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CoolWaterz 06-20-2004 11:59 AM

PLEASE I NEED HELP and Advice!! Panic/ Hair
I cant take my life anymore, and I need to just completely pour myself onto this computer. I need support from anyone who could offer me any or advice from anyone who had dealt with anything close to what I have been dealing with. I am not suicidal or anything, although sometimes I do fantasize about what it would be like if i could just die and get away from all this. In my most vulnerable points, I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up, but I know I would never take my own life. It is just so hard as you will read on and understand. Let me get into it.

About 2 years ago next month I was in a car accident. I walked away without a scratch on me except for underneath my thumbnail. My car was completely totalled. I was actually pretty fine, except the fact that I was understandibly shaken up. Fast forward to a few months later. I started my senior year of college. Within a few weeks, maybe a month after college, I started noticing hairs on my pillow. This was extremely odd, because I never noticed this before but I attributed it to the fact that for the first time in years and years my hair was long(down to my ear)so I figured that I just never noticed before because my hair was so short. Although upon first glance, I felt a feeling in the pit of my chest like my heart skipped a beat.

That same year about march, my grandfather who had been in the hospital for lung cancer, who i was very close to, died of kidney failure. I began noticing within a few months that when i would shower i had alot more hairs on my hand then i had ever had before. This became very troubling to me although I still figured it was due to my hair growing longer and since it was so long, it was naturally ending its cycle. However, a part of me became very nervous and at night maybe once or twice every few months I began to feel my heart pound, my hands tremble, and my body sweat. I knew I was getting extremely nervous, but i was able to shake it off.

I graduated in December of this past year and started my job within 2 weeks of graduating. I began waking up at 7am and commuting to the city every morning only to get home at 7pm. I started getting alittle depressed because of the fact that my college life ended, and I felt i wasnt ready to grow up. I couldnt handle all the responsibility and still felt like i was an immature kid inside. I longed for the days of parties, girls, getting drunk with my best friends, living under the same room as all my best friends, the bars....They moved me down to the vault in the bank where i work at, and i became extremely depressed. Now I had no sunlight, a tiny cublicle they called a room, an annoying coworker who i fantasized about killing, and a job doing medial tasks, which i didnt graduate with an economics degree to end up doing. I began having panic attacks every single night and they would come and go every night for hours. I also began noticing patches of my scalp on the back of my head and this added to it. I became obsessed with my hair because of the fact i have always been obsessed with my outward appearance and maintaning my looks. I was so scared not that i was going to die from panic attacks, but that it was making my hair worse.

I went to a hair specialist who diagnosed me with Telogen Effluvium, a condition where extreme emotional distress causes the hair to go immediately into a resting phase where it eventually falls out. Most people always have about 5-15% of their hair in these phase...well I managed to cause more like 50% or more even to go into this phase. Thus making it much more noticeable.

After I quit my job because it was stressing me out so much, I would wake up fine, but like a light switch in my brain, i began to have a general feeling of uneasiness in my stomach. It was a feeling like someone was about come from behind and mug me. I started seeing a therapist,and it really helped me to get out what was bottled up for so long. She recomended medication but i was too scared to take any because of my hair. Finally after a few weeks of constantly battling with my anxiety and panic attacks, i went to a psychiatrist and 6 days ago I brought myself to take 50mg of Sinequan. Its amazing how immediately I felt the general anxiety leave. I was so scared that medication would have an adverse effect on my hair, that i tried to conquer this without any..but eventually it just got to the point that it swallowed me. My problem comes at night. I always feel pressure now to go to bed, because I NEED to calm down in order to make my hair better and yet this seems to cause me anxiety...the feeling that if i dont calm down, i wont get better....The first few nights I took the medication I was sleeping, but now every time I go to sleep no matter how calm I am, I get this feeling right as I drift off to sleep as though I am on the downward part of a roller coaster, and I jolt out of sleep. Eventhough my brain is completely calm, its like the minute i drift off into a dream, it jolts me awake and my heart feels like it was shocked. I am still completely calm even while this happens repeatedly. Its almost like i float over these jolts because i am emotionless..i feel no fear, no panic, no worries..but no matter what they keep happening every single time i am about to drift off to sleep. Last night it kept happening over and over and i couldnt sleep. Eventually I lost control because i got so angry, and when it happened again I felt the sweat come, and the hands tremble and i got worried because i knew this time was a panic attack. The doctor told me the first time it happened, if it happens again to increase my dosage to 100mg, but i am scared to do this because a part of me is still obsessed with my hair. I am scared the panic attacks are bringing on my hair problems also so its like a catch 22. I hate going to sleep because i no matter how calm i am i just cant seem to get rid of this crap at night. My doctor prescribed me ambien also but expects 30 pills to last me 3 months. I have already taken 3 in 6 nights! As soon as I take them, I am calm and able to go to bed. I am at my wits end, i try to be optimistic but once i wake up after a night with a panic attack, i feel depressed and defeated and scared to death it caused my hair condition to get worse. IF only i could be put to sleep for a few months until my condition improved. Can anyone else relate to anything I have wrote about? I NEED advice i like want to cry over here....

