It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Parenting Issues Message Board

  • Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 07-18-2005, 09:37 PM   #31
    haleysmum
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    haleysmum's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2004
    Location: adelaide south australia
    Posts: 700
    haleysmum HB User
    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    No body is saying a 2 year old isnt intelligent enough to know right from wrong. My daughter is 21 months old and she DEFINATELY knows she is doing wrong when I say NO ! What people are saying is that a 2 year old would NOT KNOW why they are being spanked. All they know is mummy hurt me In my experience as a parent all spanking does is give parents an out for there anger I use to get soooooooooooooo frustrated with my oldest son and spanking him gave me some relief of that anger. I wish every day now that I could turn back time I never use to beat my son, but when I remember back to certain occasions and the look on his face it just breaks my heart
    __________________
    DS CHRISTOPHER 27th JANUARY 1986
    DD HALEY BORN 27TH SEPT 2003
    DS ADAM BORN 1ST NOV 2004

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 07-18-2005, 11:53 PM   #32
    FairyMagick
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Feb 2005
    Posts: 419
    FairyMagick HB User
    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    I agree with you haleysmum about spanking being an out for parents. I know you feel bad about spanking your son, but at least you realized it wasn't right. I commend you for that. I also feel that some parents spank because they were spanked, and in a way they don't want to admit there parents were wrong, so by spanking they don't have to face the fact of what there parents did. It just continues as a cycle. Its so sad

     
    Old 07-19-2005, 12:52 AM   #33
    thidagirl22
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    thidagirl22's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2004
    Posts: 169
    thidagirl22 HB User
    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    I agree with spanking. I have a 3 and 4 year old and they get spankings. I hate to do it but I have tried every other thing in the book to keep them under control. I am not going to raise little hellions. If that means spanking their hind end, then so be it. My children always get bragged on and they are the most loving babies. And as far as fearing me or my husband (that's out the window). They all the time just come up out of the blue to slap a big wet smoochie on ya and tell you how much they love you. I was spanked many a time by my parents and no I did not really fear them, it was more like I respected them. I have never been in any "big" trouble as alot of my friends were growing up because I knew better and let things go that I knew were wrong. Just IMO, spanking is not wrong or bad as long as it does not go too far.

     
    Old 07-22-2005, 05:51 PM   #34
    missTee
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    missTee's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2005
    Posts: 255
    missTee HB User
    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    I agree with spanking.I also agree that it is a stress reliever for parents. Here is why. I agree that spanking is very effective. At a certain age...about 2.5 -3 years old a child does understand that he or she will be in trouble when they do something wrong. I use spanking with my bare hand (over her clothes) unless she has really tested the limits and then I spank her bare bum. Always, always in private so I don't humiliate her anymore than she is. I rarely speak loud to her in front of others too. If she is acting up, I take her away from the situation and firmly and sternly tell her that I do not like her behavior. If she keeps it up (after all resources have been used) is when she will get the spank...then she will most likely stop her behavior( immediately.) They say spanking teaches a child that hitting is ok and if you are bigger than the other person, hitting is ok as well...I'm sorry, what 2 or 3 or 4 year old expressed that idea? They do these studies on children...watching them and listening....I was spanked as a child and not once in those years did I think to myself "oh, gee, my mom is bigger than I am so its ok for her to hit me." No, I knew that if my mom spanked me, it was because I was doing something wrong.And that was the outcome of my behavior.What does putting a child in the corner do then? would that teach a child that if they do something wrong than they are shamed and nobody wants to look at them so go in the corner? The fact is that any type of punishment used will have some sort of negative reaction. Its humiliating either way you look at it. Whether you are being yelled at, put in the corner, spanked, grounded...at a young age kids don't like it because it is embarassing.It would be embarassing if we as adults were repremanded in the same manner.Are we forgetting one thing however...a child is a child and they ARE smaller, not as educated, not as wise, they still need the grownups to keep them in line.That is our job.To get them ready to be adults. Shouldn't they learn from their parents loving hand that when they make poor decisions there will be consequences...bad consequences as well the good,and they need to learn how to handle those consequences. In grown up world however, our poor decisions end up in losing a job or getting sent to prison or losing a loved one.These kids these days have virtually no back bone. In the military, they actually get a time out card!Its just my oppinion, but, its the militarys' job to toughen these boys up (and or woman if thats what they choose). Some where along the lines parents lost the right to effectively parent because of the people out there who take discipline too far. Of course there is a HUGE line between disciplining with a spank and letting out frustrations.We all know what that difference is. If you don't you shouldn't be a parent.My daughter knows when she is being fresh. She knows that when I mean business, I mean business. I don't even have to spank her really any more. She knows that If I count to 3 and she isn't following my directions she'll get a time out or a spanking. Some parents can go to far and take their anger out on the child yes, in that case, the parent needs to just walk away from the situation. I have plenty of times gotten to the anger point where I could have slapped the hell out of my dd...but...I won't because I do understand she is an impulsive toddler.I put her in her room and go in the next room and cool off. Usually its only when I am personally having a rotten day...then I know to just turn the other way if she is doing something that annoys the hell out of me.Anyway, The punishment HAS to fit the crime. No ifs ands or buts. And it certainly depends on the age and/or maturity level of the child.
    __________________
    missTee
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

