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  • I have had it with my Daughter & her Daddy!

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    Old 01-15-2004, 11:49 AM   #1
    Ksavage
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    Thumbs down I have had it with my Daughter & her Daddy!

    Riley is 13 months old & refuses to sleep in own bed.

    When I was pregnant I swore up & down that my kid was going to it's own roon from day 1!! That was a big fat NOT! RIley was 2 months early & when we finally got to bring her home I had that stupid craddle as close to my side as I could get it. It was right by my bed for 6 months (YEP! 6). Then I moved it across the room for another month! THEN.....I finally put her in her own room in her own bed & she did great! That lasted for a couple of months and then she got a pretty bad cold and could barely breath so STUPID me decides that we would all sleep better if she slept with us until she was all better. WELL.....let me tell you that was the worst mistake I could have made.

    I get her to sleep in the living room at night & then I carry her to her bed & I get a few things done & relax & then go to bed. & Then at about 1:00 am she wakes up & starts a screaming fit. The first couple of night I would try the whole calming thing & would not take her out of her bed & that went over like a snowball in you know where! I finally decided that I was just going to let her throw a fit & fall back to sleep all by herself. I was sick & tired of her tossing & turning in our bed all night.

    Her Daddy says that he can't stand to hear her cry so after about 2-3 minutes of this.he goes and gets her! I am at my wits end. I am on the verge of burning her crib & turning her room into MY room.

    I have NO IDEA what to do! I have given hin ear plugs & told him to put them in if her does not want to hear her....he just laughs at me. I have told him that if he is going to get up & get her, that they can sleep on the couch, porch, barn,....wherever they choose....but they ARE NOT coming to my bed. YEAH RIGHT! As soon as he walks into our bedroom holding her and she whispers "MAMMAHHHH" I just melt and whisk back the covers for her.


    WHAT TO DO LADIES! HELP ME! I AM POOPED!



    Kim
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    Old 01-15-2004, 12:04 PM   #2
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    Re: I have had it with my Daughter & her Daddy!

    man, kim!
    this is totally our house. i didn't know riley was a 2 month preemie! so was Ross! i remember bringing him home after a month. yes, the cradle was in our room(he hated it). most nights were spent on my chest on the couch in the living room or in the bouncy seat. i got lucky with the transfer to the crib cause i bought the really cool crib tent whuich he loved. the new issues started with the toddler bed!!!!! the first week (about 8 months ago) was great! right to bed, had "Love" (his stuffed giraffe) and all was well in toddler land! as soon as he figured out, hey, i'm not stuck in here! we were off to the races. it hasn't gotten really bad til now. he is so exhausted in the morning but you know, i gotta get to work.
    i am the sucker in my house. when ross was an infant, i couldn't leave him if he was crying. (mommy has to fix whatever is wrong syndrome). Nothing was wrong. his daddy was and still is really disciplined about checking him out. if ross is ok and doesn't need anything, the bed time stands!!! the "MA-MA" gets the heck out of me and i'm always like, well, okay. i'm a sucker! i know it! the thing i have the hardest time with is letting my son go and realizing that i'm don't have to be the only caregiver in the world. (ie my husband is good at being a daddy; he does it his way which is a lot like mine but not exactly). okay, if you can make sense of that, i'm gonna take a break from my desk for a few minutes!!!!

     
    Old 01-15-2004, 12:19 PM   #3
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    Re: I have had it with my Daughter & her Daddy!

    This much I know...as long as hubby won't cooperate with you, forget it. You two have to be on the same page for that one. Wait it out he'll get sick of it.

    Ugh, feel your pain. I don't think I have ever had a great night sleep in 12yrs.

    How long do you think your husband can keep this up? It will go on until you put an end to it.

    I still got wakened by my 7yo.

    .....gotta go take a nap, zzzzzzzzzz
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    Old 01-15-2004, 12:46 PM   #4
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    Re: I have had it with my Daughter & her Daddy!

    Honestly....I think he can keep this up forever.

    With the problems that I had with the pregnancy & then having her 2 months early, I doubt we will be having anymore & Riley is the apple of Mark's eye! (& mine too) Since I stay at home with her (w/out him) I was able to cut back on her bottles & now she is just down to her nite-nite bottle. & for the longest time, when she would get fussy, he would want to give her a bottle. He said that I was trying to make her grow up too fast. I have FINALLY just about got him out of wanting to give her one all the time now. & the funny thing is, she never fussed once when I started cutting back on her bottles. She has done great. But as far as this sleeping arangement crap.......A WHOLE-NOTHER STORY!He says that she just feels more secure sleeping between us and as long as she needs us, we should be there for her. I do agree with TO A POINT! This is just getting waaaaaaay out of hand. I do love the feel of her next to me during the night. That is, when she is not kicking the crap out of me or slapping me in the face. She is just a very wild sleeper. Infact, I do not know how she ever gets any rest as wild as she gets. & on top of that....I don't want to end up with a 10 year old in my bed everynight!

