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    Old 08-12-2005, 01:57 PM   #211
    heartlandguy
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    Re: Teens Drinking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    I need your eyes, my friend. ………. I told her I understood her need to see her friends and to come up with a plan which may be more acceptable to us. ……… Please tell me that I handled this alright???
    You do well under fire. You got the drill down perfectly. Negotiate with them to show your flexibility and let them dazzle you with their ingenuity. (Enforcement, on the other hand, is impossible… pray for their safety and your sanity.)

    Quote:
    I am not feeling too metaphysical but if I were to guess it would be my favorite name and second in line if I were to have a boy.
    I’ll let you know soon enough.

    Quote:
    UOD all the way my friend Unless we like well in dowd women and super partying type men...
    And I always thought you were nonjudgmental!

    Quote:
    She really knows you as my friend and I have shared with her how you have helped me through some really tough times.
    Thank you for that wonderful compliment. I think I have a tear in my eye. I wonder if I could get out of receiving a traffic ticket now?

    Quote:
    Each of them are great kids.....when college is over they will realize that there is so much more to life than partying. I am sure of this.
    Rest assured that we found this to be true.

     
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    Old 08-13-2005, 08:15 PM   #212
    singer1
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    Re: Teens Drinking

    Goody,

    It sounds like you and your husband handled everything correctly. I too have a teenage daughter and she also tries her boundry line. I think kids this age have peer pressure and they want to be in the "in crowd" that they fall right into what the others are doing. I know, she thinks you are too strict that the rules of the home are stupid, but she is rebelling big time which all teens (or most) do. She thinks that she is ready to own the world by herself and she is no where near ready. Be glad that you aren't in a divorced situation because that would probably give her even more ammo to use against you.

    Stick to what you are doing, don't be embarrased about what the other parents think. If there is a parent of a child out there that has had absolutley no problems with them, I'd like to know their secret! We can only do the best that we can with what we know but that doesn't mean that the kids will fall into that, if they don't like it, they'll rebel. Leaving liquor out in eyesight is NO excuse for those girls. Don't let them turn it around on you. It's sad that she wasn't responsible enough to maybe put it away for you? And it's a shame that she didn't set an example for her friends and I would in no way ever accept any pf my daughters friends to talk to me in the way it sounded that they talked to you and I would expect an apology. Your home, your rules. Your daughter and hger friends need to respect them. Keep up the good work!

     
    Old 08-15-2005, 06:45 AM   #213
    goody2shuz
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    Re: Teens Drinking

    Thanks Singer for you kind words of support. I have come a long way since I first started this thread but you are right about sticking to your guns in guiding our teens. In fact, they may not readily admit it but they are looking for that "NO" from us in order to remove some of the peer pressure from their lives. Thanks again for you support....us moms never get enough of that

    Heartland ~ Things worked out just fine the other day with K. I negotiated well. D. and another one of K.'s close friends came out to visit K. I made them a taco dinner and they took the boat & jetski out for a while. K. & D. took a jacuzzi bubble bath afterwards while the boy who came left to go to the party K. wanted to go to.

    We have decided to fill the rest of our time up with bonding experiences. K. & I will be going to see "The Full Monty" together. Tom is going to take K. jetskiing through Manhatten in the waters around the Statue of Liberty. Prior to her going to DE we will all go to Great Adventure as a family.....a class trip she missed when she left for DE to stay for the summer and wanted so much to go on. Wewill have a big BBQ with family & friends before she leaves, my brother will come to pick her up and spend a long weekend her with us as well.

    K. is increasingly certain of her decision especially since her friends are showing their support. I am experiencing much of the same with my friends as I have shared with them my decision process and they have assurred me that they are 100% behind Tom & I since I shared with them how we came about the decision. When they heard it through the grapevine they thought our intentions were different but were glad we had shared everything with them. We have yet to share this with a friend who is quite judgemental and tends to be quite envious and so happens to want her daughter to get into UOD but will be facing the competiveness of applying from NY. Tom & I see disclosing this to her as difficult as to his family. But we still stand united in the fact that this is a great opportunity for K. that not everyone has and that others would take if in our shoes. For K. or us to be swayed by the thoughts of others would be wrong.....and so we stand united as a family.

    The hardest part will come today when Tom & I must sign Legal Guardianship papers over to my brother & SIL. Imagine the joy I felt when I received the following last night in response to an email asking my SIL who is a legal secretary if the Temporary form I found online would suffice:

    Goody,
    I am glad you are all enjoying your time together....I totally
    understand how precious that time is, and I know how important it is to ALL
    of you....K. has not mentioned second thoughts to me, but I want her to
    be sure before she does this....It is no little thing, and I am sure she is
    spending all of her time thinking about it....The form looks good to
    me....If you send it to us signed and notarized for your portion, I will
    have one of the girls at work notaraize it for Doug and I....If you would be
    more comfortable listing Doug as the legal guardian, and not putting me on
    the form, I will understand....I just want you to be comfortable....That is
    my prayer every night as I go to sleep....I want you to have peace
    Goody....I want you to know that I admire your strength...Yours and
    Toms....You are wonderful parents, and K. is lucky to have you, and I
    am so happy that you are all a part of my new family....I love you all...I
    hope you know that....I am touched that K. wants to allow Doug and I,
    and our children to share a portion of her life...I feel as if we have been
    given a gift....She is a special bright star, and I am thrilled that she
    will shine here for just a short time...You and Tom have done well by
    her....Ok, enough of this....Now I am crying....Any decision in E. yet?
    How do you feel? Please thank Tom for his wonderful gifts....I enjoyed my
    night fishing with the "Bat Man"....Ok....off to bed....love and kisses to
    all...

    xoxoxoxo
    Love...

