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  • Husband Spanked My Grandson

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    Old 07-20-2002, 05:55 PM   #1
    Aster
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    Unhappy Husband Spanked My Grandson

    My husband just spanked my grandson, age 4 ; neither of us has ever done that.
    My GS was walking around naked after I told him 5 times to put pants on. So my H told him to do it and he goes, "I don't have to" and my H said "Yes you do; put some pants on" and he goes "NO; I don't have to do what you say" and my husband popped him and he fell down. My GS
    is very tired; he's been at the lake all day. My H is diabetic and had just polished off a container of strawberries dipped in sugar when this happened. So now my GS says he'll never be my H's friend again. He stayed in my bedroom for ten min and came out with pants on. So now I'm depressed and kind of worried what my daughter will say when she finds this out tomorrow.
    (she'll probably control her reaction since my H bought her a house, rent free). Depressing.

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    Old 07-20-2002, 06:18 PM   #2
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    Aster:
    Don't wiorry over this.
    Just hug the grandson and tell him you you love him and you expect him to obey you and grandpa when you are warching him.

    Above all don't let this become emotional intimidation!
    Kids always try that "I don't like you" scene when corrected. Just tell him he doesn't have to come to your home, but if he does, he whas to obey you or get corrected.

    He will respect you for it. He knew he was wrong.
    If your daughter has anything to say about it, ask her how she would rather you handled it, and come to an agreement. But in no way do you tolerate disrespect in your own home.

    Weere you araid of your daughter when you corrected her, too? Even if you were, don't be now!
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    Old 07-20-2002, 06:26 PM   #3
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    thank you; he acts like nothing ever happened and is sitting on H's lap but I still am shocked and have tears. I don't know what my D and boyfriend will say.
    We've always adored this beautiful child who has almost no discipline but I thought grandparents were for spoiling, not punishing. aster

     
    Old 07-20-2002, 07:00 PM   #4
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    I am pregnant with our 1st child & have not put much thought into how we will punish our child, but if s/he were at a grandparents home I would have to respect their method of punishment. As long as it were not to severe. And from you described to us I think he had it coming & he was upset but now he seems to be over it & I can almost ptomise you that the next time you ask him to do something he will do as you ask. Granchildren ARE for spoiling, but you also have to let them know that you are still the adult & there are allways going to be times that he has to do as you say.I am sure your daughter will be fine with how you & your hubby handle the situation. Please relax & try to enjoy the rest of the time that you have to spend with him over the week-end & do not let this ruin it for you. He & gramps seem to be doing fine sitting together in the chair together, so try to dry your tears & go join them. & please try to not be upset with Grandpa over this......it probably upset him as much as it did you. We just tend to show it a little more than they do. I am sure my hubby will be the 1st to spank our child & then I will be on here looking for the same support you are at the moment! HEHE http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif

    Hang in there!
    Kim

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    Old 07-21-2002, 05:16 AM   #5
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    I'm sorry but, It sounded like he deserved to have his butt wacked. Children are very forgiving and he has probably forgotten it by now. My oldest grandson is going to be 15 in Oct. and believe me he remembers the fun stuff he did with grandpa.
    Maybe if more kids had a grandpa who made them behave there would be less trouble happening now...Jmo..

