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  • Meanagers....Will We Survive????

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    Old 04-04-2005, 12:49 PM   #76
    lisa24
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    Re: Meanagers....Will We Survive????

    Goody, how nice you can take advantage of a negative (not working & back problems) and find a positive - being able to work on some writing.

    I remember a while back when I was 'soul searching' or trying to figure myself out, I found inspiration in a story I came across. This was a while back, so I DON't remeber the details well. But as best as my memory serves me, it was something about a lady who was badly injured.
    I want to say she couldn't walk or something extreme anymore, and what ever she did her whole life it involved being able to walk.
    So she could no longer do any of things she had spent her whole life knowing how to do.
    So she decided to 'make do' with what she could. As she still has use of her hands, she decided to become a writer.

    I could have that all wrong, but it's to the basic effect.
    The point being focus on what you DO still have, and use it to your advantage.
    At the time I found a LOT of inspiration (ok so my version isn't inspiring, but had you read the actual story, it would have made sense)
    It really turned my mind around alot at the time. Taught me to focus on the simplest things that I do have and work with it from there.

    Oh, if I only could find that inspiration again.
    Anyway, hope that your 'being able to spend time writing' makes going thru the back pain 'worth it'.

     
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    Old 04-04-2005, 12:55 PM   #77
    goody2shuz
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    Re: Meanagers....Will We Survive????

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lisa24
    Goody, how nice you can take advantage of a negative (not working & back problems) and find a positive - being able to work on some writing.

    Oh, if I only could find that inspiration again.
    Anyway, hope that your 'being able to spend time writing' makes going thru the back pain 'worth it'.
    Thanks, Lisa, for your post and your insight. That's what Goody always tries to do and perhaps you will be inspired to do the same....for in every bad situation there is opportunity to create good. I think you're almost there, my friend.......you may not know it but Goody does .....Goody

     
    Old 04-04-2005, 01:55 PM   #78
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    Re: Meanagers....Will We Survive????

    Hi Goody,

    I think just every parent goes through the unsettling experience of having their kids suddenly view them as jailers/enemies rather than their adored and cherished heroes. Anyone who can provide insight along with a sense of humor about how to get through these years would certainly have a huge audience! I hope that your daughters are starting to come around and realize they've actually got a pretty good mom, as I am finally starting to acknowledge after many years of stubborn impassioned denial. I would suggest reading Reviving Ophelia to get a better sense of all the pressures and changes your teenage daughters are encountering...it's a tough and different environment today than it's ever been for kids in the past and they are forced to adopt a lot more responsibility, achieve a lot more, and grow up much faster than previous generations.

     
    Old 04-04-2005, 06:34 PM   #79
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    Re: Meanagers....Will We Survive????

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Snails
    Hi Goody,

    I think just every parent goes through the unsettling experience of having their kids suddenly view them as jailers/enemies rather than their adored and cherished heroes. Anyone who can provide insight along with a sense of humor about how to get through these years would certainly have a huge audience! I hope that your daughters are starting to come around and realize they've actually got a pretty good mom, as I am finally starting to acknowledge after many years of stubborn impassioned denial. I would suggest reading Reviving Ophelia to get a better sense of all the pressures and changes your teenage daughters are encountering...it's a tough and different environment today than it's ever been for kids in the past and they are forced to adopt a lot more responsibility, achieve a lot more, and grow up much faster than previous generations.
    When I resurrected this thread I was able to reread alot of the advice offered and must say, Stacy, that yours is something that I will hold onto for quite a while. It comforts me just knowing that you have mentioned that I remind you so much of your own mom & that must mean that I have so much to look forward to in terms of how my relationship with my daughters will be I'm hoping that they will turn out to be as strong, loving, confident, and responsible as you are.

    Thanks for the wonderful advice.....Goody

     
    Old 04-04-2005, 06:56 PM   #80
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    Re: Meanagers....Will We Survive????

    Wow, Goody, when I first saw this thread, I thought it was a current one and I got horrified I am so happy it was from 2004 and hopefully your problems are now resolved. I didn't have time to read through the entire thread, but boy, kids have changed from the times I was one, that's for sure. I would NEVER EVER dare to call my Mom any names, and she actually WAS an abusive mother. Most of the kids I grew up with would not disrespect their parents like that. I really think this general trend in our society to not respect our elders, teachers, and authority in general has become a dangerous thing. Your daughters don't even realize what wonderful parents they have! I'm sorry to say this but from the way you described them in 2004, they sounded like spoiled brats and you were probably way too lenient with them. Gosh, Goody, I hope everything turned out OK. I mean, my Mother beat me almost every day when I was a kid, and when I was a teenager, she called me the same names your daughter called you, and I was hurt and mad as hell, but I would have never reciprocated with the same behavior bacause we were taught that Parents are to be respected and that you don't bite the hand that feeds you. A part of me is so scared to have children for this reason. I feel like we have become such a rotten society and I don't want my kids to be influenced by some anarchist type peers at school.

     
    Old 04-05-2005, 01:45 AM   #81
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    Re: Meanagers....Will We Survive????