    I guess you are right though! It is not going to stop until HE decides that he has had enough of it. Because, I can't turn that sweet little face down when he ends up bringing her in my room in the middle of the night. & as soon as he lays her down, she crawls over to my pillow and burrys her sweet little face in and gives us the funnies sigh I have ever heard. & I just think to myself that this will be THE LAST NIGHT! & it never ever is.

    If I was smart, I would have ended this process during hunting season when he was gone for several days. STUPID ME! I guess I did not realize that he was going to be this way & I was not too worried about it then. AAGGGGHHHHHH....who knows!

    It sucks to have to be the "mean one" ya know it!
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    Last edited by Ksavage; 01-15-2004 at 12:51 PM.

     
    Old 01-15-2004, 03:44 PM   #5
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    Re: I have had it with my Daughter & her Daddy!

    Hi, I had the same problem with my daughter until my husband and I saw a segment on the 20/20 television show showing how to get your child to sleep. The poor couple on the show had a three year old son who would not go to sleep without being rocked. Then he would wake up every night screaming until they brought him into their bed.

    Well 20/20 video taped what it took for them to teach their son to fall asleep in his own bed and stay there all night. The process took three nights.

    We tried this and it was somewhat easy. Be glad it is winter and you don't sleep with the windows open or the neighbors will wonder what is going on with your kid! The first night you put her down in her own bed and kiss her goodnight. No rocking to sleep, no bottle, etc. You want them to learn to comfort themselves to sleep. At the first cry, go back in and lie her back down and say something comforting and then leave. No matter how much she cries afterwards do not go in. My daughter threw herself out of the crib (2 years old) and tried to open the door! We just placed her back in and said something comforting and left. When she screamed for mommy, my husband blocked the door. Then she screamed for him and he almost caved in while I was blocking the door. The poor thing cried for what seemed hours (but it really was not even an hour) and fell asleep sitting up. She did not wake up in the middle of that night. She was probably too exhausted.

    The next night the crying was cut in half and on the third night she whimpered for a few minutes and fell right to sleep. She learned to comfort herself to sleep and if she wakes up in the middle of the night to comfort herself back to sleep.

    If it were not for this TV show who knows how long we would have suffered.
    Tell your husband that it only takes a couple of nights of suffering and it will be well worth it.

     
    Old 01-15-2004, 04:51 PM   #6
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    Re: I have had it with my Daughter & her Daddy!

    Do you think you can sit down and explain to him that "YOU CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

    If he says no, drag her bed in your room. At least she won't kick you anymore.
    (Ha-ha, you shouldn't really do that, and that would create a whole new set of sleeping issues. But it was fun to think about it)

    Really he has to see that you are at your wits end and that should be enough. Also tell him that the LONGER he waits...the HARDER it is going to be. Tell him IT IS TIME!
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    Old 01-15-2004, 06:00 PM   #7
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    Re: I have had it with my Daughter & her Daddy!

    Well guys, I talked to him about it tonight & he says that he will try his hardest to leave her in her room & let her cry. He did ask me not to get upset with him if he caves. He says that he just can't stand to let her get so upset.

    I do understand how he feels, I just do not think he realizes what a horible habbit we have created. he is just very loving and has the biggest heart & that is one of the things that I love so much about him.

    In a way I feel the same way he does & it does break my heart to hear her get so worked up. I just rationalize it a bit better than he does. I look at it like she is "working us" & that makes it easier for me to think about the whole "power struggles" that are right around the corner & I want her to know that WE are the boss & not her! & he just does not see it like that. He truely feels that we are going to scar her for life if we let her stay in her bed "all by herself & be soooo scared".

    SO...the plan for tonight is going to be that when she wakes up, I am going to be the one that goes in her room & lays her back down & sit with he runtil she goes back to sleep & see if that works. I guess I will be up all night if that is what it takes. The whole problem with her is that I almost feel like we need to not go into her room when she wakes up because she gets 10 X's worse after she has seen us in her room. I just do not know wich way is the best. I just know her well enough that the second I go into her room & not pick her up, she is really going to get ******. BUT...on the other hand, if I just ignore her screams & see how long it takes her to go back to sleep, her Daddy will only last about 3 minutes before he heads in there.

