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    Old 03-27-2010, 02:14 AM   #1
    Madison104
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    Very upset, could use feedback

    Short version if I can.
    I entrusted a new neighbor with information about what I take for pain meds. We have been friends now for going on a yr. I live alone, she is an older woman, very nice and she has been very good to me. She even took me to the hospital when I was injured. It is nice to have someone live so close to me, that can be helpful if I cannot drive or if I get sick and also to have the person speak for me at the ER if needed.

    Anyway, due to a severe injury my doctor told me that I could take one of my muscle relaxers to help me with the horrific muscle pain that went with my injury. It DOES for sure make me a little loopy.

    Anyway, my friend came over to check on me, and we chatted. She asked me if I was okay. I told her yes and never thought much about it, as I was distracted by the pain. I have been right in my chair for over a week, even sleeping in it, because of the rib pain.

    She comes back a few days later with ALL of these questions, telling me that she spoke to a nurse friend of hers, and was I over-medicating?????????
    She questioned even my daily regimen for my chronic pain, and should I or could I be driving, and THEN she says I made up this really weird story. I asked her what the story was, she repeated it, and I said "YES, that is exactly what happened!" It was a cute story about a friend of mine. Sure...maybe a "had to be there moment" but this woman thought I was out of my mind making up stories because to her it was not funny! Just so you know, this story is about how a friend of mine hates the rain, because she swears that the raindrops hurt her when they fall on her face! We still laugh together every time it rains, bless her! And this WOMAN that I thought was my friend, thought I was "out of it" as she put it.

    After much thought, I have to say my feelings are crushed. Why don't people understand chronic pain and treatment? Why do people look at us like we are exaggerating? And who is this woman to ask me if MY doctor knows what he is doing, basically?

    MY mistake for sharing. I know this now. I just don't feel that this woman can be trusted. I did tell her that taking my personal information and sharing that with ANYONE was way out of line, for many reasons! And if she told one person who else did she tell? I certainly don't want to get robbed. We all talk on this board about the dangers of people knowing about our medications.

    Sorry this was so long. My feelings are very hurt!!!!!! OH and one of the comments that she made was "I once took a half of percocet and I was looped so HOW can you take that for breakthrough pain AND your other medication?" Talk about feeling insulted. I certainly did NOT hear any compassion about how sick I am, on a daily basis, let alone my new injury.

    Thanks everyone!
    P.S what would you do? because I just don't feel comfortable around her anymore.

    Last edited by Madison104; 03-27-2010 at 02:16 AM.

     
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    Old 03-27-2010, 04:08 AM   #2
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    Re: Very upset, could use feedback

    Years ago I made the mistake of telling someone about my meds. and it backfired tremendously.

    I know that it's so hard because being in pain and the treatment for pain are such a big part of our lives, but we really need to just not tell anyone.

    I am sorry that you're going through this. It's awful. This woman does not know what it's like to have chronic pain.

    I would stay as far away from her as you can. Just don't talk to her ever again. Don't try to fix things with her. It's not worth it for you. You don't need the stress.

    Theres nothing you can do now about it because she already knows. She already knows that you don't want her to tell anyone else.

    Some might go as far as just telling her that she was right and some might say to thank her for her advice and tell her that you are off all meds. and just taking aspirin or something (to protect yourself). I wouldn't go that far though. I would just leave it as it is and stay away from her.

    ...just my opinion, maybe someone else has a better one?

     
    Old 03-27-2010, 04:15 AM   #3
    Madison104
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    Re: Very upset, could use feedback

    thank you so much really. As you know this is a very sensitive subject for us. It is so nice to have others that understand. I am still a bit shocked. I really thought she could be trusted. And we know if they tell one person chances are that they tell others. Talk about learning a HUGE lesson. I left her a note telling her how I felt about what she did. She left me a note saying it was just a difference of opinion!
    At that point I did not respond. And I don't intend to, as you suggested. (in the building you can slip a note under someone's door. I am TOO angry to try to discuss this anyway, any further. And behind my anger is hurt. Like me, I am sure so many here would love to live life every day pain free. Wouldn't that be nice!