     
    Old 07-21-2002, 08:28 AM   #6
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    Im sorry but I must disagree. My son is 10 months right now so I haven't had to disapline him much.
    However
    I can speak from experience when I say hitting is bad. When you hit, spank, wack, your teaching him its okay to hit when someone deosn't listen to him or makes him mad because thats what your doing. Your using intimidation to get the child to do what you want from fear of being hit. Thus teaching the child to intimidate aswell. Maybe the next time grandpa goes to wack him for being bad he may find himself in the HURT LOCKER. My father is a good man, as Im sure your husband is, however men tend to loose their cool when it comes to the kids mouthing off and throwing fits, more so then women. When you are upset enough to hit you hit harder naturally without realising it. Kids are small and of course cann't hit as hard as adults. You can'nt say that when he was hit or wacked that it didn't hurt. He stopped being naughty and mouthing off cause he was consintrating on his red butt and why grandpa was mean and hit him. It sounds as if your hubby is good with financial matters, so maybe the disaplining should be left to you. I must say if one of the grand parents hit my child in any way shape or form, we would be having a huge talk about what is to be expected the next time he stays, if at all. The fact that you mentioned the house makes me mad. You said she may not mention it at all cause your hubby bought her house. The house has nothing to do with your hubbys disiplining tactics! Thats like saying "go ahead and do what you want to my kid bye the way thanks for the house!!!" What has the world come to..money, money, money.
    HuLa
    P.S. I would be more worried about her boyfriend confronting your hubby with the spanking then your daughter.

     
    Old 07-21-2002, 08:52 AM   #7
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    I Am worried a little* about the BF confronting my H
    but the BF probably will not since he's living in a rent free house awaiting the constuction of a new
    log home on H's 5 acres with mountain view and stream.
    My H would supervise the building and the BF would be the actual builder. My babysitting is very valuable to them; they have NO ONE ELSE they trust except for us to babysit. I don't want to have them "over a barrel" over this; I want them to forgive and understand like I'm trying to do. my GS has certainly forgiven and is sweetly playing right here. He has not suffered wounds that will never heal; he is not marred.
    I am very cognizant of the dangers of corporal punishment. My belief that , when used in extreme moderation, it creates respect for the adult and respect for rules. Too much of it is unforgivable and heartbreaking. At my age I can see close friends of mine who were spanked in moderation and they're kind as angels as adults. I understand both views; I've seen the tides change back and forth over the issue for decades. aster

     
    Old 07-21-2002, 05:36 PM   #8
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    I am with hulagirl on this one....

    I do not think a diabetic man should be eating chocolate covered strawberries..... that is simply dangerous....no offense...

    I am going to have a son soon, and like hulagirl, I haven't thought about the punnishing thing.

    But I am very close with my nephews and neice and am around them daily. My nephew has picked up a habit of hitting b/c he saw his parents wrestling.

    So he hit his father once, and his father hit him back, and said... "don't hit".

    Clay didn't get it.... because children at that age are more likely to do what they see, not what they hear.

    I was hit my entire childhood and do not think there is any reason good enough to hit anyone, especially a child......with ONE exception and that is self defense.

    I your H's reason was having too much sugar,
    how can he ensure this will not happen again?
    I wish you the best..... but I would not be surprised if your D is mad.

    Blue


     
    Old 07-21-2002, 06:40 PM   #9
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    I will never be sure it won't happen again. In fact,
    if my H tells him to do something and he smarts off
    he'll get threatened w/another spanking. I'm sure of that. I'm also sure that he is positive many people adore him. No question. A yearly spanking isn't the real problem; my heartache is that he is at the mercy of my daughter's undiagnosed borderline disorder.
    My GS is in a home fraught with addictions. It is too late to get into that subject now . I will be out of state wednesday thur friday. Best,Aster ps it was strawberries dipped in sugar, not chocolate, and it is out of my hands. He doesn't drink a drop or smoke a thing; he's diabetic. So maybe we all have our addictions, some more serious than others.

     
    Old 07-21-2002, 07:00 PM   #10
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    I hope you have a good & safe trip & let us know how things go with your Daugher & her BF!
    Kim
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    Old 07-22-2002, 07:47 AM   #11
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    You love your grand child and your daughter so I suggest this.. YOU DO THE DISAPLINING and let your husband do his job and if the kid acts naughty again you handle it regardless if your hubby is there or not. Boys look up to men, if he keeps getting spankings from grandpa he wll hate him and never forget how mean he was to him. He may grow up and nock on your door one day to punch your hubbys lights out. Right now he is defenseless. Let me put it this way so maybe you can look at it different. What if a 90 year old man mouthed off to your hubby and your hubby wacked him, how would u feel? A 90 year old man is pretty defenseless but not as defenseless as a 4 year old. He's not getting spanked daily but it doesn't matter I was spanked maybe twice that I can remember. When I was 16 my dad started yelling at me because this girl was calling the house and hanging up and they thought I was starting trouble. He acted like he might spank my butt"my dad could do it too, he was strong". But I flipped out back and started screaming and pointing my finger in his face to see how he liked it, I scared him and he left my room. About 45 min later he came back and said he was sorry. He had no idea I could be so mean, beacause I would scream and run anyother time when I got threatened. It will come back on your hubby if you conintue to let him do the disaplining. I feel sorry for him too, Im a girl and I scared my dad he will be dealing with a mad boy!!
    HuLa