    M.


    I think that was the highlight of my weekend. God seems to be comforting me in ways that I least expect or deserve to be.

    Now....enough about me. I am a little concerned about you and can feel your disappointment/discouragement in terms of Job One. Amazing how that travels acrsoo the country...but that is another gift I have been blessed with in being able to feel your pain as well as your joy. I am praying for you even amidst this all. I am finally feeling human again....for a while there I was just floating along merely existing in the numbness of emotion. But now that I am somewhat back to a normal state I can't help but feel your need of my friendship and support. I am here my friend as always and forever. Talk to me.....Goody

    PS ~ I have PT in a while and will be running errands. Will check back in later today.

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 08-15-2005 at 07:15 AM.

     
    Old 08-15-2005, 10:57 AM   #214
    heartlandguy
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    Re: Teens Drinking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    Things worked out just fine the other day with K. I negotiated well.

    K. is increasingly certain of her decision especially since her friends are showing their support. I am experiencing much of the same with my friends as I have shared with them my decision process and they have assurred me that they are 100% behind Tom & I
    I’m glad to see that things are going much better now. It takes time for people to accept such startling news.

    Quote:
    Imagine the joy I felt when I received the following last night in response to an email asking my SIL who is a legal secretary if the Temporary form I found online would suffice.
    While I know how proud you must feel to receive such an email, I couldn’t get over how your brother found a wife with many of your amazing qualities. He probably used his big sis’ as his screening model.

    Quote:
    Now....enough about me. I am a little concerned about you and can feel your disappointment/discouragement in terms of Job One. Amazing how that travels acrsoo the country...but that is another gift I have been blessed with in being able to feel your pain as well as your joy. I am praying for you even amidst this all. ……. I can't help but feel your need of my friendship and support. I am here my friend as always and forever. Talk to me.....Goody
    Fortunately, the pet project keeps me busy and spares me from as much anxiety as you would think. I’m amazed at how many details don’t turn out well if the instructions are followed to the letter. Anyway, last night we finally had all of the essential periphery in place so the commode’s mounting location could be marked on the subfloor. The important news is that the commode’s occupants will have ample elbowroom. {{{roaring cheers}}} Somehow I feel peaceful amidst my job one situation. I’m looking forward more. No wonder I couldn’t see my future when I was looking towards my past… maybe “the fog” is visible only when we look in the wrong direction. Thanks for being my caring friend.

     
    Old 08-15-2005, 06:51 PM   #215
    goody2shuz
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    Re: Teens Drinking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    While I know how proud you must feel to receive such an email, I couldn’t get over how your brother found a wife with many of your amazing qualities. He probably used his big sis’ as his screening model.
    Funny, but my SIL is a little bit outspoken and "take chargish." (unlike me who tends to be meek and speaks up after evaluating a situation) If she has an opinion about something it's her way or no way. Also, one thing that I do not like about her is that she talks badly about my 2 ex SIL's within earshot of the kids. I don't care if what she says may be true, I don't like when any child hears something said bad about their mom by a stepmom. But she is wonderful otherwise....she did take K. to a beauty parlor and had her hair permanently colored without checking it out with me...the highlights are thicker than I would like (almost giving an Elvira look ) but K. likes it and after a few days I got use to it and liked it too. So, for the most part things should work out well.

    I took the opportunity to talk to K. about drinking and inhibitions and how no matter how high she sets her sexual standards she may find herself unable to stick to them when under the influence of drugs/alcohol. I also told her that if she were ever in the position of becoming sexually active that she should feel comfortable enough to discuss this with me or her aunt so that we could bring her to a gyn to have a check up and make sure that she makes sure that she doesn't put herself in a situation that will leave her with a STD or unwanted pregnancy. I told her of course abstinence is the best choice and even shared with her my history of waiting until I was 25 and engaged and how it was such an emotional giving even to the point of remaining in an abusive relationship longer than I should have because I had given such a special part of myself to another. And how after that I waited until I met her Dad. I find myself giving her some of the advice to finalize her passage into adulthood.