    I hate the fact that we have to be so secretive about what should bring compassion from others. But it does not. It brings judgement, unless someone has experienced what we have and do experience.

    Thank you again, I really appreciate the support!!!
    Madison

     
    Old 03-27-2010, 04:30 AM   #4
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    Re: Very upset, could use feedback

    I agree with reallywant, others often do not understand. We need to surround ourselves with those who are supportive.

    In my family my daughter is the one who has had chronic pain- for 12 years now. Even other family members are not supportive and can be mean. We have learned to just not give too much info especially about meds. Unbelievable how insensitive and judgemental others can be when they are not the ones in pain!!
    good luck, JaneVT

     
    Old 03-27-2010, 10:05 AM   #5
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    Re: Very upset, could use feedback

    honestly madison? just chalk this up to a good lesson learned the hard way then let it go. hanging onto this type of crap is just going to keep it kind of recycling itself inside your head and make you crazy along with it. we just learn alot, sometimes in the harder ways than most people when we suffer CP, whenever "something' just happens. but if you did learn something from an experience you had ,it was not totally a negative experience, ya know what i mean?

    ya just gotta realize that the bigger thing here is that you did not actually really 'know' this woman really well to begin with? so it is not a really huge loss for you to just stop even talking to her. i realize the hurt is still there, but you cannot go back and change what happened, only learn from it so you do not make that mistake again, then let it go from there. move on from it as a much wiser more informed CP person hon. while you cannot control 'her' you can control the way you choose to react to this whole thing.

    living with CP is just alot of really new and oh so crappy experiences along the way. some things we just 'know' and other things like this, unfortuently have to be learned the harder ways. and yep, it does really suck sometimes too. just do not waste anymore time thinking about her and what she can or cannot do. whats done is done here. its just the more time and your very precious energies that you give this crappy situation she created for you, the more its going to stick inside your head(and cause anger and resentment). we need ALL of our energies for coping and doing things we simply need/want to do for ourselves. anytime we allow anyones crap to sit inside our heads, even when it caused real hurt, its getting too much control and power over 'us' that it should not be taking from us, ya know what i mean hon?

    just recognize this for what she did and how you felt and what you learned and then move on from it. that truely IS the very best way to handle this kind of crap. once we give someone or something too much real power and control 'over' us and our thinking, we kind of are the ones who lose out in the grand scheme of things.

    i do hope she stays away from you. and i would NOT trust her for any reason at any time from here on out(she is just wayyy too sneaky here). make certain that wherever you even were keeping your meds, if she IS aware of it at all, that you also move them to a totally different place since she just DOES know way too much here. better safe than sorry when it comes to any of our meds. espescially when we are under contract to PM. it just sounds like you live in an apt and not a house? that IS the main reason to actually move your meds hon. just even living in the apt type situation allows many different ways and possible excuses by HER(to possibly a caretaker?) to actually even allow someone else to allow her into your space here. she just sounds like someone who very easily could make up a story where she simply has to 'check on you' to get into your apt(or who even knows what else)? i personally just would NOT take any real chances with her if she actually lives within the very same bldg as you. you simply do not actually even know her history before she came into your life and more importantly, just what she is even capable of either? i do hope you can just let this go and move on madison. Marcia
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    Old 03-27-2010, 11:22 AM   #6
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    Re: Very upset, could use feedback