    Her room is very close to ours & she gets so loud that even closed doors to not drown out her screams.

    He is just making me feel like I am hurting the both of them over something silly. & that makes me angry! I do not feel like I am being unreasonable at all & he thinks I am. He wants to take it 1 night at a time & if we go by his schedule, ashe will be in here forever & I am soooo tired! I guess he thinks that since I am a SAHM that I can just plop down & take a knap whenever I want to & we all know that is not the case!

    I will check in with you guys in the morning & let you know how things went for us tonight! If you have anymore ideas or thought PLEASE let me know!

    Kim

    (anyone have a spare room I can move into! )
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    Old 01-15-2004, 08:09 PM   #8
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    Re: I have had it with my Daughter & her Daddy!

    I gotta tell you, you would be a whole lot happier about the situation if you calmed down about how you feel about it. You and DH created the habit and now you feel "played" when she wants to sleep with you? That doesnt make any sense to me. I am not trying to come off as harsh, I just dont understand all of your anger towards a 13 month old that is still very much a baby.

    I understand frustration. Mine are 11, 4, 3, and 18 months so I have had more than my fair share of exhaustion. I have been upset by the situation but never once can I say I have "Had it" with them. I gave up having a solid nights sleep a long time ago so sorry to say, I just plop down and take a nap when the kids do. Sometimes its the only way to get any rest.

    Do you have a bedtime ritual? I stay in with my kids and sing to them until they are asleep. I then take them back to bed if they come into our room. If the little one cries in his crib, I go in and sing again. After about a week of the same thing happening and them knowing that they arent going to get out, they stop. By not going into her room, you could miss out on a great opportunity to make her feel secure and loved.

    I will close this but I have to say that I agree with your DH on the aspect that I think you are being unreasonable with a child of her age
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    Last edited by Mommyof4; 01-15-2004 at 08:10 PM.

     
    Old 01-16-2004, 05:19 AM   #9
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    Re: I have had it with my Daughter & her Daddy!

    You are probably roght Mindy. I actually have "had it" woth DH in this situation. I do not expect to get her out of my bed overnight (even though it may sound that way), but I want to start working on her sleeping in her own bed. I originally wanted to start by letting her wake up in the middle of the night and letting her cry & see if she would be able to go back to sleep on her own.( like 20 minutes or so) He won't even give her chance to try that. I am not a fan of the idea of letting her get so worked up & upset that she gets uncontrolable.

    It is my fault that she is in our bed & I do realize that & I wish I would have never started this whole thing. There are times that I do lay down & rest when she does during the day, but she is a power napper & only sleeps for about 15 minutes at a time does this about 3 times a day & I just get comfy when she wakes up.

    Last night when she woke up I went in there & layed her down & started singing to her & that just ****** her off even more. She jumped up and grabbed the side of her crib and was trying to crawl out of it. I picked her up & stayed in her room & rocked & sang to her & she did go back to sleep and as soon as I layed her down she woke up crying again. I tried the same thing & it failed a 2nd time. So back to my bed we went. As soon as we layed down she snuggled up next to me and jabbered to me for a few & then she reached over & started to play with her Daddy's hair & then she fell back asleep.

    I do not think you were too harsh at all with your reply. I want some good 'ol honest suggestions here. I really try to not be "one sided" about issues & honesty does help me to realize that I do need to look at other options.

    When I first brought her to my room, I did think about it becoming a habbit, but I just thought that since she stayed in our room for 7 months & then went to her own room without a so much as a peep out of her, that it was not going to be problem. Boy was I ever wrong. & I never thought that DH would enjoy her being in here with us like he has.

    She is just a baby & I do realize that & I want her to allways feel safe & secure. I just can't figure out if she wakes up and is scared or just ****** that she is not in here with us. How can I tell the difference? She loves her room and we spend a lot of time during the day in there playing. She played in there last night for over an hour by herself while I was in the kitchen getting dinner ready. So I do not know what the issue is. I think I need a baby translater!

    I am begining to think that we just need to upgrade our bed from a queen to a king & then maybe it would not be soo bad. She is not going to do anything but get bigger & get stronger. & She has shown no sign of letting up on the kicking & hitting in her sleep. I actuall woke up at 4:15 this morning & she was actually doing a backbend over my legs & she was sound asleep. She had her head on the matress behind my legs & her feet were on the matress in front of my legs. How does she manage this????

    I will keep think of things we can do to make the situation a little easier on evryone.
    Thanks for the help & suggestions!

