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Please help me. im desperate.

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Old 11-30-2007, 06:22 AM   #1
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Tamworth, UK
Posts: 2
RaverBarbie HB User
Arrow Please help me. im desperate.

Hello there. I really need some help with my anxiety and panic attacks. This may go on a bit...but if you have the time to read this then please do.

Basically i am a "nearly recovered" person, from deperssion, anxiety, panic attacks, nervousness (with extreeme vomiting side effects), and a dozen other things.

basically im doing pretty good with it all. Only whats holding me back is... well heres the story.

I'm 18, i live at home, i find it hard to get a job-im not one of these people who is living off benefits paid by all the tax payers for no reason. because i've tried. i've had 12 jobs since the age of 15.
So anyway i live with my mom and dad. and we cant get on, my dad suffers with depression but expresses it in a non...sort of 'depressive' way..its more of an agressive way.

My dad constantly puts me down. Tells me how worthless i am. and for no reason. Ok i find it hard to work. but im doing to much about it to try! Ive been looking into becomming self employed. im also doing an 'at home degree' at the same time.

I also cook, clean, wash, iron, look after my brother, our dog, i completely run the house ASWELL as helping my dad most days to do his job.
but its as if my dad is in a different world to me...
imagine this frustration
You can see that smiley face is red. you know its red. then someone deemed normal tells you its blue. can you imagine arguing with them. telling them its red and they argue its blue. you can physically see this! you KNOW the truth.

thats how most of my day is. my dad will argue things against me that are blatently not true.
i cant even remember most of the things we actually argue about, i try not to respond now. i just say calm down or say dont speak to me like this i help you so much and i dont deserve this. but yet he will then act childish and have a go at me for 'disrespecting' him. the things i say are not 'disrespective' its just that my answers to everything seem to be really mature and my dad acts like a spoiled child. and he feels stupid when i reply with these mature answers so he THEN has a go at me for disrespecting. i then get annoyed because he doesnt say any of this in a pleasant manner -its occasional swearing, but mainly its really personal comments or insults.

I have all this stress on a daily (4/5incidents like this a day) basis.

sometimes my dad will have a go at me because he hasnt heard me properly when im helping him, like doing some paperwork for him...he wont hear something ive said so i'll go into the room to tell him instead of shouting across the house. and i get called things like 'pighead' or he'll tell me im controlling. and i'll say "i was only trying to help you!" and he'll say "oh yeah it looks like it".

and again i go back to my frustrating example of the coloured smiley-this is how frustrating this is. its as if he's not real. i cant believe it.

I've tried talking to him, my mom, other family members. i used to see a psychiatrist, counciller, communitiy psychiatric nurse and am currently seeing a counciller that doesnt seem to want to help.
sometimes when i get through he will be really sorry and itll be nice for a day or 2. but then it just all starts again.

Anyway thats the story (and a problem) but the thing im asking for help with is my breathing. My dad winds me up and frustrates me so much. i constantly shake, pass out, and just general other stress side affects. ive had over a dozen types of tests just to make sure its nothing physical.

when im stressed i cant breathe. i get worked up and ive managed to beat the panic attacks now, but im having these breathing problems. i constantly feel like im gasping for air, i feel like i cant take a deep breath. its as if i need the air to keep going down my throat then chest to reach a certain place that causes that 'deep' breath. and i cant achieve that. it wont go far enough. i know this may sound silly, but i am physically paranoid and scared about getting a cold. i mean its winter now and these sort of things come around and get passed around everywhere. and if my nose is blocked thats even more agony added to my problem because itll make it harder to breathe.

Erm...ok so so far ive been to the doctors, used to be on beta blockers for my panic and anxiety attacks. im off that now. im athsmatic...very very VERY mildly. and...if i take my inhailers i tremble/shake uncontrollably. and ive never had that problem before. its only when i cant breath that this happens. when i first started having these problems i was so scared that i couldnt breathe i went to hospital. and they told me it was like an 'ongoing' or 'slow' long term panic attack. they said theres nothing i can do about it but try to relax.

as most of you guys know suffering with these kind of problems...someone who tells you to relax....i mean...thats like asking an anorexic person to go and have a macdonalds or something. (by the way i dont mean that in a horrible way...its just for people to realise its like the most unrealistic request).

Oh another thing im going to add incase this can help someone answer me, if i can FORCE myself to yawn...that FEELS very similar to the feeling of having a deep breath so i try to do that a lot. but then my chest becomes painful for all the failed attempts just to breath.

Ok..I am really SO sorry this is such a long post..but i've had this for so long and its all been building up and i just cant take it anymore. i need some help to stop me from self harming and exploding. im at the last little string of hope.
yesterday my dad upset me so much.
i cant get help from hospital, mental health councillers, doctors, family, friends. i dont know what to do anymore.

please help me

Last edited by ms_mod; 11-30-2007 at 07:06 AM. Reason: Please read the posting rules as to why part of your post was removed. Ms_Mod

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Old 12-06-2007, 02:47 AM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: LA, California, USA
Posts: 4
Evilmonkey36 HB User
Lightbulb Re: Please help me. im desperate.

I had random panic attacks for awhile...and it sounds strange but one of the only things that calmed me down was reciting something.