    Madison104...Hi sweety, i'm very sorry that you had to go through this. I can understand completely how you feel, like you've been betrayed by this woman, & you have. It really ticks me off that unfortunately there are lots of people in this world whom are just like this woman. Who the heck does she think she is!? Poking her snoopy nose in your private affairs. It just really takes alot of nerve! I can understand your hurt feelings over this because i have had my feelings hurt several times by people who just dont understand what it means for us people who suffer from chronic pain on a daily bases. What the heck do they know? They can be so judgemental of us & so hurtful. As if we didnt go through enough already! It really just makes my blood boil! But i have to agree with the other posters here in that i would just let this go & move on & dont ever talk to this busy body ever again. Just let it go & try not to even think about it because if you think about it your causing yourself added stress & you dont need any of that because stress will make your pain issues that much worse. But i would do as others here have stated & that is finding a new hiding spot for your meds. You just dont know how much this busy body already knows & you really dont want to chance anything when it comes to our pain meds because whether lost or stolen or whatever the case may be, it states in our pm contract that our meds will not be replaced. So hide your meds in a new spot sweety. And from this point on i would just avoid this busy body like the plague. What she has done is unacceptable & she clearly has crossed a line here & is no longer on that "friendship" list! A real friend would never do something like this. And maybe this woman just has no sense of humor because i thought the raindrop story was cute & funny! And you dont owe this woman anything, you dont owe her any kind of an explanation. She needs to just take her sorry butt on & go back under her rock & leave you alone! So, just let it go sweety & try not to even think about it. Do what i do when i get ticked off & i know that its not even worth my time or effort to deal with the situation, i just go "NEXT ! ? " lol Just dismiss it as a hard lesson well learned & go on about your business! Take care sweety. God bless.
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    Old 03-27-2010, 12:31 PM   #7
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    Re: Very upset, could use feedback

    I am sorry to hear about this too. One unfortunate consequence is that you may lose your 'buddy' to drive you or help in a crisis. Its just one of those things, people just dont understand. And unless they go through similar things, they never will. But its better to know this now than later, if she tries to 'help' any more by talking to other people about your pain meds.

    I have no car and always have to rely on other people to get me to my appts, (just call me Miss Daisy ) but am lucky in that they work in the medical field (nurses, nurse aids) and they can see me and my pain flow (lows to highs). They are more than willing to help. I really hope you can get a good system to help you in case of emergencies or what have you.

    Its a kind of dont ask dont tell kind of thing really. Good luck to you.

     
    Old 03-27-2010, 01:27 PM   #8
    Madison104
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    Re: Very upset, could use feedback

    You are all like angels to me

    I cannot tell you what it feels like to have so much support. I had to go out today. There I was with my bad rib contusions, alone and thnking, I really need to see about WHO could help me, like a visiting nurse? I know I am going to be another 5 wks. according to the doctor before I heal. I tried to do everything with one arm, but even that, after getting settled I could of cried from the pain. This was on top of my every day pain from the bad arthritis, herniated discs and Lupus pain. Good Lord I need to find some help!

    Does anyone know if the visiting nurses can make runs to our doctors for our prescriptions and then fill them? I am not with a PM but my rheumy prescribes for me. OH and I WILL FIND A NEW HIDING PLACE!!!! There are many times that I cannot drive due to my dizzy spells, and then taking a day like today where I had to put off my meds. so that I could drive to the store!

    OH gosh how much can we all suffer? I just feel down and out and sad.

    It is funny what we think of, because I thought IF I wanted to date, who would ever put up with all my aches and pains!!!! (SIGH)

    I am going to take your (everyones) advice and just stay to myself and boy oh boy have I learned a lesson! I think a sense of humor is so important. I can be silly and goofy but if that keeps us laughing, it really helps.

    So, anyway, I got some groceries in the house. I don't even know how I managed to do that. The pain was so bad, that it hurt to breathe after.
    I am for now, a lump in my chair until I can get some relief and energy back.

    Bless YOU ALL! from the bottom of my heart!!
    Madison

    Last edited by Madison104; 03-27-2010 at 01:28 PM.

