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Old 02-05-2004, 12:50 PM   #1
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: San Francisco, Ca
Posts: 68
uglynow HB User
Unhappy Opinions and/or Advice Please!

since my last post about my 15yr old sister; she has spent the night at a male friend's house with her boyfriend TWO nights in a row without permission. Has admitted to be having sex and when mom went to pick her up with the cops (the day after the first night) the boyfriend and his friend hid her and denied she was there - the cops couldn't go in to get her because they didn't have a "warrant" - great how the system works - I can't believe that my sister could be getting drugged and raped and the cop can't go in there and get her.. Anyway, Mom let her stay out till 11pm (too late for a 15 yr old in my opinion) on Fridays and Saturdays, as long as she comes home after school every day during the week in an attempt to get her to cooperate a little bit and be better. The first night she came home at 11 and the next almost midnight!
Has promised over and over she won't come home late, but doesn't abide - if mom tries to lay down the law or talk to her about why she's doing these things, sister just walks off/out of the house or throws major fit.
I spoke with her and she said she'll try to be better and come home after school and not come home late, but of course at this point I don't believe a word she says. I'm heartbroken that she's having sex already and from what I hear the house (she hangs out in) is a dump and there's never a parent around. It scares me to death to think what could happen to her there.

ANYWAY, the reason I'm asking for your opinion is this: all the friends she hangs out with unfortunately are in very unstable home situations (divorce, step-parents, no supervision, etc) and they don't want to come over to the house either (my mom has offered many times).
So, mom is thinking the best thing to do at this point is get her out of her enviroment - afraid that she's going to end up badly. We have family willing to take her for a little while. They are loving, full of activities for their kids, with very strong values, and house rules - and it would be closer to me, which makes me happy. She can spend any weekend she wants with me (I live in a great city). The problem is, this would have to be done in secret and it's really bothering me. But if we don't do it that way, she won't leave or she'll run away. Please, I'm so torn. Do I lie to her for her own good? I know in my heart this would truly be a wonderful opportunity for her, even though she won't see it that way in the beginning. But I just want to hear what impressions others may have about this idea.

Thanks in advance for any input. You guys are great.

Last edited by uglynow; 02-05-2004 at 12:55 PM.

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Old 02-08-2004, 02:22 AM   #2
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 444
Sherri-Lynne HB User
Re: Opinions and/or Advice Please!

You are indeed in a tough spot. My sister was really bad in her teenage years. She never listened to my parents she would stay out all night and then she got really heavy into drugs. Really bad drugs too. There was nothing we could do, the path she was leading she was going to end up in jail or dead. The only reason she changed her life around was because she got pregnant (she was 19). Now that is not a good thing but it was our blessing in disguise.

As for your sister if you just uproot her she will probably just run away. Especially if they are very strict, or it could be good for her. What we wished that we did was put her in boot camp. They can'y go anywhere. It could be the only option. I really wish this wasn't happening but sometimes you can't eally do anything (I mean by letting other family members watch her), I would really look into boot camp. Good Luck!!

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