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Storm18 12-26-2017 09:07 PM

Help!!! Im at my wits end
 
My 31 year old daughter is a songle parent of a 10 month old. I am the sole childcare provider for my grandchild and this is not a problem. Due to the nature of her work i babysit 3 to 6 days a week overnight. In addition to any other needs. The problem is my daughter loudly complains that she needs more support. She needs help cleaning her home or doing other tasks such as laundry. Apparently Iím not supportive because iím not handling these tasks. Any suggestion to her that these are just part of adult responsibilities is met with anger and criticism. Am i being selfish, should i do more? How can i talk to her in a way that will be helpful and not argumentative? Any suggestions are appreciated.

rosequartz 12-27-2017 01:39 PM

Re: Help!!! Im at my wits end
 
tell her that a 10 month old baby takes up all your time, and that is your priority! She can always hire a housekeeper to come in once a week!

yayagirl 12-28-2017 07:50 AM

Re: Help!!! Im at my wits end
 
Dear Storm18,

Let daughter know that you understand that single parenting is hard work, and you are caring for the child because you love her and the child, and that you are glad to help, but that is the most you have to offer. Try to not be intimidated or angry at her outburst. You are not the reason daughter is acting out. Single parenting is a hard job as I'm sure you know.

I raised two children on my own. My daughter became a young teen-age parent. I told her I would let her live at home for free; I would watch the child for for a stipend to help her keep in mind that she is the parent (my only way to help her get through college), and she had to pay me something for child care if she wanted to go out just for fun. It was just a stipend. I explained to her that I raised my kids on my own with no help, and that she is responsible for her child. I would just be grandma. She also had to keep their room clean, do their own laundry, & help keep up the home cleaning and contribute to the food cost and pay for all of her son's needs. My daughter was fine with the arrangement until she got really stressed out one period of time and had a huge outburst.

I calmly told her that I am doing all I can do to help her get through college, and if she screamed at me again she would have to make other living arrangements. It never happened again. After college graduation she got a job and moved out on her own. I rarely ever babysat after that, so we enjoyed holiday get togethers and I was just grandma.

You can calmly and lovingly assert your love and understanding and remind her of the facts and draw the line. Let her know that you understand that single parenting is very difficult, and you love her and the child, and you are doing all you have to offer. I'm sure daughter really appreciates your help but is currently overwhelmed. Well, that's life. Her life. her choice.

I suggest that you not allow her draw you into her angst. You can be understanding, but firm where you draw the line for yourself. Let me know how this goes.

Love,


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