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  • Stepmom needs help

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    Old 04-12-2016, 11:16 PM   #1
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    Stepmom needs help

    Hi I have a 12 year old stepdaughter who has been acting unlike herslef for months now. At first i thought it was because she had just got her first menstral cycle so i just dismissed it. But her attitude just kept getting worst. So the other day i was "snoopy" around and saw her diary, i respect my stepdaughter and trust her. She always come to me for questions. So when i saw her diary i was conflicted on reading it. But i thought maybe she was probably being bullied or something really bad. So i read it. I found out that she has a boyfriend , she has been dating him for over 3 months and has already kissed him. We told her tjat she is took young to have a boyfriend, so she went behind our back and did it anyways. Also i have been in her life for over 8 years now and she tells me she love me and even calls me mom. But in her journal she addressed me as my first name. She wrote about me if i was a stranger. A nobody. I understood i am not her biological mother, (she is in the picture and only sees her biological mother on Saturday) but i feel that i have already gained her resprct and trust. She tells me she loves me and cares for me. But around her friends i am a nobody. She doesnt even call me mom aroud her friends. This happened recently and i haven't talk to her yet because 2 days later i found out about her boyfriend. I truely am heartbroken at this moment and don't know what to do. And i still have to tell my husband, and plus my stepdaughter is withdrawing from us as a family . She doesn't want to "hang out" with us or do family activities. I don't know how to approach this situation.
    I have read from previous post not to tell your kids that you have read their journal/diary but how do i come about in my current situation. I was thinking of telling my husband that maybe she should go for a while with her mom( she lives in the same area) or having a talk with the 3 of us about her lying. Please help me.

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    Old 04-13-2016, 02:34 AM   #2
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    Re: Stepmom needs help

    There are a few issues you have raised here. First is the one where she is writing about you by your name "as if you are nobody to her". This is pretty normal; it is 'cool' to be dismissive of parents at this age, also to not want to hang out with them as much. have known bio live-in mothers getting this stuff. It does not mean she doesn't love you. That is a battle you do not need to fight.
    Secondly, you said she is dating this boy? How? At her age she shouldn't even be spending much time unsupervised with her girl friends, let alone a boy. Make it hard for her to spend time with him, and step up your supervision. If you are careful, you will not need to let her know you have read the diary. Ideally, tho, it would be a good idea to get to know all her friends, boys and girls. Don't panic, the secret is part of the romance. Talk to her about boys and girls, ask her stuff, but don't worry if she is not as keen to share. Cheers, Sera

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