, instead of facing out into the entry way, as normal framed pictures do.

Everything was "normal" concerning the picture when we went to bed. I asked my hubby if he's playing tricks on me and he said absolutely not. He knows how "touchy" I am concerning anything that has to do with my best friend. He's always been respectful of her memory, eventhough he never met her. She died 7 years before hubby and I met. Anytime I talk about her and look at pictures of the two of us, he always says comforting things to me. So, I do not believe he had anything to do with this.

He didn't even notice it until I said something. The picture is on an angled wall in the entry way by the front door. We never use the front door because we always go out through the garage and use the garage door opener. I noticed it because there is a bookcase right beside it on the other wall the faces into the living room and I was getting a book.

Anyway, just thought I would post again like I said I would if anything else happened. Bye for now!! :)

cmpgirl 07-13-2008 01:25 PM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
Hey Shay, I just wanted to say that I too believe that we sometimes have contact, especially through our "dreams" with loved ones who have passed. I have had experiences several times in my life. I've even had a Catholic priest tell me I was "sensative" to this type of thing. (and no, he wasn't defrocked! LOL) I think this most recent picture situation was your friend's way of validating your visit with her the other night. I'm not sure what the number 12 means, but like many of the others, I believe it will be revealed to you.

I'm glad to be back on the board. Hope to "chat" with you soon. Hugs, CMP/MM

friendly_one 07-14-2008 09:40 AM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??

I agree with you about the validation. I really want to know what the 12 thing means. My hubby told me I kept saying "12 what...12 days, 12 weeks, 12 months, 12 years, 12 what????". I have "this feeling" it's a timeline regarding my time I have left on this earth. I can't explain "this feeling" I have, but I believe that's what it means.

I'm going to drive myself crazy trying to figure this out. I do hope the "12 thing" reveals itself soon. I do have my follow up appointment with one of my kidney/research docs towards the end of August, so maybe I'll find out more info then (blood work to see how the kidney is functioning, or lack of function, I should say... LOL). Anyway, thanks for all the replies. CMP, I wish you could come stay at my house for a while and see if you "pick up" anything. Bye for now!!

hessie28 07-14-2008 04:39 PM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
I'm a believer too. They say that loved ones come to visit you in a dream.
You think a dream but they are really there. It is suppose to be comforting. I don't think it has anything to do with your health though. It's like me, I find pennies on the ground where ever I go. I always say it is my grandmother sending pennies from heaven. Who knows.

friendly_one 07-14-2008 06:53 PM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
Hi hessie,

That's so neat about the pennies and your GM. As far as the "12 thing", that's the only thing that makes sense to me, so far. It could mean anything, I suppose. I guess I'll find out in due time. Thanks for sharing your experience with me!! :)

forginon 07-15-2008 04:10 PM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
I have had a few similar experiences of having conversations with someone while others looked on in amazement. It was while I was on methadone.

I would be amongst friends or family and nod off, or be asleep, and have a very vivid dream that would include me talking with someone, and the friends or family with me could clearly hear me talking with whomever it was.

It was a freaky feeling, but this is just one of the effects methadone had on me.

Don't you use methadone?


friendly_one 07-15-2008 05:32 PM

Re: Am I losing it....or was it a med hallucination??
Hey Steve,

Yes, I'm on Methadone, but I've never had any side effects, other than the occasional "nodding off" if I'm not concentrating on something. I've hallucinated off of Darvocet before, back in 1987. That was strange!! My whole bedroom was lit up in orange (it was night and completely dark) and there was blood flowing out of my T.V. Freaked the heck out of me. I was only 16 and thought I was loosing my mind.

The only other time I hallucinated off any narcotics was while I was in the hospital. I was admitted for severe, acute pancreatitis and on a Demerol PCA. This was 4 years before I was in PM, so, I wasn't on any LA meds, but had been on numerous SA meds for 24 years prior. So, I had a little bit of tolerance, but not much because I only used them very sporadically, like after a surgery, or a severe acute attack.

Anyway, they had the PCA turned up pretty high. It was on a continous infusion, then I could also push the button for a bolus. Well, one day, I was watching Oprah and there was nobody else in the room. My Mother had stepped out for a while to get some lunch. I had been in the hospital for a week by then, so I was pretty pumped full of Demerol. Anyway, my Mother walked in and heard me talking. She was like "who are you talking too"? I said..."Oprah, she asked me a question, so I answered her".

My Mother was like, um, okay...I think your meds need to be turned down! LOL The other incident, same situation, different day, I was craving ice cream. Being that I couldn't eat or drink anything to let my pancreas rest (I was on IV fluids only for 10 days...not even ice chips!!) So, my Mother looked over at me, and sure enough, I thought I had an ice cream cone and was going to town with it!! I just kept licking away at this imaginary cone. LOL Again, too much Demerol. My Mom got a kick out of that one!! :D

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