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The Very Terrible Twos.

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Old 09-15-2004, 12:37 AM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: illinois
Posts: 65
kalebnzekesmum HB User
The Very Terrible Twos.

Hello everyone.
I have a 2 1/2 year old boy. Now, I know they call them the 'terrible two's' for a reason, but I am starting to think the he is out of control, and I'm worried to death that he's going to be come one of those 'out of control teens'. He has become very destructive. He is also very mean. He hits, bites, kicks, throws things, stomps on stuff, and pinches. Our disciplining tactics have stopped working. We have tried everything from time-out to spanking and he is not responding at all. He is very mean to his little brother who is 10 months old. He is very mean to me, and will not listen to his father at all anymore either. I thought maybe taking him out where he could have interaction with other kids would help him but so far it seems to be making the problem worse. 2x a week I take him to the park and 2x a week we go on a walk to the neighbors house so he can play with their little boy. I am almost at my wits end. Sometimes I want to cry because I don't know what to do with him. I just want to raise a polite and sweet little boy, and he's a total terror. I can't even take him shopping with me anymore because he screams and stomps on stuff, throws stuff, hits other people in the store and climbs out of the cart. There are times where he is very sweet and polite, but they are few and far between.
Does anyone have any idea how to help me?
We've also been struggling with bedtime too. Right now he won't go to sleep until around 4am.
I would appreciate any help you all can give me.

Last edited by kalebnzekesmum; 09-15-2004 at 12:37 AM.

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Old 09-15-2004, 04:13 AM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: midwest US
Posts: 167
moni1 HB User
Re: The Very Terrible Twos.

Have you talked to his pediatrician about this? Maybe he/she has some advice or perhaps will ask you to see a "specialist" who can be of help.
Hang in there and good luck.
Eve 10/23/01
Babe #2 c-section 11/06

Old 09-15-2004, 05:40 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
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MandyAnne26 HB User
Re: The Very Terrible Twos.

how consistant are you with decipline, he needs to be punished each and every time without exception with he does one of the offending behaviours. Also, how long are you giving the punishments to work, it may take a few weeks for it to kick in. for the next month, consistantly put him in time out when he missbehaves, if your at the park or a friends house leave immediatly, no chances, ask once, if he doesn't stop then leave, if your at the grocery store or park leave, it sounds like a pain for you, but it will work. No treats etc if he acts up, give him nothing but his regular meals and snacks, no extra's. Take away something he values. At 2 1/2 it's hard to say what he will understand, but time outs and having to leave the park or a friends house he will understand. Explain to him why it's wrong to hurt people (2 year olds don't understand that their actions hurts someone else, they are still very self centered). If he gets away with it even once he will always do it, getting away with it just reinforces the bad behaviour. In the begining it will probably seem as if he's always in time out and you may feel guilty, but don't, it's for the best and once he catches on that it's not ok to hurt others (or whatever other bad behaviour he is doing) he will start to improve.
A few things to watch out for is that if you try to fix all of his problems at once it will be too much, make a list of what behaviours you would like him to stop and work on 1 or 2 of them at a time (ie, start with the worst ones first, hurting others), that doesn't mean you let anything slide, it just means you use other tactics, distration, removal from the situation etc rather than time out. The time out spot should be a quiet spot (careful if you are using his room, some kids will start to associate their rooms with being punished and not want to go to bed etc) with little or no distraction, there should be no discussion about time out, tell him what he did wrong and that he's having a time out, thats it, no other conversation, sit him ina chair in the corner and leave him there for a min or two (too long and he'll forget why he's there) and then say something like are you ready to be nice etc....if he's still angry he's not ready to get out, wait another 30seconds or so and try again.
Some things to keep an eye on are sleep, i know with my kids if they didn't sleep well the night before they are unmanagable the next day, (esp at 2) so he may need a nap rather than a time out, also, my kids got very irratable if they didn't eat much and are hungry, my son used to be like night and day at that age if he missed a snack or didn't eat much at a meal time.
The key is consistancy with when and what he is punished for, the actual punishment and all parents and caregivers need to be on the same page.
If you have done all of this and it hasn't worked than i would suggest taking him to see a doctor just to make sure there isn't something else going on with him.

Old 09-19-2004, 10:26 PM   #4
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 517
jenn.e HB User
Re: The Very Terrible Twos.

Hi there, I thought I was reading about my 2 year old! lol He is the same and also gets worse when he is around other children. We recently got a kitten and he tried to kill it many times (suffocating,strangling,poisoning). we had to give the kitty away and that very same day I found out that i was pregnant and I broke down crying thinking that our baby won't be safe around him. He saw me cry and broke down himself crying and wiping my tears. It made me realize that he is a good little boy inside. We have also tried time outs , nose on the wall, spankings and all and it seems to make him want to behave more badly. My sister took classes because she is a foster parent and gives me advice. We make sure that the punishment is always the same for what ever he did but sometimes we throw in something new. The other day he pooped in the potty and took it to his room to play with. I was calm with him and gave him a timeout and a talking to but then it happened the next day too. We took all of his toys away and locked them up in the closet. He really didnt act like he cared but he hasnt done it since. Anyway I could go on and on. I guess Im not much help for anyone but I couldnt hep but respond. Good Luck and try to remeber that he/she wont remember any of this and it is a phase (hopefully). God must think that there is something special about you to give you such a busy and challenging child.

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