     
    Old 07-22-2002, 07:54 AM   #12
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    Hula, in no way will my gentle, laid back husband spank my grandson hardly ever. First, we only see my GS twice a month and he is VERY well behaved most of the time.
    Secondly, he's the kind of kid who will behave even More now that he knows what might happen. And when we said our prayers he goes, "and God bless nana and granddad." He is so precious to us.
    Far as him knocking my h's lights out that would be nearly impossible. This child is off the height and weight charts; very , very small. My husband is huge
    and extremely strong. Old, yes, but powerful. Someday my GS will understand also that he lives in MY H'S HOUSE and is moving to MY H'S 5 acres. And that I paid $2400 in dental work for him. I would never, in any case, allow a frequent spanking. I'm not that stupid and insensitive. But neither will I put up with my GS insisting on running around (even during dinner)stark naked.

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    Old 07-22-2002, 08:11 AM   #13
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    I think your hubby did the RIGHT thing. If he doesnt disipline GS he will think he can do what ever he wants and it will no longer be the loving relationship between them (hubby and GS) because men have a tendency to avoid what bothers them and if the child is out of hand all the time Grandpa will most likely not be so forth comming when it comes to having fun with the child. ALL children need disipline, I have 4 children 2 step kids and 2 of my own. My son is 4 now also and and he loves his grandparents VERY much if my mother or father spanked him I would know it would be harder on them than my son because they also LOVE him SOOO much he must have really needed the disipline. I trust my mother and father to do whats best for my children and I hope you and your daughter have a relationship where she trusts you to make those disions. Please let us know how it turns out.
    Take Care.
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    Old 07-22-2002, 08:17 AM   #14
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    thank you, cooki. My daughter didn't say a thing about it to our faces. My GS said, "we worked it out."
    I cried before I went to sleep and I woke up with tears. It was so out of character for my H.
    I adore that child, my first . He is in Bible school today for the first time. He has his 5th "daddy" figure living there now in his 4 years and I guess he'll never trust daddys. I just don't know. He is so beautiful; I wish I could send a photo link.

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    Old 07-22-2002, 08:42 AM   #15
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    Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child. I firmly believe in that. Also, children who were never hit, spanked, or beaten can grow up to be abusive people, and children who were frequently hit, spanked, beaten, etc. can grow up to be very docile and non-violent. There is no way to predict it.

    I think your H did the right thing. Children need disciplin. I don't hold with the "I'll never hit my children" philosophy. If they deserve a good swat now and then, then do it. I raised my neices and nephew and I hurt too when I had to spank. I was in tears sometimes when they would scream that they hated me, and I cried too during all those phases, but I held to my resolve. Now that they are grown with children of their own they understand and appreciate the disciplin and the joy and laughter. They ALWAYS knew they were loved and they learned manners and courtesy and sharing and respect. They are teaching their own children in the same way.

    There is a world of difference between spanking and child abuse. I was spanked as a child too and I deserved it. It did not make me stop loving my parents.

    On another note, my husband is diabetic too. If your husband is managing his diabetes pretty well, then something sweet like strawberries & sugar shouldn't have had anything to do with the reason or strength of the spanking. And, sometimes even a diabetic needs a treat every once in a while. The treat may help the emotional stability more than the diet!
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