     
    Old 03-27-2010, 01:56 PM   #9
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    Re: Very upset, could use feedback

    Madison104...No problem sweey! I'm sorry i dont know anything about visiting nurses but maybe somebody else will come along to help you with that question. It would be nice for you if you could get some help whenever you do need it.
    I'm glad that you were able to get you some groceries in the house. Maybe now you can just sit back & try to relax for a bit. All the best to you. Take care & God bless.
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    Old 03-27-2010, 02:04 PM   #10
    Madison104
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    Re: Very upset, could use feedback

    Oh thank you Angelique! I hope someone way know of a way. I sometimes get afraid when I cannot do for myself. Not in a pity way, but just in a fearful way.

    I appreciate your kindness very much!!
    Madison

     
    Old 03-27-2010, 02:30 PM   #11
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    Re: Very upset, could use feedback

    Madison104...Awe, bless your heart, you're very welcome. And i completely understand your fears. I would help you myself, if i could! I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers & try not to worry too much. Just rest & relax & take it easy. Everything will work out! Take care & god bless you.
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    Old 03-27-2010, 03:04 PM   #12
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    Re: Very upset, could use feedback

    Angelique...when I got my books from the library, I got one titled: Thanks! and it is all about gratitude. I think now is a good time to read it, because it is hard to remember to be grateful when we feel like Ms. Crank!!! right? lol

    I will keep you all posted. And yes, I am going to rest all that I can!!
    (((healing hugs to everyone)))
    Madison

     
    Old 03-28-2010, 08:37 AM   #13
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    Re: Very upset, could use feedback

    madison, check with your ins co to see just what they actually would cover and kind of go from there as far as visiting nurses or any type of real 'help' goes? sometimes ya just don't know whats there and availiable til you really look or call someone at you ins co and simply ask what they have in place for your particular type of situation. another possible option would be to simply look at ANY actual social service programs for like the disabled or any other thing thats usually listed more in the very front of your local phonebook? i do know where i live, there IS a program that does give free rides to and from like doc appts and stuff like that? just do some checking around and see what just IS out there and potentially available for you to simply utilize right now. it just so sucks feeling 'needy' i do think many of us can really relate to that. i too am in that same, "need to keep asking people for rides and crap" situation? it just really gets old fast.

    but talking with someone from your own ins co really would be the best place to start. we have had to go this route before with our son and his liver transplant nightmare(everything has been great now coming up on ten years this june tho). we had to utilize the in home nurse thing for awhile. she popped in like once a week just to make certain things were going as expected? just a possible resource you may also have availiable. but DO check out ANY types of programs that offer the ride thing. for you and what YOUR real needs are, that one thing could really help you the most since picking up your rxes and getting them filled, in most cases just has to be done by you, or someone you actually trust, which unfortunetly does not appear that you have around you right now? just some suggestions.

    good luck hon and do NOT ever lose that good sense of humor you have. it can be crucial when in certain situations just to even get you thru the crappier stuff in life. still have mine despite everything, but i seriously do feel if i should ever actually lose that, i'm toast. sometimes laughter just IS the very best medicine like nothing else can really 'do' for us, ya know? let us know how you are doin madison. Marcia
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    Old 03-28-2010, 12:10 PM   #14
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    Re: Very upset, could use feedback

    Madison...

    Check out my blog about Family Seems to Have Little Understanding and even the Giving Ourselves Support one. The first one will help cope with the "pink elephant" of chronic pain, the second will help you with getting past your last episode with the elephant.


    ~Myo

     
    Old 03-28-2010, 12:29 PM   #15
    Madison104
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    Re: Very upset, could use feedback

    Another rough day and then I come here and I get picked back up again I will check out those references and read that blog. I appreciate it SO much!! As you say it does feel lonely and frightening for all of us.

    I was getting ready to see if I could find some money somehow and try to pay someone private but I barely get by with the cost of things going up and up and up.
    It seems like every time I go to the store my bag gets smaller and I spend more.
    (((hugs))) to ALL
    And thanks again!!
    Madison

     
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