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Old 05-03-2004, 07:59 PM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 96
nova44 HB User

I really need to get my anger out!! We never really saw MIL until we had a baby. Sometimes she never even called. Well, Saturday she goes to BIL's house (right next door) and we come to visit her without the baby. (my mom watched him overnight for the first time). She said HAPPY BIRTHDAY... where's the baby?' and we told her (btw, DH's bday was Friday and his brothers was that day.. a day apart and yet she forgets DH's). Well DH told her my mom is watching him and she walks into the kitchen almost in tears and then runs back with DH's card and yells 'Well when am I going to get to watch him?!' and DH yells back 'MOM! Don't be rude!' She said the baby will never get to know her (she's seen him about 3 times but that's her own fault and she was in Florida for the first two months). Then DH and I explained we never see her anymore anyways and that she treats BIL's first kid Isaac better than their other son Owen and our son Koby. She said she can't help that.. he's the firstborn so he's the favorite.. she said she hopes to love Koby more if she could see him more. That made me SO mad! We told her that's not right and she said she can't help it and that's the way she is. That those kids love her and BIL and SIL 'need' her. She also said stuff about me being with my mom all the time and that I should be at home all day...grrr. She said she's always had a favorite (DH's brother) and that her and FIL would fight about her always having a favorite. Well I told her if she's going to be like that then she doesn't need to see Koby if she has favorites. So she's not aloud to see him. Well, today she calls and wonders if we can bring the baby down since her friend is going to visit and she wants her to see him. DH calls back and tells her 'I told you'. So she gets upset and cries and then calls BIL (she did this before.. crying to him because we didn't want pictures done) So BIL calls DH and yells at him and DH is all upset. BIL tells her that I don't need to be with my mom all day, telling him that he should leave me and that he could get the baby etc etc! So now DH and BIL are fighting.. and they're right next door!! So I tell DH to call FIL so he'll know what's going on before BIL gets to him but guess what?!?!?! MIL CALLED HIM ALREADY!!! Cries to him that she should move back with her friend to a different state because she doesnt do anything right (she wants attention) and that she's not aloud to see Koby. Well DH explains that she admits she they fought over she saying Issac is her favorite and then also said 'your father and I would always fight because your brother was my favorite' etc etc... he said we should COACH her on how to act and when shes picking favorites!! I DON'T THINK SO!! Anyway, he said BIL said to him that they hardly see the baby either.. umm we live right next door.. we see them almost every day and visit! Well.. now we just need a fence.. and I really have no idea why my mom kept being brought up. Yes.. me and my mom are like best friends.. what's wrong with that?!? BIL just used DH's truck yesterday and got into a HUGE accident.. this is not the time to be getting mad at him.

Kristy & Koby

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Old 05-07-2004, 08:04 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,046
Mommyof4 HB User

So many people in this situation are getting involved in things that are not their business. MIL telling you how to be a mother is not her business, BIL calling DH about the fight that you two had with MIL is not his business, you and DH calling FIL when it was not his business. There don't seem to be many boundaries set here.

I would explain to MIL that she is welcome anytime to come to your house but that you will not play the "favorite game" it is not only stupid, it is unfair and hurtful to others. I would not take the baby to her with her being like that and would actually limit contact all together.

I would explain to BIL that what goes on between you or DH and MIL is between the parties involved. She is a grown woman and it is not his business at all.

Then I would stop calling people to get their opinions on a situation. You two are both adults and now parents. You have to decide the rules of your home and how you will parent on your own. No one else gets a say.

If DH does not have a problem with your relationship with your mother then I would ignore it and chaulk it up to jealousy. If DH does have a problem with it, then I would give that my utmost attention. Good luck
Mindy (Type 1 Dx'd 11/94..Insulin Pump)

Old 05-08-2004, 09:33 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Blackstone VA
Posts: 525
sherry47 HB User

Wow, I have to agree with the poster that said you need to set some boundaries. My mom and I are also very close. She is my best friend. My husbands family is a lot like your husbands from the way you described them. They do the same thing. They used to call my house all the time trying to get us on one side or the other of an argument. I just had to let them know I would not be involved in this juvenile behavior. My family is NOT like that. I was so shocked that a family could act this way. Once they understood that I would not be a part of this junior high behavior, they stopped trying to get us involved in their juvenile behavior. I do agree that your MIL has some serious issues. I would not let her be a part of my childs life is she continued with this "favorite" thing. It will do nothing put hurt your child. You do not want that for your child. It is something that will plague them for the rest of their life. Your child will always feel like he is being compared to someone else. Children have enough problems this day and age without having to know their own grandmother chooses another grandchild over them. Some people have no business with children and it sounds like your MIL is one of them. She should have stuck to pets if she wanted to choose favorites.

Good Luck. I would pray about this situation and let God lead you in your decisions. Cutting someone out of your life is never easy, but you have to think about whats best for your son.

God Bless,
Spinal Fusion with cages, Cluster Headaches, Depression, Arthritis, Adhesions, Alt. Digestive Tract

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