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how to say no?

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Old 04-16-2004, 08:35 PM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 445
ABC~Mom HB User
Question how to say no?

my fiances' sister has two boys under the age of nine, she is thinking about giving up her babysitter and just letting family and friends watch them when she and her husband works....well that is a few hours (3-6) days a week and maybe even longer but she asked us if we would (free of charge) one or two days a week, well that wouldnt be so bad but i have my baby(as you guys know) and my fiance works midnights (and sleeps most of the day) and not to mention that these children are EXTREMLY hard to handle, they will seldom listen and i know i cant handle them along with my daughter who is hard enough to handle...anyway i told my fiance that if he agrees to do it then he is on his own, i kow how things go one or two days will turn into 4 or 5 and then what? (it has happened in the past) i feel sorry for her because she is paying alot out for the sitter(who hardley ever watches them anyway) but i know that my family cant do it (especially right now with the baby)
and i know my fiance does not want to do it but how can he tell her that without making a big family fued? (which happens alot over stupid little things)
i keep telling him to call her and tell her but he just puts it off (he wont say it) but i think he is afraid to do it, what can we do?

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Old 04-17-2004, 12:22 PM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,580
GirlHarley HB User
Re: how to say no?

Winnie, just say NO, you are too busy with your own child and busy during the day. She chose to be a mother and along with being a mother is finding the best care for your child. To bad so sad if that means she has to pay for a good sitter. She should have thought of that before Having Her own KIDS. But to request free babysitting from family members and if she gets ****** off about you saying NO...that is her problem not yours.

Your right too to feel that a few hours a week can turn into more hours or more days asked for. I will never understand how new mom's think that other people will watch their little darlings for free when it is their responsibility to watch their OWN children and if they Choose to work then pay for a damn sitter instead of taking the Easy route or the Advantage of family members or friends...Yeah, ok then something should go wrong, kids get hurt,kids get dirty, kids get sick, kids will pick up a nasty habit, or house will become a mess, who will pay for the food & drink during these free babysittings? or she may not like how your Free Babysitting structure at hom life is who do you think will get blamed should anything like this happen to her little darlings...Then who will get mad?

What you do with your free time is your business and you don't need to explain yourself to your sister in law or feel any guilt to babysit for free.

Enjoy YOUR time with Your own child because YOU ARE TOO BUSY!

Old 04-17-2004, 02:10 PM   #3
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 445
ABC~Mom HB User
Re: how to say no?

thanks girl harley i know i feel the same way about my time and i know they are looking at it like i have all this time on my hands (which sometimes is true) but i enjoy spending it with my daughter
and his sister is actually older than he is (he is 19 she is 24)
i just talked to him about it again and he said that he is not going to do it , that it is not the way he wants to spend his summer (which may sound mean but these boys are difficult by every definantion of the word!)
and yes she did have the children so it is up to her to deal with this....not us
thank you

Old 04-17-2004, 07:31 PM   #4
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 445
ABC~Mom HB User
Re: how to say no?

he ended up saying yes to ONE day a week and only at her house, not ours....
i am really unhappy about this....he is to soft, but i told him he is on his own, so when he has to drag out of bed and watch them it is his butt not mine, cause i am not doing!
even after the big " she is not taking advantage of me anymore" speach he still said yes to one day a week....
oh well

Old 04-27-2004, 10:56 AM   #5
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 45
sandrae HB User
Re: how to say no?

It will be OK. He will see how hard it is. Try not to let this stress out your marriage too much right now. If after he sees how hard it is he can maybe say something like," I thought that this might be easy but i am finding that I just can't handle it." Then maybe look at some ads in the paper and if you want to feel better, help her to find someone else. (You certainly don't have to but only if you want to). In the end, you'll probably have to say "no" because of the stress and don't cave in. Just say, "I'm really sorry, I wish that could help but I just am unable to right now. I would not be able to give your child the attention he/she needs and so it wouldn't be fair to your child as well."

Old 04-28-2004, 08:09 AM   #6
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: MA
Posts: 522
TeTr01 HB User
Re: how to say no?

In this situation, the family memeber needs to realize that it's not really FAIR to ask for their children to be watched free of charge. There is a lot that goes into watching children, as she should know since she is a mother, & that would be on top of your own children. Just tell her that you can't do it for free. There is no way around it, you have to tell her & if you don't want to do it at all, just say no. My BF's gram watches our daughter (she's 2.5) for us while we work all day - but I tell you, it's not free at all & I would NEVER expect that! We pay her $300/month. Some ppl think that is a lot, but I don't think so at all, considering that she does everything for her. She provides food & drinks for her, bathes her, washes her clothes when she gets dirty or has an accident, makes sure she gets a nap, takes her out sometimes & buys her lil things, has bought toys & books for her to have over there so I didn't have to bring all of the ones from my house over & on top of that she watches her 40 + a week (often times she calls to tell me it's ok to work OT, wich is good b/c it's extra $$ ), plus I know that she is in good hands & she learns a lot from her - she doesn't allow her to just sit around all day watching TV. She takes her out when it's nice out & they go for walks & all kinds of things.

But anyway, I just went way off... you just need to say no to her if you don't want to do it. It's not fair for her to expect you to just do it b/c you are a family member & for free non the less. I would never even think to ask someone that.

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