It started with counting 1-10, but then I needed something more concrete than I started reciting the scientific classification for living things.

Ya know, Kingdom- Phylum- Class- Order- Family- Genus- Species.

After a couple years of therapy and some intense meditation attempts I managed to get the panic attacks down to nil.

Unfortunately if you're having problems with your dad, and can't seem to fix them well you can't really help someone else's behavior so much as you can hope to influence it's my opinion you should focus on trying to control the one thing you have direct dominion over: yourself.

Try to find ways to bring yourself out of you attacks...I know it's hard but until you and your dad can work through your problems you need to deal with what *you* can control.

Hope this helped a bit,

<3 Elle

Old 12-06-2007, 04:29 AM   #3
Junior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: n.ireland
Posts: 48
Ireland07 HB User
Re: Please help me. im desperate.

From the years of panic attacks and anxiety i had and still occasional do get it i know it comes from deep with in your self esteem. I was convincing myself i was going to die and all it was terrible. simple things became a nightmare and i am still not over some of them.

it steemed from mental and psyical abuse form an ex with me. I felt worthless and out of control of even my own body. You dad putting you down is doing this also as put downs where the things that effected me. if your told something often enough you start to believe it and your brain dosnt want that.

Its like a big monster that lurks and you wonder when its going to get you again, where will you be,what if you do this and that and it sets it off. Its terrible i know. But the way i had to conquer this was not meds, meds made me worse as i was practically convinced meds where killing me and got some OCD's out of it. I still dont travel far in case i get one and get embarrassed. But i had to stand up to it, i force myself to do stuff and had to develop in my head self worth.
first thing i did was get away from nasty ex, was bloody hard as i felt i relied on him and couldnt do a thing with out him, maybe the case with your dad. Similar mental thoughts. I was scared to leave he house and go int a shop cause i wasnt confident i could even do that.

few years later i force myself ti stand there as i relise all the rest of the times nothing happened to me and it was only a matter of time before i was out of there and was going to be fine. Try and get away from people who put you down, get into loving yourself for you and find things you can be proud of.
onec you find achievements anything is possible.

I was afraid of everyone, not anymore. I wont let it get to me! your body is the only thing you can control in your life and how things work so start controlling it. I know this is hard and takes time but you will get there and come out a more understanding and head strong person.

Old 12-06-2007, 12:17 PM   #4
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 101
cutiepie70 HB User
Re: Please help me. im desperate.

is your father in treatment for his issues? it sound like he could be bipolar. whatever it is you are going through, be sure of this: your dad is being ABUSIVE. and it may not be his fault; he may have an illness.

has he been to see a psychiatrist? it sounds like you should all go to counseling as a family. what does he do for a living that he needs help from you all the time?

Old 12-08-2007, 08:22 AM   #5
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Tamworth, UK
Posts: 2
RaverBarbie HB User
Re: Please help me. im desperate.

Hiya, thankyou all for your replies. i wasnt sure anyone would even read my post.

My dad isnt in treatment. i have finally convinced him to ring a counciller and he just missed all his appointments and hasnt even met his counciller yet. and he said he doesnt want to go anymore.

my dad does parcel deliveries and he doesnt know where to go, he doesnt know the road names etc. yet i know most of them and im really good at map reading.

he wont see anyone about it. he went to the doctors about his alcoholism. and they did tests to see how his liver was working. he refused to go for them tests. he was sober then for about 4days. and now he's back into the frame of mind that 'he can drink if he's not at home and its ok if he has about 15 units at the pub'. which you cant do as an alcoholic! you have to completely cut everything out.

anyway it isnt getting better. as im typing this im sitting on my bed on my laptop crying my eyes out. my dad just started not just being horrible to me, but to my boyfriend, because he wont put the christmas lights up with a stapler. which is rediculous. my bf said he will do them and clip them all up. and my dad said we havent got any and the local shop has sold out for today. and my boyfriend said he doesnt want to be responsable for damaging the wires for the lights.

i know this is really petty. but for the past hour and a half my dad has been going on at me and even my boyfriend. and he just wont stop. ive turned my music on and im trying to drown out the shouting.

in about an hour he'll come knocking on the door telling me he was out of order and that he's sorry. and that he'll never do it again and he doesnt want me to feel bad. and then another hour later he'll find another imperfection with me.

i just feel stuck. im 18 and like i said i have a few problems myself. i would move out but money is the issue really, ive applied for a few jobs (like over 10) but none have got back to me yet.

i just feel so stuck in this situation. but i cant go through this any longer. its killing me

Last edited by RaverBarbie; 12-08-2007 at 08:23 AM. Reason: typo error

Old 12-19-2007, 12:32 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,199
Sustasha HB User
Re: Please help me. im desperate.

If I were you, I'd find a roommate, pack up and leave. If you stay, you will be putting what's left of your mental and physical health in grave danger.
I'd even consider moving in with two women and paying 1/3 of the rent.
Do not pack up or leave when he's home. Wait until he's not home. Then move very quickly. Have things packed before moving day so you'll be ready to go when he leaves. Surely he leaves the house Sometimes??
Try and take care of YOU and I hope 2008 is better than this year has been. You Deserve a better life than this.

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