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  • I think my chances of having a girlfriend are slim and none

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    Old 04-13-2005, 09:47 PM   #1
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    Thumbs down I think my chances of having a girlfriend are slim and none

    hey again, i posted something on the anxiety and OCD board about this along time ago. I am 19, soon to be 20, I just don't think I will ever be able to have a girlfriend, It just won't work out with me. Here are the main reasons why:

    1. I had one sort of girlfriend, in high school, that lasted three weeks, we never kissed or did anything, we were like good friends going out to movies and whatnot, it was nice, but then she wanted to just be friends. we are still friends, I just constantly find myself wishing I had a second chance with her, but I know it will never happen, yet I still think about it a year and a half later, arrrrrrghh its still eating away at me.

    2. I suffer from OCD, panic attacks, and major anxiety. I am constantly in fear that girls won't like me, or that I would mess up if i actually tried to kiss a girl or anything else. I fear that they will be way more experienced then me at stuff, such as yada yada.

    3. I am a naive son of a gun, I grew up extremely sheltered, and I just get freaked out and panic over idiotic things, like anything basically involving intamacy makes me panic, for ex: in high school I panicked over having to lightly touch a girls shoulder during a skit, and actually had to leave the room.

    4. I am 5'5", and weigh 110 pounds. All the girls i know or have met, consider me the slightly loopy nice guy, I always end up annoying girls by rambling too much over stuff that doesn't interest them. I drank like once in my life, and I will never do the frat house routine. I like nerdy girls, I just am afraid that even they will be more experienced then me at stuff, its like I fear them...If they've had tons of boyfriends beforehand.

    currently, i am growing out my hair, since its something I always wanted to do. But, my sister says i should cut it short and wear hollister shirts to attract women, and my mom wants to cut my hair and thinks it will make me look gay or like a woman or something. That is causing me to panic, since I have to go home soon and find a job, plus our town is small so there is nothing to do... OY, I can't seem to get over the stupid fact that I probably will never have a girlfriend, never makeout, never have sex, never be "normal." I want to just not be percieved as being so freaking weird, I've tried working on my self esteem issues...nothings working. I don't want to take any medication for my issues, my parents are against me taking them, and I'm against taking them....I'm not knocking them.

    Any Advice, at all for myself and my already seemingly wasted teen years?

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    Old 04-14-2005, 03:58 AM   #2
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    Re: I think my chances of having a girlfriend are slim and none

    One piece of advice: you are only 19 years old and have a lifetime of experiences ahead of you.

    I think you need to find something productive to do with yourself in regards to getting an education, a vocational skill or finding a job and a hobby. Once you apply yourself to this, other parts of your life will follow. You will have a lot more to offer others from the experiences you gain in these parts of your life.

    And remember, when it comes to meeting people (esp. females) it always pays to be a good listener and not get caught up in yourself.

    Old 04-17-2005, 03:39 PM   #3
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    Re: I think my chances of having a girlfriend are slim and none

    You could try joining a gym. It relieves stress to work out, builds self-esteem and may even build a little muscle. If you feel better about yourself, you will probably do better with women.
    I had a friend in HS who was 5'2" and like 98 pounds. She had a boyfriend who was maybe one inch taller and maybe 10 pounds heavier. Just because you aren't the biggest guy, doesn't mean girls won't like you. You just need to realize you are a good person and work on your self-esteem

    Old 04-17-2005, 06:48 PM   #4
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    Re: I think my chances of having a girlfriend are slim and none

    Hi worrywort,

    I felt the same way you did when I was at that age. I was at the opposite end of the spectrum, however, as I was overweight. I figured I would never find a girlfriend because I was physically self-esteem fell into the toilet...and I began to come to the conclusion that I would never find a girlfriend.

    Your feelings are understandable, but I think the first step you need to take is to figure out what person you want to be. You can try to put together a person that you think girls will find attractive, but ultimately you will not be your authentic self....just a projection of what society says is "attractive" or "in." So I say stop trying to figure out the pros and cons of letting your hair grow out - if that is what you want to do, then do it. Forget the "hollister" shirt (whatever that is)...wear what you want to wear. A female is going to have to like you for you...not what is currently the in thing on MTV or how advertisers say we should dress and look. Once you find peace with who you are and accept that no one is perfect (i.e. accept your own limitations as a human being), then you will be able to approach a girl with the confidence that says - "This is who I am." If she doesn't like it, then she isn't worth your time.

    You'll find the person for you. Just give it time and stop trying to figure out what other people want. Focus on what you want, and everything will fall into line.

    Good luck!

    Old 04-24-2005, 08:00 AM   #5
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    Re: I think my chances of having a girlfriend are slim and none

    I fully agree with Bushleaguer. You have got to stop worrying about what others are thinking and get comfortable in your own skin. I know, easier said than done but girls or anyone for that matter are going to see right through you trying to be someone that you are not. You need to find something that you really enjoy, lets say its robotics or something like that, join some clubs where you will meet others that are into the same thing. There are going to be girls there and then you will have common ground on which to start conversations. You will be more comfortable because you are in your element and not trying to be someone you are not.

    As for cutting your hair and wearing particular clothing. Sometimes it doesn't hurt to try new things but don't stick with it if it makes you uncomfortable. Besides you really don't want to be with someone who isn't going to like you for who you are. You can't live your life trying to be someone they will like.

    My current boyfriend of 3 years is really pretty much a geek. He knows it and accpets it and just is always himself. He is always joking about how he has "over achieved" by being with me, that I should be with a "jock". The things that attacts me to him is how he is happy with who he is and that he is different from the other guys. He is not self obsorbed. He doesn't have to spend half his life in the gym or in front of the mirror. We have great conversations and we laugh together all the time.

    The most important thing is to not spend your life worrying about this. Get your life together, get a job you are happy with, get involved in hobbies, find peace within yourself and when your least expecting it you will find someone. That is ususally how it works out best anyways.

    There is someone out there for everyone.

    Oh yeah, and don't you worry about not being as experienced as the girl. Some girls might just think that is pretty special to be with someone who hasn't slept with 100 girls. You are a rare find. When you are with someone you really care about things will fall into place. Really!! Besides just because a guy has experience, doesn't mean he does it well.

    Chin up and good luck!

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