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I'm selfish with my baby. Is something wrong??

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Old 06-16-2004, 06:35 AM   #16
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Amy2003 HB User
Re: I'm selfish with my baby. Is something wrong??

I am not sure if i agree with all of you. When my sisters had babies i was there all the time and now i have very good relationship with them. It would have hurt me a lot if my sisters would have not allowed me to take care of them. But basic cleaniness has to be maintained with infants and feeding them just anything too is not good. I would definately trust leaving my baby with my mom and my sisters. As far as others(friends/in -laws) are concerned if they can maintain a clean place for the baby and i feel they are taking good care then i dont think i would mind leaving him for a while. I think its important to let the baby interact with other people otherwise he/she will become very introvert. Strangers touching the baby without asking is a definate no no. Thats what i feel right now but who knows what happens once i have my baby in my hands!

Last edited by Amy2003; 06-16-2004 at 06:36 AM.

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Old 06-16-2004, 07:50 AM   #17
Join Date: Jan 2004
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Angela4 HB User
Re: I'm selfish with my baby. Is something wrong??

OMG Bren, I would have freaked. How rude! What on earth was that lady doing?! It makes you think of the babies that get stolen, how scary.

I definitley don't think the babies should be kept only around the mom and dad and thats it, but as far as babysitting goes, I just can't see myself leaving my little one for very long with anyone, even my own mother. Once they get a little older then maybe, but not when they are under 6 months old. Who knows though, by the time I have the baby my views could change too, maybe I will want to get away for a couple of hours (never overnight though), though I'm sure my MIL would LOVE to have my baby stay for days on end, grrrrrrrr.
Platinum, did you say your mom could watch the baby? Or another relative? I would feel much safer personally with a relative watching my baby than someone outside the family.

Old 06-16-2004, 08:58 AM   #18
Join Date: Oct 2003
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Platinum33 HB User
Re: I'm selfish with my baby. Is something wrong??

Amy, I think you took what I was saying the wrong way. It's not that I don't trust my mom with my baby. She is the one that raised me, so I know that she will take good care of my baby girl, no doubt about it. I'm just saying that I don't WANT to leave my baby with anyone, and that's where my concern comes in...why am I being so overprotective? As for the friends of the family who offered to watch the baby, I trust a good two of them well enough to leave her with them...when she gets some age on her though. But I just don't want to. Like I was saying, I think that it's merging in from the guilt that I feel for not being able to provide for her as I wish I could.

Angela, as I said, I trust my mom to watch my baby, and if I had my way, she'd be the only person to watch her. But I have to return to school in baby will only be three months old. My mom has a full time job, so she can't watch her during the times of the day when I'm going to be in classes, but she can watch her at night while I'm at work...when I get a job of course. And I'm completely open to that. My thing is, I just don't like the idea of leaving her in a day care that early, with strangers and other little children. Now my cousin has a five month old baby girl, and I'm considering letting her watch my baby while I'm in classes. The only thing about her is that she isn't the best house keeper in the world, really not the best at all. And she also smokes, but I'm not sure whether she smokes in the house or not. I just don't want her to smoke around my baby. Not to mention, I don't know if she would be able to handle both little girls at the same time. I haven't talked to her yet, but I think I'm going to. I think that if I ask her not to smoke around my baby, she is most likely not going to do it, but there is always a slim chance, you know? But she's like my only relative, lol, well one that I know anyway.
1st Time Mommy
Baby Girl born June 4th @ 9:41pm

Old 06-16-2004, 09:07 AM   #19
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Amy2003 HB User
Re: I'm selfish with my baby. Is something wrong??

Platinum i do understand your problem. I think its more out of guilt that you are feeling this way but that is something you will have to live with if you want to be able to provide for your child being a single mom. Being overprotective is nothing wrong and i guess all parents are but sometimes the circimstances are such that you dont have any choice. I hope you are able to work through this as its only you who can!

You can always try and see if this cousin can look after your baby and if you dont like her way then look for other options. I am really sorry that i cant help in any other way but i am sure you will find a way out!

Old 06-16-2004, 09:10 AM   #20
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Angela4 HB User
Re: I'm selfish with my baby. Is something wrong??

Will you be working and going to school at the same time? Or just working after you are done with school? School by itself wouldn't be that bad, at least the class part of it. The homework can be time consuming but at least you could be with the baby then. If you are only gone for a few hours during the weekdays I don't think that's too bad. I would try not to worry about it if I were you. How many classes are you taking? If your cousin doesn't smoke in the house, that may be a good bet. Plus then your baby can be around another baby during the day, that would be nice!

Old 06-16-2004, 10:54 AM   #21
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Teresa882003 HB User
Re: I'm selfish with my baby. Is something wrong??

