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  • Son asked inappropriate question.

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    Old 02-14-2017, 05:52 AM   #1
    taz223
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    Unhappy Son asked inappropriate question.

    I'm a single mother of one son, who just turned 12 a week ago.

    I decided to have the 'birds/bees' talk with him and explained reproduction to him in detail, but not extreme detail. Obviously at his age he is already privy to some of this information, but there was also quite a bit he didn't seem to know. After our conversation I asked if there was anything he wanted to ask or if he had any thoughts he wanted to share; he seemed a little timid and sheepish and was silent for about 10 seconds, then nervously said that he was really curious about what having sex feels like and asked if I would let him have sex with me just once so he could try it. Of course I said no, and I don't think he realizes the gravity of what he asked because when he said it he didn't say it in a mischievous or malicious way; he was stuttering and his overall demeanor came across as curiosity and innocent naïveté. What I'd like to know is: is this something I should be concerned about? Is this normal for a boy who has just recently turned 12? Or is this something I should be asking a professional about? He has never been prone to behavioral problems; he is actually an introverted, somewhat timid person who is very sweet and kindhearted but also very shy. He has never shown any signs of psychological disorders or anything like that and does well in school.

    How should I handle this?

     
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    Old 02-15-2017, 03:54 PM   #2
    yayagirl
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    Re: Son asked inappropriate question.

    Hi taz223,

    I would not make one thing of it than what it was - an innocent question, asked in private.

    I think the best thing to do now is to not make a big deal of it in any way. You can tell him that he asked a normal question, and you have been thinking about what to tell him. Then explain that that it is illegal and wrong for a parent or any adult to have sex with a child.

    If he seems embarrassed that he asked the question, tell him that asking questions is how we learn, and that you are glad that he asked you and that he can ask you other questions if he wants. Then wait on him to bring the subject up.

    A child that may not be in puberty yet may not be ready to get into the subject of sex. Too much information can overwhelm a child that may not have been already thinking much about sexuality.

    I informed my children that they can ask me questions if curious about sex. Or have first asked if he is curious. I don't think children need to know more than how babies are made and that sex is best to be saved for adults because it can make babies and children cannot go to work & take care of babies. IMO, pre-teens don't have the relational or emotional capacity to understand the ramifications and complexities of sex and relationships.

    Later on when they are in or just past puberty is a good time to discuss morality and the effect of taking a chance of pregnancy outside a committed relationship. If they will listen.
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    Last edited by yayagirl; 02-15-2017 at 03:57 PM.

     
    Old 02-16-2017, 02:22 AM   #3
    MSNik
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    Re: Son asked inappropriate question.

    I would congratulate your son for asking a question and remind him over and over that he can come to you with ANY question and you are proud of him for doing so.
    Once you have reiterated this, I would simply tell him that sex or "making love' is something reserved for people who are in love or mommys and daddys and its not something parents do with their children. That when he falls in love with someone special he will know when the right time will be to find out what it feels like....you can tell him that it feels very special and shouldn't be happening unless he is truly in love and committed to the person he chooses. This might lead to the birds and the bees and protection or you might choose to hold off on that subject for another year. Depending on what grade he is in and what your state laws are, he may be getting exposed to this in health class or he might be hearing about sex in the locker room.

    My kids got formal sex ed in the 8th grade. My daughter was almost 13 (still 12) and came home with questions about condoms and oral sex. Unfortunately, kids are having sex as early as 13 in some areas. Its important for them to understand the risks and ramifications.

    I dont think your son was propositioning you. Honestly it sounds like his hormones are waking up AND he is hearing stuff about sex and is curious. Keep telling him any question is okay to ask...and treat it like you would if he hadn't asked that question. Dont read into it unless his behavior starts changing. As long as he is not trying to touch you inappropriately or talking about anyone having sex with a family member, this was probably completely innocent. Keep your eye out for anything suggesting otherwise.

    My neighbor has a 12 year old who came home and told his mother that he had sex in school....she was floored! It turns out that he and another little girl held hands and she kissed him between classes. Normal for 12, but the lack of understanding about what sex actually is was the most disconcerting. You want him to understand that sex is reserved for being in love and being an adult...the kids grow up too fast as it is!

    Good luck!
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    Old 02-16-2017, 06:32 PM   #4
    Titchou
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    Re: Son asked inappropriate question.

    Most schools in my area do the "maturation" talk with video in the 5th grade so your son is a little past due for that. Many girls are menstruating at age 10 or 11! I'm 71 and started at age 10 so I'm thinking you need to do some catching up with him. And definitely let him know he can come to you with any questions or concerns. You want the lines of communication open as long as you can.

     
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