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    Old 06-14-2006, 11:52 AM   #1
    sweptaway76's Avatar
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    My story/journey (sorry so long)

    First off, I am glad I found a forum about panic. I have never even thought of looking for one. Anyway, I am new here and have been suffering with Panic Disorder for 12 years. My first panic attack was when I was 18. I was so weirded out when it happened but didnt think much of it until a few days later when it happened again. I thought i was going to die and then convinced myself that I had a brain tumor. I had gone to the doctor twice to explain my symptoms, had bloodwork done, but everything came back normal. My doctor told me to exercise and eat healthier. Yah, sure! I continued to have these feelings and swore that the next time it happened, I would die. I ended up quitting college because I couldnt deal with going to class anymore. I ended up getting a job and will never forget the first panic attack I had there. I think it is in my top 5 worse attacks. I thought I was having a heart attack. My blood pressure was sky high and my pulse rate was out of control. After about 15 minutes I finally calmed down . I was finally properly diagnosed with panic Disorder and was put on Zoloft. I decided after about a week of doing research on panic attacks that I didnt want to take medicine because I thought it was something I could work on myself. I was good for about 6 months, no attacks. Then again out of the blue, doom hit. It scared me so bad, but I still refused to get on meds. After a month of attack after attack I went to my doctor and got a RX for Zoloft again. I must say, Zoloft did wonders for me for about a year. The first coupke of weeks were not fun because of side effects I was having, but they did go away. Unfortunately, Zoloft stopped working for me so I weaned myself off. I felt fine off the Zoloft for about 4-5 months. Ofcourse, out nowhere came my worse panic attack ever. I called my friend to come bring me to an urgent care center. After waiting, outside the building, for what felt like hours, I finally saw a practioner. She gave me a RX for 2 xanax, Zoloft and a referral to a counsler. That Xanax was a life saver. After 20 minutes I felt like a "normal" human being. I ended up seeing 2 different behavioral therapist. Being on the Zoloft and seeing somebody made me feel so much better. Friends, co-workers and family saw a huge difference in me. I saw the therapist for about 6 months and ended up learning so much. Another 6 months later, the Zoloft, again, stopped working. I decided that I didnt need to be on any medication because of everything I learned from my sessions. I started having attacks again, but was able to control them with breathing and mind set. It was working and i was proud of myself. If I had an attack, I would just keep doing what I was doing and not run away or freak out. Ofcourse I thought I had everything under control until I woke up having my second worse panic attack ever. Nothing was working! I called a friend to come over and talking to them finally calmed me down. I went to my doctor first thing Monday morning and was put on Lexapro. I had no side effects with Lexapro and felt better within the first week and a half. I swore I would never get off of it. Eventually the Lexapro stopped working and I was having attacks again. I begged my doctor for Xanax. So to bring you to today, I am not on any daily meds but have a bottle of Xanax with me and take it everywhere i go. I only use it when absolutely needed. I also think that just having the Xanax with me at all times, makes me feel a little better. I want to try another med, but am scared of it not working. I hate living like this and still to this day do not know what triggeres these attacks. I really do not have many stressful things going on in my life but continue to feel like crap. This past week has been really bad as far as attacks. I try to not take the Xanax and deal but it is so hard. I feel so drained and out of it. I honestly do not know what to do anymore. My insomnia has been horrible and I know that not sleeping isnt doing me any good. I am just so scared to try another med and have it stop working. It is like your hopes are so high when it working and then BAM, your right back where you started. Yesterday at work I felt an attack coming on and I sat here and dealt with it. Did breathing and counting and whatever else I could. I did bring myself out of it, but my goodness, I was so drained after it i couldnt do anything for the rest of the day. i just wanted to sleep. I am so sorry this is so long and I know alot of you have gone through the same thing, but does anyone have any advice I havnt received? Any different kind of therapys or books that have helped you? Tjis just sucks. Thanks for listening. (or reading)

    Last edited by msmod; 06-14-2006 at 12:07 PM. Reason: Please read all of the "Sticky" posts at the top of this board as to why edits where made to your post. Ms_Mod

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    Old 06-20-2006, 08:23 PM   #2
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    Re: My story/journey (sorry so long)

    you might benifit from an antidepressant but you might not. Have you been diagnoised with anything. Some people have found natural products such as st.johns wort. Try to remember what you learned from your therapists

    Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
    Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
    Borderline Personality Disorder
    Generalized Anxiety Disorder

    Current Meds

    Old 06-22-2006, 09:21 PM   #3
    EFG Tech
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    Post Re: My story/journey (sorry so long)

    I understand a lot of what you are saying and going through I have had panic disorder for over 15 years and my guess is all my life but I self medicated in the early years which led to other problems with alcohol and drug addiction, I been through so much therapy, bio feedback, I have tried so many different medications. My doctor finally put me on xanax 15 years ago, now in the last few years he has changed that to xanax xr I have to take one pill of 3mg everymorning. I wish that I could get off the medication but they have told me I would have to go inpatient treatment because of the addition to xanax now. There are still certain things I just can't do or if I do I still have attacks even on meds. It is very hard to explain to people they always think its just in your head. I wish I had some advice to help you with but right now all I can say is hang in there, do all the research you can and keep in touch with your doctors, and the best thing I have found is someone you can talk to about it that understands a friend, family member, or even this forum will help. Good Luck and I hope that responing to your post has let you know that someone cares.


    Old 06-22-2006, 11:33 PM   #4
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    Re: My story/journey (sorry so long)

    I to have panic attacks. I took paxil for a while then got off because I felt better and they came back. I have tried to work them out but the ones I get at night are the worst. I used to take stuff like benadryl andf nyquil to help me sleep but they dont work any more. I have some xanax but am a little scared to use them. Sometimes I lay there and my heart flutters so much. I hate it. I was going to try to work this out on my own but I want to start work again soon and I dont want this to affect my ability to work. Thanks for sharing your story. Most people think they are crazy. I know I did at first. I thought I was losing it. Just hang in there.

    Old 06-25-2006, 05:28 PM   #5
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    Re: My story/journey (sorry so long)

    thank you all so much. This is a very hard disorder to understand. All that I have learned and read, and I still feel messed up. You would think that after years of going through this, your mind would stop thinking the negative thoughts. If I had a penny for everytime I thought I was going to die, I would be a millionare. Lately, I have even been looking at my family and I start thinking, what if they were to die tomorrow? Then ofcourse I get panicky thinking about someone close to me ending up dead. I just cannot stand these thoughts anymore. Earlier today, I was having tiny chest pains and for the first couple of minutes I was telling myself that I was ok, then I started shaking and everything went sownhill from there. Thought that this was the big one once again. And I know that I am healthy, I have had every test done from EKG's to MRI's but I still think these things. There are so many people that suffer with this, you would think the medical world would have better answers or better medication. It is sad that a pill that does help you, will make you completely addicted to it and then you have to go to rehab. Or the only daily meds that there really are for panic disorder are anti-depressants. It is all so strange. Well again, thanks for writing. These forums do help. It is good to know that we are not alone.

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