hry33 06-20-2004 03:11 PM

Re: PLEASE I NEED HELP and Advice!! What is wrong with me??!!!!!
if you didnt have panic attacks before the car crash you may have post traumatic stress disorder from it, look this up on the net

dont fear the panic attacks , they wont kill you or do you any harm
when they happen, breathe deep and slow, dont tense up or fight back, just relax and accept them and wait for them to pass, ambien disolved under the tongue helps

sinequan is a tricyclic antidepressant that when working properly should reduce the panic attacks and your anxiety, it may take up to 6 weeks to work properly, until then ambien will help, try to get more.

Healingbreeze 06-21-2004 10:20 AM

Re: PLEASE I NEED HELP and Advice!! What is wrong with me??!!!!!
Hi there,

I am so sorry to hear about what all you are going through. I am just beginning my journey into the panic attack world myself.

My husband was in a car accident last October, he was fine, but his truck was totalled and it scared me to death. Then, in November, my baby brother was in a motorcycle accident. He spent sometime in the hospital, but he is ok. That's just a call that I never want to get again. Here recently, I am in the process of trying to change jobs, our town was flooded and our home sustained damage. Then, about 2 weeks later, a tornado ripped through and luckily this time mother nature spared our home, but it was so terrifying. My husband is doing some not so nice things, I had a miscarriage about 3 months ago, etc, etc. It has all just now hit me, and like you wonder what it would feel like if you just died. It makes you want to go to sleep and not wake up until everything has straightened itself out. I shake, I cry uncontrollably, my heart pounds. I just want to climb a mountain and scream at the top of my lungs so everyone can hear me. You feel so helpless. From what I've read, it does sound like you and I may be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress. Since this is all new to me, I don't really have much advice for you. Just know that you are not alone. Sometimes it's hard for me to talk to people in person about everything, because I just start to, it's easier for me to pour my heart out to people I can just type to. :) Hang in there. We must tell ourselves....."This too shall pass".

Take care....


bingling 06-21-2004 10:41 AM

Re: PLEASE I NEED HELP and Advice!! What is wrong with me??!!!!!
Sorry to hear what you are going through,
I know first hand about the hair loss...I lost like 50% of my hair before being diagnosed with this.I don't think meds will make it worse..most likely better.
All my hair is back now..although shorter than i's all full again.
Try taking Selenium..this helped my hair grow back.We all understand what you are going through.Hang in there will get better. ;)

hanelo4 06-21-2004 11:46 PM

Re: PLEASE I NEED HELP and Advice!! Panic/ Hair

Wow, you sound a lot like me with the obsession. I am so sorry to hear you were in a car accident, but I am glad you are okay. Beofre I ever had a panic attack, I had anxiety and I would obsess about things all the time. I was losing my hair at one point too about 3 years ago from my thyroid being swollen. When I would take a shower a whole handfull would come out. I would barely pull on my hair and it would just fall out. That freaked me out big time! I leanred, just like you that stessing over it only makes it worse. But, how can you not stress? It's a never ending cycle. I realized I had OCD(obssessive compulsive disorder), because when I finally got over my hair stress, I started freaking out on my teeth. They were moving a little bit and I thought they would fall out! Where I got that idea, I have no clue cause my dentist told me I had very good teeth and that they would last long. I didn't believe him at the time, I just kept stressing. I am now on Lexapro and klonopin. You said you were on medication, but did your doctor give you anything to cope with the stress until your medication kicks in? It take 4-6 weeks for the medication you are on to get in your system. The klonopin I take really really helps me with stressing out and obssessing over things. It's kind of like xanex, but stays in your system longer so you don't have to take it as much. You may want to ask your doctor about it hun. I hope you feel better soon.

Oh...........I also wanted to tell you that AG Protabs helps with hairloss. I tell everyone on this board this. This is what I used for my hairloss and it helped my hair grow back. You can probably find it at Wal-Mart or a pharmacy. It costs around $15 dollars, but it is well worth it. My mom just started taking it and she is pleased with the results so far. My hair stylists also recomends it to her clients and she told me the other day that she has seen new hair growth in some of the mens hair she cuts. Whatever you choose, I hope something works for you:)


Phil77777 06-29-2004 04:10 AM

Re: PLEASE I NEED HELP and Advice!! What is wrong with me??!!!!!
Yes i feel you on the being put to sleep for a few months...i feel this would be an ideal its all in the mind....if we are asleep for a long period maybe we would reset?

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