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how to explain to kids on dating outside my race

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Old 07-17-2004, 09:19 PM   #1
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lonelyangel HB User
how to explain to kids on dating outside my race

I am recently divorced and am dating a black guy. I am white. My problem is I have 3 boys 18 13 and 4. My two older boys understand and ar kind of okay with it, but my 4 yr old does not understand why my bf is not the same color as we are. Im not sure how to go about explaining it as I have tryed. If anyone has any suggestions I would really appreciate your input. Thanks lonelyangel

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Old 07-18-2004, 05:52 AM   #2
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: NY, USA
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TerryB HB User
Re: how to explain to kids on dating outside my race

The four year old could be really adaptable about the whole thing. I would explain it just as another variation among humans. A four year old can probably understand that it is what is inside that is important. This is a real good lesson to learn anyway. We have one rule for our kids when it comes to friendship. If the child is nice, you consider that child a friend and that person has our respect. Closer friends often share common interests but physical appearance has no ranking in the friendship criteria. If this guy is a great guy and treats you well then you are being a great role model. Remember that your boys will be looking at this man as a role model for them and how they are suppose to treat women.


Old 07-19-2004, 04:40 AM   #3
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MandyAnne26 HB User
Re: how to explain to kids on dating outside my race

There are a few ways to explain it to him. You can explain it to him by comparing us to other animals...not all cats, dogs etc look the same. You can explain to him that people look differnetly because of where there ansesters come from (black people are darker because traditionaly they spent most of their time in the hot sun, unlike white people who traditionaly lived in colder, less sunny climates). People from different parts of the world look differently. Let him know that everybody is the same inside and everybody feels the same, it's just that some people look differently than he does, and there is nothing wrong with that. Explain to him that the world would look silly if everybody looked exactly the same. Could his color be covering up for your son just being uncomfortable dating someone other than his father?

Old 07-20-2004, 05:17 AM   #4
Join Date: Apr 2004
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stixx HB User
Re: how to explain to kids on dating outside my race

heh, i dropped into this forum and find a post that hits close to home

Im engaged to a black women that ive been dating for 9 yrs, and as our wedding date comes closer i find myself thinking about this kind of issue, and what ill eventually have to explain to our kids

My father was not happy about who i was dating, telling me that i needed to stay in my race and breed scottish blood.........this got me thinking

my attitude was that were all the same race and that skin color is irrelevant in terms of evaluating who positve and supportive people are. and that thoose are the kind of people you need to have as your friends and in your life.

its not speech or a line that ive thought of to tell my kid, just more of a concept that id want them to grasp

Good responses from tery and mandy too

i think your family has some influence on this as well, of course as does his.....

being in an interracial realtionship i think that youve got a great opportunity to really bring your kids up with an open mind and without the basic and simple prejudices that we all have

stay with them and provide a good example, a loving parent, and they'll get the message and see the bigger picture

Old 07-26-2004, 08:32 AM   #5
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Magpiezoe HB User
Re: how to explain to kids on dating outside my race

Hello, The same thing happened to one of my friends. She married a black man, and she's white. What he did was he sat down with her son...Then he asked him to put out his hand face up...Then he put his next to the boy's face up and said, "Same color palms, same color blood ."

Old 07-26-2004, 01:01 PM   #6
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 858
madhatter HB User
Re: how to explain to kids on dating outside my race

Just tell the kids he has a good tan![just kidding] Just tell the truth! Theres coyboys and theres indians,not all cowboys are good,not all indians are bad.When a man meets a woman[visa versa] its the person that attracts[looks help to] explaining it should be easy,explaining why other peaple are so shallow,is going to be the challenge,once they get to know him,and he's nice,hopefully they won't see a black man,they'll see a man who there mother loves very much!

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