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  • How can I teach my daughter that being physically strong is not everything?

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    Old 12-03-2016, 12:31 AM   #1
    marie2016
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    How can I teach my daughter that being physically strong is not everything?

    So I'm mom of 16 year old daughter. She has grown more tall and strong than me and now she doesn’t listens me. She says mom please doesn’t scold me or it will look like daughter is scolding mom. She is also rebellious and 3 days before she fought me because I scolded her for doing homework and it hurts a lot. I'm deciding to contact authorities. Is this right decision? My daughter is 6ft 4in while I'm 5ft 11in.

    Last edited by moderator2; 12-03-2016 at 06:07 AM.

     
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    Old 12-03-2016, 10:25 AM   #2
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    Re: How can I teach my daughter that being physically strong is not everything?

    Dear Marie,

    That's great! My daughter is 6' tall and I am 5'8".
    You are a smart to ask for some outside feedback.
    The problem isn't about your daughter's height or strength. It's about the relationship. Authorities cannot make our children listen to us or respect us. That is up to we parents. First you must respect yourself and her. You can make your relationship with her better.

    Raising children can be confusing since every child and every parent is different than any other parent or child. But all human beings want love and respect. There is no way to avoid conflicts or hurt feelings for one person or the other. I raised a family and experienced rebellion in some children and not in others. I will share some things I wish I knew back then and some things I learned from parenting.

    Keep in mind the issue of parenting is never about height or size. It is about respecting each other. You both are going through a normal experience of a child becoming an adult. The transition from child to adult is not an easy one for the parent or the child. Both of you will make many mistakes as she grows up. Don't worry at all about who has the bigger size. Clearly she does! My children all grew taller than myself and their dad. Size isn't the problem. It's completely normal for a growing child to resist. We cannot control other people. What parents must do is control our own emotions and our own selves. I raised children and self control isn't easy. But you can learn to calm yourself and talk to your daughter calmly.

    The fact is while she lives in your home you as parent are the authority. But being the authority doesn't mean you have to scold or boss her. That will not teach her to take responsibility. In two years she can legally leave home. I'm sure you love her and want her to be as prepared to live on her own as much as possible.

    My suggestion is that you have a chat with her and tell her that you know she is quickly growing up and isn't a child anymore. Tell her that you want to improve your relationship with her. Ask her what she wants from you. And listen without commenting or arguing! Can you do that? You are the parent, so it's your job to model how to communicate with love & respect.

    The point of the communication is to stop scolding her and just talk with her. You need to talk to her with respect, and to apologize for scolding. It is up to the parent to give the same respect that you hope she will have for you. Did your parents scold you? Did you wish they would respect you and just talk with you? I think all parents and children wish for a respectful relationship. Growing up is scary and hard. Try empathizing with your daughter instead of bossing.

    You have to face it that she is growing up and you cannot control her. Improving your relationship with her will make it easier to discuss rules about homework and other issues. It is perfectly fine to discuss these things with her and to listen to her. You can sit together and allow her to help make reasonable rules, and reasonable consequences if she doesn't follow the rules.

    Doing this is a win-win situation. For you to take responsibility for your own attitude teaches her to place limits on herself and to take responsibility for her own actions and attitude.

    Yes you are her parent not her friend, but you can learn to be friendly toward her and stop the fighting against her to work with her....and to give her encouragement instead of scolding.

    Love,
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    ~ YaYa ~

    Last edited by yayagirl; 12-03-2016 at 10:45 AM.

     
    Old 02-16-2017, 07:22 PM   #3
    Ehh
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    Re: How can I teach my daughter that being physically strong is not everything?

    I think that your in a difficult situation and your safety is at risk. Calling the authorities I think is a good idea because some children need to understand that there are consequences to their actions. You know you didn't bring your daughter to this earth to abuse you. In other words my advice is to 'teach her a lesson' not by scolding her but calling the authorities.

     
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