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    Old 04-03-2015, 04:17 PM   #1
    momof2rugrats
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    Advice on Unhealthy Relationship

    I'm at the end of my rope. My daughter is 15 & started dating an 18 year old(she's a freshman he's a senior). This past October. She hid it from us. Had been dating him for 3 days before I figured it out. She wasn't very smart with her Twitter acct. because, she was retweetibg things about boyfriends & relationships. And, I was thinking, what in the world???? I asked my son & he said I needed to go talk to her about it. So basically, I figured out she had a boyfriend. But, the sibling bond, he wasn't going to break I guess? So she was in her room in bed. She had been staying distant for quite a while & I was thinking it was odd. Just didn't really know what was going on yet. So, we let it go on. Because, they were already dating behind our back. And weren't quite sure what to do? They dated from first part ofOctober until middle of January. They were having trouble before Christmas. I didn't know it until I purchased a monitoring program the last part of January. He broke up with her for another girl he had feelings for. She goes to the same school. He's never talked to this girl in person & dropped my daughter only for feelings he has for the other girl. And, he chats with the other girl thru text or other social media. My daughter & the guy parted ways for about a week, no contact. Then, they decided they wanted to be just friends. And, we scaled their time spent together way way back. But, could tell there was still a strong connection. We told her she could not date him again only was aloud to be friends. This was on a Weds & that same week on Saturday. He asked her to date him again. This was last month. So, I found out by accident again. Told her father & he said they basically never stopped dating. I really thought her dad would step in, but, that was the only response. But, the whole dating title has changed their whole relationship. She's still extremely insecure about the other girl he dropped her for. She didn't want to date him do he came back to my daughter I guess? But, he won't stop talking to the other girl. Knowing she feels very insecure. He makes my daughter feel stupid. And it breaks my heart. Comments she's made to him- "I'm stupid, no wonder I'm so stupid, I feel awful about myself, I'm awful, crying herself to sleep, I know there are more. He has been cursing at her, called her a jerk, said if she's mean to the other girl just know it will pss him off. He wants them all 3 to b friends. And my daughter was never her friend to begin with. It's the craziest thing I've ever heard of? Be friends with the girl I had feelings for? Ugh! And, there was a text that he was apologizing for being a jerk. And for scaring her. I don't know what it was about. Now, he's making her feel bad about not drinking enough water & he's making her feel bad about what she eats & makes her feel bad about drinking a pop. We went to get a pop & she was going crazy like feeling really bad because she wanted one. It's not like she drinks them all day every day? He said he wants to be healthy & her bad habits influence him. I'm really hoping things work out in their own. And he's holding out til prom. Because he knows we have a dress & she's excited. I'm really hoping he breaks it off on his own. My husband said he would intervene after prom. Which I thought he was going to make them part ways. But he said he didn't think it was going to solve anything. And he makes excuses for the guy about the scaring & telling her what to eat & drink. He's graduating in May. So I'll b glad they won't have to see each other anymore if they do break up. But, you can tell she's not happy, and she's constantly down about herself. I've lost weight because I'm so stressed over all this.

     
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    Old 04-03-2015, 04:18 PM   #2
    momof2rugrats
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    Re: Advice on Unhealthy Relationship

    And, out of 26 days of bring back together they've argued 14 of those days.

     
    Old 04-03-2015, 07:16 PM   #3
    Seraph
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    Re: Advice on Unhealthy Relationship

    It sounds like typical teenage drama, and will hopefully will die a natural death as his absence and her maturity kick in. She will learn a lot about herself from this. Just keep non judgemental communication going so she has a safe (emotionally) place to fall. Sera

     
    Old 04-04-2015, 10:04 AM   #4
    momof2rugrats
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    Re: Advice on Unhealthy Relationship

    Thanks for your response. Now he's out right calling her a jerk. Because she was worried about him. And told her to she flips out every time there is bad weather? We were in a tornado.

    Last edited by mod85; 04-04-2015 at 12:27 PM.

     
    Old 04-04-2015, 10:21 AM   #5
    Seraph
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    Re: Advice on Unhealthy Relationship

    She is telling you these things. That is very good; means that on some level at least, she knows he is being a jerk and she is keeping you in the loop (not much in the loop, I know, hey she is fifteen). Respond by asking how it makes her feel when he insults her. Once she verbalises that, she will quickly realise that she doesn't like being treated this way. You don't have to say anything about him, just focus on her. My daughter was in the same boat for 2 years with a boy who would put her down, control everything she did etc. she would tell me stuff he did and I would keep talking to her about her own reactions and feelings, and it became clear to her that what she was saying about the situation was making her see the wrong in it. What a relief when she dumped him! And as we had always been there for her and supportive, she fell straight into her soft landing place, thought and talked it all over and we discussed what she had learned about herself from the experience. Good luck, Sera

     
    Old 04-04-2015, 10:55 AM   #6
    momof2rugrats
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    Re: Advice on Unhealthy Relationship

    That's the thing. She won't & doesn't talk to me. I have a monitoring program or I would no nothing at all. I only have it because he was giving us reason to not trust him 😞

     
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