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Competing Grandmas

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Old 03-04-2004, 08:09 AM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Midwest
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Ratatosk HB UserRatatosk HB User
Competing Grandmas

I wasn't sure if this should go in this thread of relationships. But here it goes. My 9 month old son was born with a bowel obstruction caused by CF and ended up in the NICU for 6 weeks. My MIL is a retired nursing instructor, as is her best friend, who also has a grandson a day younger than mine. Here's the problem...

When those two get together there's a major competition about who's gs is more advanced and it'd be kinda funny, except now my MIL is constantly making comments about how we need to work more with our child. And he's a NORMAL 9-month old who is doing normal baby things.

He doesn't like chunks in his food -- so we have to puree everything. He loves yogurt, babyfood meat.. I think this is typical picky baby behavior and eventually he'll eat stuff with chunks. He eats cookies, cherioos, crackers. Just his meals. The other issue is crawling. I don't believe, nor does our day care provider that he will ever crawl. He scoots backwards, but he prefers to stand. In fact my DS called his mom all excited 'cuz they said at day care he walks behind a little push mower, all by himself. MIL just sniffed and said -- well he SHOULD be crawling.

We tell MIL to tell her friend that if her gs was in the hospital flat on his back for over a month, he wouldn't want tummy time either. My BIL has even told her to back off -- that we're the parents. It's just gotten worse and is driving me batty. I'm starting to resent my MIL. We've been through a lot -- hunger strikes, bottle aversion, infections and she's worried about looking bad around her friend. Who by the way is a complete moron - the other night she was claiming she wrote this poem about Monkeys jumping on the bed. Errr, we HAVE that book. Hello! Oh, and the reason ds has problems isn't because he has a GENETIC disease, but she thinks he's allergic to the dog and we should get rid of the dog.

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Old 03-04-2004, 10:08 AM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Oklahoma
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Mommyof4 HB User
Re: Competing Grandmas

IMO, they are BOTH morons. The friend for being an obvious moron and MIL for trying to compete with her over just loving her grandson. I think I would tell her, in a loving way of course , that if she is going to compete with her friend, they need to compare clothes or houses. Let them compare what cars they drive but leave your son out of it. The baby has enough that he has to overcome without dealing with that kind of pressure. I say all of this only because my own MIL has moron tendencies

Crawling is not even a developmental milestone because some children never do it at all. Then you add that there are so many acceptable ways to crawl that it isn't even on the charts. My son will be two in July but stll has an aversion to textures. He chokes on things like meat so we have to watch what we feed him. You do what works for him and you.

Honestly, I think I would simply tell her that you love her and want her to have a good relationship with your son. In order to do that, she has to be a grandmother... Not a nurse.

Good luck
Mindy (Type 1 Dx'd 11/94..Insulin Pump)

Old 03-09-2004, 06:10 AM   #3
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: England / Florida
Posts: 664
MadSkillzGal HB User
Re: Competing Grandmas

I went all through this with my children, especially after I had my first. My MIL was very interfering and felt because she had had four children she was an expert. My mother on the other hand offered advice when I needed it but sometimes it was outdated advice.

After having child No.2 I realized I WAS the expert because I had now had four years of parenting skills behind me and up to date medical knowledge and I told my MIL this. Even though my children were only four years apart, medical knowledge and advice had changed during this period. So what good is advice which is over 20 years old or more?

Tell them both that child rearing is a learning curve which you want to enjoy with your partner and baby. You won't have this time again. It passes in the blink of an eye. Don't let your memories be clouded by negativity. You will regret it trust me.

Old 03-11-2004, 04:45 AM   #4
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,580
GirlHarley HB User
Re: Competing Grandmas

Ratatosk - OK...1st, my son did not crawl either...he did exactly what your 9month old son is doing..he started walking when he was 13months old..AND
he was not potty trained till he was 3..BIG Deal..when he was ready he was ready and I tuned everyone out and told them when he's ready he will be ready.......

AS for competing grandma's or your MIL (who yes you are right are morons)
this may help or at least you make get some pleasure out of it..When talking to your MIL..Mention a girlfriend of yours who was complaining to you how much "her MIL" is spoiling her new grandson, how her grandson in her eyes does not wrong, How gilfriend's MIL buys lots of toys, clothes, books, babysits, and just brags about her grandson over and over...Get it?
MAYBE, this will get your MIL to review her actions and comments with your son and you will get some peace...

Your MIL should be happy and proud she has a healthy grandson with two good parents instead of worrying what he is or isn't doing at 9months old!


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