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    Wow, Goody, when I first saw this thread, I thought it was a current one and I got horrified I am so happy it was from 2004 and hopefully your problems are now resolved. I didn't have time to read through the entire thread, but boy, kids have changed from the times I was one, that's for sure. I would NEVER EVER dare to call my Mom any names, and she actually WAS an abusive mother. Most of the kids I grew up with would not disrespect their parents like that. I really think this general trend in our society to not respect our elders, teachers, and authority in general has become a dangerous thing. Your daughters don't even realize what wonderful parents they have! I'm sorry to say this but from the way you described them in 2004, they sounded like spoiled brats and you were probably way too lenient with them. Gosh, Goody, I hope everything turned out OK. I mean, my Mother beat me almost every day when I was a kid, and when I was a teenager, she called me the same names your daughter called you, and I was hurt and mad as hell, but I would have never reciprocated with the same behavior bacause we were taught that Parents are to be respected and that you don't bite the hand that feeds you. A part of me is so scared to have children for this reason. I feel like we have become such a rotten society and I don't want my kids to be influenced by some anarchist type peers at school.
    Sophia, what a heart-breaking story! I am so sorry you had to face such difficult and terrible obstacles at such a young age, before you were properly equipped and prepared to stand up for yourself and resist poor, unfair treatment. While I agree that almost all teenagers go temporarily insane as they struggle to distinguish and separate themselves from their parents' actions and beliefs, I don't think that this necessarily means that they are spoiled brats or bad kids in any way. Sophia, I do understand and mostly agree with what you are saying, but I think it's a good thing now that parents generally realize that physical discipline is an unacceptable method of educating offspring. Both of my parents have always been completely gentle and non-violent with me--I guess they spoil me but I need to be able to count on my parents and my grandmother (who raised me while my mom conquered the corporate world) for unconditional love, affection, acceptance, and support. Teenagers today are faced with nearly irresistible and impossible standards to which they are expected to strive (and succeed!) They must excel in difficult honors curriculum coursework, play sports skillfully and energetically, have a wide variety of extracurricular activities and volunteer experiences, and score remarkably well on standardized tests which cater to those rich enough to hire the most expensive, but least personal, test prep services. I give my mom all the credit in the world for working so hard to scrape her way up from NOTHING to send me to eight years of the most elite, accomplished, and prestigious schools in this nation. She gave me every opportunity to achieve my dreams, and I intend to make her proud no matter which particular career path I choose. My parents and other loving family members have always made it clear that all they want is for me to be content and at peace with my life...I would never want to disappoint them after all the love and opportunities with which my family has provided me. Now that I am feeling totally alone and abandoned without my best friend, constant companion, and the love of my life, my mom has been a wonderful source of company, companionship, and comfort . After any teenagers, particularly girls who are under more pressure but have less outlets for their frustration, leave the home, they begin to realize that their parents weren't out to ruin their lives after all . Goody, your daughters are incredibly lucky to have you as a mom, as I am incredibly lucky to have my sweet and affectionate mom change her plans to keep me company on nights I'm facing a long, uninterrupted, stretch of time during which to be sad and moutn . Goody, don't worry because it is only a matter of time before your daughters beg your forgiveness and esperately require your help...after that they realize that maybe you aren't as evil as you remember and may even be willing to demonstrate signs of their love and appreciation for all your advice, support, help, and affection .

     
    Old 04-05-2005, 05:35 AM   #82
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    Re: Meanagers....Will We Survive????

    Sophia.....thanks for such a caring & wonderful post Yes...this thread was over 6 months ago and in resurrecting it I was able to see exactly how far my daughters and I have come. While I may prefer to bury this part of my life, I am able to see that through the pain of living it at the time, it has only served to strengthen me. And, in reading exactly how painful it was for me & my husband to handle at the time....I do see what terrific parents we are and as Snails so lovingly reminds me, there will come a day that my daughters will be able to see us as the same. Thanks for your genuine concern...those few weeks are definitely not one's I would like to relive, but as I said, they have served their purpose in strengthening me.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Snails
    After any teenagers, particularly girls who are under more pressure but have less outlets for their frustration, leave the home, they begin to realize that their parents weren't out to ruin their lives after all . Goody, your daughters are incredibly lucky to have you as a mom, as I am incredibly lucky to have my sweet and affectionate mom change her plans to keep me company on nights I'm facing a long, uninterrupted, stretch of time during which to be sad and moutn . Goody, don't worry because it is only a matter of time before your daughters beg your forgiveness and esperately require your help...after that they realize that maybe you aren't as evil as you remember and may even be willing to demonstrate signs of their love and appreciation for all your advice, support, help, and affection .
    As always, Stacy, you manage to so lovingly and compasssionately remind me of what I already know myself. In this thread, many see the nasty side of teenage girls, but there is so much more to be proud of in my daughters. While they may be testing their boundaries of independence, they excel at everything they put their minds to (even if it is in causing their parents heartache ) They both make honor roll in school and are genuinely respectful to all people outside our home (My own mom often reminds me that all I have done is always reflected to the rest of the world which is where it really counts ) And so I do consider myself blessed and often reflect back to when I was a teenager, and as many of us will admit, those years are not the years I would like to relive. It's the years when I found my independence and took all that my parents had taught me into the real world...those are the years I relive over & over again in my life. And I have the joy and hope that those years will be the same for my own daughters. Thanks for allowing me to see this.......Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 04-05-2005 at 05:38 AM.

     
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