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  • Has step-children but wants a child but the fiancÚ says no

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    Old 09-03-2016, 07:53 AM   #1
    Sonjaxoxo
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    Has step-children but wants a child but the fiancÚ says no

    I am 30 years old and I've been with my fiancÚ for 5 years now. He has 2 beautiful daughters ages 11 and 7. I've been in their lives very early on and I've fallen in love with those girls and have loved and cared for them as my own. Prior to this relationship I was in another marriage and my ex and I never wanted kids which I was completely ok with that because I wasn't ready for a family.
    After divorce that's when I met my fiancÚ. It wasn't until I saw how he was with his girls that completely changed my mind about having kids. I wanted to have a family with him but I learned early in our relationship that he had a vasectomy when he was 23 and at the time I was ok with it because the 2 girls were all the family I needed. But, now time has passed and I've seen these girls grow up and I've changed my mind. I want to have a child and I brought that up to him and we've had talks about it and when it came down to it I would let the idea go because he was happy with what he has now and doesn't plan on changing his mind.

    Then one day he tells me that he wants to have a baby with me and he will start looking into what needed to be done to make it happen. Of course when I heard this news I was very happy to hear it! Sadly, my father died in 2014 and the last 2 years of our relationship were hard and terrible. I fell into depression and the person I was just stopped existing. Needless to say he broke up with me thanksgiving and we were broken up for 3 months. We got back together in March of this year and we've been working on our relationship. I made mention again of wanting to have a baby again and he told me that he will not reverse his vasectomy and that if me not having a child with him was going to be a deal breaker then we were going to have to reevaluate our current situation.

    You can imagine how angry and hurt I was to hear that. Now, I find myself wondering...is it wrong for me to want a child? Why aren't my step daughters enough for me? Can I stay in this relationship knowing a child will never happen?? I want to be with him because I love him and want a future with him but am I ever going to be happy with never having a cold of my own?

    Please don't misunderstand me...I truly love these girls and they have brightened my life but all I want is a child of my own to add to our family. If anyone out there can offer me some advice and understands where I'm coming from I would appreciate it. Thank you.

     
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    Old 09-03-2016, 10:07 AM   #2
    sweetpotato13
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    Re: Has step-children but wants a child but the fiancÚ says no

    You sound like a sweet woman. It all boils down to one huge decision for yourself.
    What is more important to you, your desire to have a baby, or your desire to stay with your fiancÚ? You are certainly young enough to find a new love and have a baby if that's what you need to do. However, that person won't be your fiancÚ.
    It's wonderful that you love his girls. You need to come to terms with the fact that your own baby would be a no-go,, if you stay. I can understand your fiancÚ's stance- he's already had his family, he loves you all, he wants to move forward. You need to decide if you love him more than you love the idea of having your own baby. And if you stay with him, you need to stop bringing it up or you will make your relationship a miserable one.

     
    Old 09-03-2016, 01:01 PM   #3
    Sonjaxoxo
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    Re: Has step-children but wants a child but the fiancÚ says no

    Thank you sweetpotato13, you make a great point. I love him and the girls more than the idea of having a baby. And you're right I could go off and find someone else to have that baby with but I don't want it to be with anyone else. It's not worth losing my family over.
    I'm staying in this relationship with him and the girls and I'm going to make the best of it.

     
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    Old 09-03-2016, 03:08 PM   #4
    sweetpotato13
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    Re: Has step-children but wants a child but the fiancÚ says no

    They are all blessed to have you in their lives, Sonja. So many stepchildren (and stepchildren to be) are so disliked and so many women feel jealous of the time and money and attention. So glad that you feel otherwise.

     
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