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I need a parents perspective

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Old 05-23-2004, 02:46 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 393
emily_1990 HB User
I need a parents perspective


I'm not a parent myself (I'm only 14) but a lot of the time I feel like it. I had to grow up fast because I grew up in a home where my dad and older half brother were abusive and my parents argued permanently so I had to get used to doing things for myself.

When my little brother was born (he's 7 now) I often found myself getting him dressed in the morning because my parents would be arguing or bathing him or putting him to bed. Then my parents got a divorce 2 years ago. He's more grown up now though he was sorta a late developer.

I live with my dad and he just seems to have no sense of responsibility. My little brother will still be awake and messing around with his action men at 11:30 at night and my dad will just be sitting in the next room. Or my little brother screams all the time and he just doesn't say anything. He even swears and gets away with it. I feel really mean because I'm the one that ends up having to tell him to go to sleep or not to say that, or teach him table manners etc. Then my dad just shouts at me for being 'bossy'.

My little brother gets into trouble at school for bullying and since I've been seeing my mum again we have worked on that together, my mum while he's at hers, me while he's at my dad's, by talking his day through with him, what's made him angry and other ways to cope with it but my dad will just say 'oh its just a stage'

It does my head in because he goes and tells my mum about how late he's 'allowed' to stay up and when he swears and gets into trouble its 'but daddy lets me say that' and I dunno why but I end up defending my dad to her. I just wondered, am I just over reacting? Is it just a stage that I should leave my little brother alone through? Am I just being 'bossy'?

Sorry it was long, but I really am going out of my mind over it. I feel like I'm having to be a parent to him all the time

Any replies would be helpful

Love Emily x

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Old 05-23-2004, 08:27 PM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,046
Mommyof4 HB User
Re: I need a parents perspective

From what you have said, there is abuse going on all the way around and you are one of the one's being abused. You didn't mention why you don't live with your mom so it's hard to give the best advice without knowing.

You are being put in an awful predicament by both of your parents. It would be natural for you to defend your father to your mother or vice versa because they are your parents and you love them both. NEITHER parent should bad mouth the other in the presence of their children.

What is going on goes beyond emotional abuse and also falls into the lines of neglect. I would go to the school counselor and see if she can recommend someone to see privately. Then I would talk to both parents about how you want to talk to someone outside of the family about your emotions. You and your brother went through the divorce and all that has happened right along with your parents so it is only natural that you are dealing with issues now.

It is not right for your parents to put you in charge of your brother. Most 14 year olds are just learning how to be in control of themselves. A counselor can give your parents suggestions on how to help the situation without telling them what you have said. Good luck
Mindy (Type 1 Dx'd 11/94..Insulin Pump)

Old 05-24-2004, 06:17 AM   #3
no patience
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: massachusetts
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no patience HB User
Re: I need a parents perspective

wow i'm a parent and you are being put in an awful situation you are 14 and don't need the added stress of all that you do don't get me wrong you are a great person for doing what your doing but you're 14 and should be doing what 14 year olds do you definitly need a councelor to step in on this your dad knows you are gonna take care of everything and is not gonna change until you put your foot down i know some parents need help and want there kids to take on responsibility but this is beyond that keep us posted ok you need a break this is to much for you to handle on your own your gonna go crazy my heart goes out to you this really must be a tough situation but you need time to be a teenager i just want to commend you for doing what you are doing alot of teenagers would not be as dedicated as you hang in there and again i know it sounds tough but you need to put your foot down hugs to you kelleigh

Last edited by no patience; 05-24-2004 at 06:18 AM.

Old 05-26-2004, 06:51 AM   #4
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: blackpool,england
Posts: 17
ukchick HB User
Re: I need a parents perspective

WOW! you are the same age as me and your message makes me feel so guilty because i live a normal 14 year olds life and you are being tortured and ait just isnt fair all i can sey is i hope things get better for you
lots of love and xxx's
looch X

Old 06-12-2004, 06:35 AM   #5
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 17
tlorenet HB User
Re: I need a parents perspective

You really do need to talk to your school counselor or to a church decon. You should be enjoying your teenage years while you can, because soon enough you will have grown up responsibilities. I admire all that you do, you are a strong, remarkable girl. I don't know the situation with your mom, but don't quite understand why you were left with an abusive dad. Family counseling would really help, but if you can't get your parents to go at least find someone that you can talk to. That would be better than keeping it bottled up. Hope everything gets better for you. Please (speaking from experience) enjoy your teenage can't get them back once they're gone. Please update and let us know how you are doing.

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