Platnium, try not to stress over it right now. You haven't delivered that long ago. Try to sit back and enjoy her right now. Like you said, school won't start until September. I am sure it will be hard and you will have to sacrifice things but you can go to school and work and still have a loving, wonderful, nuturing relationship with your daughter. You will be receiving child support as well, right? So maybe you won't have to work too many hours and if its at night, maybe it will be while she is sleeping and you won't miss much. And you won't have to worry about her while she is with your Mom. As far as her at daycare or babysitters, I think its normal what you feel. I know I will have to return to work after the baby is born, and I am very lucky that my Mom will be watching my baby. But there is still the guilt or leaving him and the thought of what I will miss while working, but it can't be helped. Just make the best of the time you will have. I don't think you have anything to worry about, I am sure you have already formed a bond and it will only grow stronger. Enjoy your 3 months with her now and try not to worry about things you have no control of. Have comfort in the fact that your concern shows how much you care and want whats best for the both of you. You will make the right decisions when the time comes.

Bren- I hadn't given any thought to strangers touching my baby, I know I will FREAK if/when it happens. Some people have no sence. I know I talk to babys/toddlers, but I would never dream of touching someone's child that I didn't know.

From my previous post when I talked about people holding the baby, I know I will have no problem with my Mom or Sister or my Dad etc, even some of my friends and co workers. My biggest problem will be with my husbands family, we aren't exactly close and I saw how they did with his sister's baby and I know that I will not want or allow them to pass my newborn around like a rag doll!!! But I am sure I will tick one or more of them off in the process, not that I care except for my husband being in the middle.
Kaleb 6/23/04 aftr TTC 4 yrs
miscarrd at 6 wks 5 day 12/31/04
Its a Girl 1/12/06

Old 06-16-2004, 12:19 PM   #22
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haleysmum HB User
Re: I'm selfish with my baby. Is something wrong??

Hi again I was thinking its a pity you dont have some child care facilities on campus ?????? That way then you would be nearby at all times....
Getting back to who we trust our babies with, I would definately trust my mother but she moved within a few months of me having my daughter so its not really an option for me to leave my daughter with her if I ever need a break , but I do plan on leaving her with mum for a night when I go into have this baby I definately trust my sister but she has her own hands full, like I already mentioned she has a 14 month old and also works.....The reason I wouldnt leave her when my FIL offered to watch her is because I have distrust of men in general ( whole other topic ) I will never ever leave my daughter with any male (family or not !) Except my partner of course He watches her for a couple of hours every couple of weeks so I can get out for a while on my own ! The reason I am lucky enough to stay at home platinum is that I have a partner who works and can afford to support us THANK GOD ! I dont know your personal situation but do you still speak to the babies daddy ? Could he help out with looking after your baby occasionally while your at school ? I know its a tough call about deciding wether to put off studying I guess what you have to weigh up is how much you want to be there for your babies first couple of years or how much you will REALLY need your education as in getting a job etc....If your mum is there for you and would sit for you at night for you to get part time work maybe its an option you do need to consider if you just cant bare the thought of leaving your baby?????

Old 06-16-2004, 06:45 PM   #23
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Belkin HB User
Re: I'm selfish with my baby. Is something wrong??

When out in public with babies, drape a light weight receiving blanket over the carrier. This will keep people from being tempted and will keep germs from falling on the baby. The blanket will be loose all around allowing for fresh air.

When eating in resturants, choose a table in corner and be sure and sit in the corner chair far away from waitress hands or others.

When you notice strangers hands moving in direction of the baby, tell them immediately not to touch. I personally admire babies from a far distance, just in case I might be harboring germs I am not aware of. Wish others would do the same.

Old 06-22-2004, 09:11 PM   #24
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Brooke~Lynn HB User
Re: I'm selfish with my baby. Is something wrong??

hi platinium, i just want to say, i am 19 and just had my first baby (a girl) last october and she is now nearly 9 months, but i was the same way i wouldnt let ppl touch or hold my baby, i wouldnt let ppl watch her and i even stopped letting ppl in my house! i really lost my mind, i found out i had OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) i have been in therpy and on meds as well to help with the anziety, and i strogly recomend that you talk to you doctor about your anziety right now, you may feel much better if you could take something (as i do) i am on a VERY low dose of paxil cr and it really really really helps me deal with the anziety and makes me a better mother all around.
and about the grems...i sanitized everything like crazy, well my baby didnt get sick but now her imune system is not built up like it should be and she gets every little cold and bug there is out there.....try to remeber that babies NEED germs to be srtong, and when you start freaking out just try to tell yourself that! you are lucky to have you baby in the summer, i had mine right before winter in the midst of that terrible flu epidemic going around and babies dying, i was scared to death! but really consider talking to your doc, ohh and just so ya know paxil IS considered SAFE for a breastfeeding mother to take
ok now about going back to school...GO GO GO GO GO !!!!!!!!
there are GOOD babysitters out there and you will find out, dont miss out on going to school right now, like i am
dont get me wrong, i love being here with my daughter, but it is hard knowing that i only have a high school diploma which may get me a real good job at the local grogery store making pennies an hour (luckly i have a wonderful fiance (the babys dad) with a great job to support us all)......STAY IN SCHOOL GIRL!!!!
you dont want to have to depend on your parents or anyone for that matter.....
and plus you will be so glad you will have the money to take your little girl shopping for new school clothes when she goes!

so if you read nothing else just know these three things

2. ASK YOUR DOCTOR FOR SOME ANZIETY MEDICATION (and i mean that in the nicest way )

and good luck to you, i hope it all works out.

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