    I thought today about the feelings of pain mixed with joy that I have been feeling and it finally made sense to me after crying the night K. came into me. It was the same feeling as when I first expereinced that pain & joy while in labor giving birth to her. With the same joy & pain I feel as if I am doing the same only this time in releasing her into the world. A mother in a sense experiences this pain & joy of rebirth within their child's life many times over. And the realization of this allows me to store the memoirs of motherhood within my heart each time.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    Fortunately, the pet project keeps me busy and spares me from as much anxiety as you would think. I’m amazed at how many details don’t turn out well if the instructions are followed to the letter. Anyway, last night we finally had all of the essential periphery in place so the commode’s mounting location could be marked on the subfloor. The important news is that the commode’s occupants will have ample elbowroom. {{{roaring cheers}}} Somehow I feel peaceful amidst my job one situation. I’m looking forward more. No wonder I couldn’t see my future when I was looking towards my past… maybe “the fog” is visible only when we look in the wrong direction. Thanks for being my caring friend.
    This is good, CBF, and Ellis woud be proud of you. You are finally beginning to see that your self worth is based upon doing your best and seeing the fruits of your labor. I know you must be proud especially in making sure that there was ample room for a man who sits on his throne like a "king" And why shouldn't he....just so long as he puts the seat back down for his "queen".
    Hehehehehehehehe

    I'm glad that you are looking towards the future and that you feel peace in looking that way. I know that it is going to be okay and I somehow feel the pain with the joy with you as I do with K. because I am afraid that soon our journey will be coming to an end once Job One is here. But because I have learned that love is sacrifice I only know that I am bound to feel the same with you, my CBF. But I know that I will be okay knowing that you are happy and fulfilled. That's what real friendship & love is all about.......being able to let go and know that it is still there forever. Thanks for teaching me that.

    ~ Goody

     
    Old 08-17-2005, 12:37 PM   #216
    heartlandguy
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    Re: Teens Drinking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    I took the opportunity to talk to K. about drinking and inhibitions and how no matter how high she sets her sexual standards she may find herself unable to stick to them when under the influence of drugs/alcohol. ……….. I told her of course abstinence is the best choice and even shared with her my history of waiting until I was 25 and engaged and how it was such an emotional giving even to the point of remaining in an abusive relationship longer than I should have because I had given such a special part of myself to another. And how after that I waited until I met her Dad. I find myself giving her some of the advice to finalize her passage into adulthood.
    My friend, you have lived a charmed life. I think the key is the wisdom you possess. If K. accepts your advice, she may lead a charmed life, too. That would be the best gift you could provide her.

     
    Old 08-19-2005, 08:40 AM   #217
    goody2shuz
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    Re: Teens Drinking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    My friend, you have lived a charmed life. I think the key is the wisdom you possess. If K. accepts your advice, she may lead a charmed life, too. That would be the best gift you could provide her.
    Thanks, Heartland. K. has been spending her time balanced between friends and family. I am a little nervous because alot of it has been spent with D. who is now driving full time. She spent a few nights with us and took K. back to SB to spend the night by her. It makes me a little nervous because she is the one who knows where the parties are and will bring K. with her. I know that I need to let go and allow K. the ability to make her own decisions but in the past she has been unable to so long as D. is in the picture. It's one night but still this mother worries.

    I also am concerned about the whole decision for K. to attend HS in Delaware. I spoke with the guidance counselor and things were not as I had thought. They do not offer the AP level courses that K. would have been eligible for here. That will make a big difference on her Senior year academic schedule from any college's perspective. It doesn't concern me so much as how UOD will look at it but how other colleges will if she does not make it in. I spoke to UOD's advisor in the program she will be applying for that we saw last week and she not only remembered me & K. but assurred me that K. would be fine with the Senior courses she had chosen from UOD's perspective. What turmoils me is if she doesn't get into UOD not having the AP courses may be looked at differently from other colleges.


    I know this decision is not only for K. to get into UOD but also as a way to keep her away from the drinking/partying that takes place in her school here so I still think that the decision as being a good one. The more time K. spends with her friends the more stressed I see her in terms of her following through with the decision. She is realizing how much her peers play in her life but thank God she still seems to be for following through with the decision she made. I told her that she still has the opportunity to change her mind but she's still convinced it's a good move.


    Most of all I see it as a way for her to get herself back on track....amazing how she came to the decision on her own and seems to be sticking to it. I know thatit will keep her away from the pressure that she is use to in terms of drinking and partying. That's what I see as an extra bonus in all of this.

    ~ Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 08-22-2005 at 09:29 AM.

     
    Old 08-22-2005, 09:27 AM   #218
    heartlandguy
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    Re: Teens Drinking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    The more time K. spends with her friends the more stressed I see her in terms of her following through with the decision. She is realizing how much her peers play in her life but thank God she still seems to be for following through with the decision she made. I told her that she still has the opportunity to change her mind but she's still convinced it's a good move.

    Most of all I see it as a way for her to get herself back on track....amazing how she came to the decision on her own and seems to be sticking to it. I know thatit will keep her away from the pressure that she is use to in terms of drinking and partying. That's what I see as an extra bonus in all of this.
    K. knows she has come to a fork in the road and realizes that the decision she makes will have a profound impact on her future. When teens make tough but great choices, what better way is there to mentor them than to fully support them? …even if that does mean having them leave home sooner. Great mentors like Tom and you share your children’s sacrifices. In the long run, you will see how sacrifice only strengthens your bonds to her, regardless of where she lives.

     
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