    Kim

    BTW, she takes knaps in her room everyday without a problem. If that helps?!
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    Old 01-16-2004, 06:51 AM   #10
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    Re: I have had it with my Daughter & her Daddy!

    I totally see where you are coming from. My oldest sleeps like she is in the bed alone even when she was with us. We called her our "bed hog". It was a nightmare. It got to the point where it wasnt about comfort so much as it was about safety

    I agree with CIO to a point. I would let my kids do this when I KNEW it was a power struggle. Mine dont give me the problem at bedtime now so much as at naptime. I would go in and check every so often, lay them back down, and then go out. They cried but eventually calmed down. I agree that sometimes being in there with them can only serve to make them madder.

    I know about being mad at DH's... Mine sounds like yours in the sense that he doesnt know what it's like to be here all day. He can think I am being harsh on the kids but he doesnt see that a punishment has been building all day long.

    Again, I apologize about how I came across. A mother of one can be just as stressed out as a mother of 4 because it all depends on what the child throws at you on any given day.
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    Old 01-16-2004, 07:30 AM   #11
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    Re: I have had it with my Daughter & her Daddy!

    good morning everyone!
    VICTORY last night!!!!!!! the boy only got up 3, count 'em, 3 times!!!!! he tried every excuse the first 2 times. what i did differently was, after dinner and a bath, we went and read goodnight moon (for the millionth time) and a chapter of the complete adventures of winnie the pooh, then i told him it was time to go to sleep in his bed like a big boy. well, he laid down, patted the covers and said sit, mama. tell me story. so for 10 minutes told him about the day he was born, told him good night and if he got up again, he would get a butt poppin'! worked like a charm. didn't hear a peep out of him until this morning around 8:30 (that's a whole other story since i overslept). he didn't even come in my bed in the middle of the night! he got up happy and rearing to go. such a pleasant change. we'll see if it continues.. i am not naive enought to think this is permannt.

     
    Old 01-16-2004, 07:36 AM   #12
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    Re: I have had it with my Daughter & her Daddy!

    WOO HOO FOR YOU!

    Riley's bedtime is about 9:00-9:30, I will expect you then. You can come a little earlier for supper though if you want!
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    Last edited by Ksavage; 01-16-2004 at 07:37 AM.

     
    Old 01-16-2004, 07:50 AM   #13
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    Re: I have had it with my Daughter & her Daddy!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ksavage
    she is a power napper & only sleeps for about 15 minutes at a time does this about 3 times a day

    BTW, she takes knaps in her room everyday without a problem. If that helps?!
    Ok, now we are getting somewhere. Her "sleep" needs to be retrained. At her age maybe she needs to take only one nap a day. I would try that.

    If my youngest feel asleep twice in a day that would set her bedtime to midnight!
    She just couldn't fall asleep.
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    Old 01-16-2004, 08:06 AM   #14
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    Re: I have had it with my Daughter & her Daddy!

    okay. but if i fly out to OKC, i'll need to call my husband's family in tulsa and have them drive down. hahaha! we could let the kids play.....maybe that would wear em out. besides, i'd like ross to get some girlfriends his age! he has one at church who is 8! he loves his Meri!

     
    Old 01-16-2004, 08:57 AM   #15
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    Re: I have had it with my Daughter & her Daddy!

    Come 1 come ALL! She is a toughy so we could use all the help we can get!

    When it comes to her naps...I should rephrase that. When she takes 1 long nap, it is in her bed and it is usually for about an or so. On the days that she does not want to go down for a nap, she will just fall over in the floor and sleep for a few minutes & then she is up and playing again. When she falls asleep in floor, I have tried to pick her up and put her in her bed, but then she is wide awake and ready for more play. Do you really think I should not let her take her "power naps"? I never thought that could be keeping her awake at night. I do not let her sleep AT ALL after 4:00 EVER! & When is anywhere from 8:30 - 9:00 she is more than ready for nite-nite. We do have a routine & that consists of dinner, play, bath, bottle, a little more play, & then story time & then she is out. That is great until about 1:00 AM & then she has had enough of her bed & wants in with us. I can't figure out why she keeps waking up at the same time every night. Last weekend we were out until almost 11:00 PM Friday & Saturday & I thought for sure she would sleep all night & no way. I have no idea what it is with the 1 AM ritual she has set for the house.

    Let me know if you think I should keep her awake all day & see what that brings. I have a feeling it will just mean a very fussy girl for the later part of the day, but I am willing to try anything.

    Thanks a ton!

    Kim
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    Last edited by Ksavage; 01-16-2004 at 08:58 AM.

     
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