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-   -   Am in a bad mother? (Parents) (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/parenting-issues/1025150-am-bad-mother-parents.html)

kahall 09-11-2016 10:27 AM

Am in a bad mother? (Parents)
 
My 17 year old son has voiced his feelings that our household is "backwards" from today's modern family ideals. He feels he should have no repercussions for being late/not coming home at a time he has said he would or has been asked to. He feels that too much is asked of him and that his step father is an "ahole", for constantly reminding him of stuff telling him to pick up after himself. His friends have all til him thngs like "why would they make you cut the grass...why can't they do it themselves?" Or "they are too demanding or mean". My son has a pretty free life. The entire summer he spent galavanting around our small town with his friends...spending many night away with us not saying a thing. On occasion he was asked if he could please clean the small pig pen, or rake up a bit of dog poop, or mow the lawn. Usually asked because our work schedules have been all over and asked mainly because it would be nice to have a bit of help sometimes. Never any designated "chores" other than please bring dirty dishes and laundry out if your room, and keep bedroom tidy. He doesn't seem to have any problemishes doing chores and tasks that he is asked to do at his aunt's house bUT has been told by his friends he should move out and not have to deal with us. Are we really that bad? Is it really too much to ask? I thought we should be teaching our children about respon ability. ..not just be free loaders. I felt like I've given him lots of freedom to be a teenager and enjoy the last years of childhood before becoming an adult...but apparently in today's "modern days", this is backwards thinking? I ask too much?

sweetpotato13 09-11-2016 04:30 PM

Re: Am in a bad mother? (Parents)
 
You are not bad at ALL! In my opinion, YOU should be the standard for good parenting.
At 17 your son is still a minor. You are legally responsible to know where he is. It is very kind of you to allow your son to gallivant all summer, and my assumption is that you are paying for that.
The short answer is that your son is in with bad influences. He is part of your family and should absolutely be helping you out. You HAVE given him lots of freedom. What he wants is to be treated like an adult when it comes to fun, yet be treated like a kid when you need him to to help you. That is so unfair to you. It's ridiculous.
Stand firm. If your son moves out, please know that it's because he is an entitled immature and selfish boy, and it's NOT that your parenting is wrong or bad. When my daughter was 17, she worked. And she did at 16 and 15 too. Chores were not up to her. She turned out a wonderfully capable woman who isn't afraid of hard work, and loves us very much.

grandma A 09-11-2016 11:33 PM

Re: Am in a bad mother? (Parents)
 
Absolutely not! In the real world people have responsibilities they need to do to exist in the world....hold a job so you have a place to live and food to eat. wash clothes if you want them clean, etc. I am just trying to make a point with my examples. My son is 35 now and still is so irresponsible. If I had it to do over again he would have been responsible for doing even more things because we are a family and we all work together too have a comfortable happy life. If he doesnt like your rule let him go try to do it his way for awhile. But as hard as it will be, let him experience the consequences of his choices.

If you rescue him all the time he wont learn the lessons he needs to learn and will always run to mama to fix things for him its very hard but so is life. Better he learn at home then learn the hard way.problem is, the choice is his and at his age....most kids dont have much good sense. God bless you.

rouge 09-15-2016 02:59 PM

Re: Am in a bad mother? (Parents)
 
Everyone that lives in the house needs to contribute to the running of the house at an age appropriate level. Your house is not backwards his friends are or they are lying.

Ehh 02-16-2017 07:18 PM

Re: Am in a bad mother? (Parents)
 
I don't think you are a bad mother at all. But I think that he needs to make contributions to house work too. I've study philosophy and there is something called future oriented consent which means that you make them do things like, cleaning his bedroom and in the future when he is even older he will understand why you made him so those things therefore he knows how to keep his house or room clean when he is older. He needs to understand why you make him do chores occasionally. I would tell him that you and his step father have to work to get money etc. Going into detail about why it is important is good because sometimes it can make children or teens really understand why you make him do those things or that he needs to know how to be independent for when he's an adult because mommy and daddy won't always be there if he doesn't want to moe the lawn and such. Also he can have his own opinions about his stepdad. It's not a behavioural issue, more of adjusting to having a new parent because he may miss his father or that he simply doesn't like his step father. Ask him why and make sure you understand because it can develop your relationship with him even more!


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