     
    Old 07-22-2005, 07:15 PM   #35
    off kilter
    Inactive
     
    Join Date: Aug 2003
    Location: Chelsea,Ma,USA
    Posts: 408
    off kilter HB User
    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    I've never met a parent who has said they were never spanked as a child but they spank their own children. Any parents want to chime in ? If they were not spanked but found they do spank thier children.

     
    Old 07-22-2005, 09:46 PM   #36
    arock
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Dec 2004
    Posts: 443
    arock HB User
    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    hmm... yup, i was spanked as a child. i thought it sucked, but i showed mom and dad a little more respect after that! only took once for me, and i remember it well.

    as far as spanking goes, i think that we spanking parents can agree, it really doesn't take much. just follow through a time or two and i haven't had to spank 'em since. now i count down from ten, and those kids sure do hustle. i say, whatever works, within reason of course. if you can get your kid to follow directions all the time by using a stern tone, good on you, that can not be easy to do!

    personally, i refuse to be one of those parents i see in the grocery, begging and pleading, bribing their kids to behave, while the kids are climbing the walls, not listening to their parents, accepting the bribes, then continuing their awful behavior. forget it. i am the parent. it is my job to keep the roof over their heads, get healthy food in their bellies, get them to school prepared and on time, and give them a good start on the life skills they will utilize as they grow up and become productive members of society. a spank will get their attention so that they can stop and pay attention to what i am teaching them. i will not have spoiled brats to send out into the world.

    they take lessons, wear nice clothes, have plenty of friends, read tons of books, have an avalanche of art supplies, go on vacations, and they behave themselves beautifully. they are deluged with love and affection constantly. they also know very well who is in charge. i talk to my kids a lot, about right/wrong, truth/lie, rules/consequences, etc. they have never been spanked without plenty of warning, including chances to correct their behavior, and they understand well that there are consequences for inappropriate behavior. now, of course, i mostly send them to the rooms to "think about what they've done" and they have to demonstrate understanding to me before they can come out again.

    i am proud to say, no matter what kind of monsters they can be at home, at school and in public, my kids are the picture of perfect... most of the time. *lol* they are still kids!

    ps- i think it's been said, but i would never spank my child out of anger. that is not discipline, it's revenge.

    pps- a little anecdote for ya: my kids never hit other kids, ever, and they have been spanked. it's been a coupla years, but they remember they don't like it. my brother's kids, 6 and 2yo, never spanked (my brother was beaten by his bio dad), always getting in trouble for hitting other kids. beside the spanking, they are being raised in an almost identical way. now, if my kid continued to hit other kids, he might get a wollup on the backside for it and sent to his room for awhile. next time he thought it would be funny to smack another kid he might remember what it got him and think again. just my opinion.

     
    Old 07-23-2005, 12:03 AM   #37
    MIpigpen
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    MIpigpen's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2004
    Location: michigan
    Posts: 264
    MIpigpen HB User
    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    The "bare bottom" thing. Do you ask her to remove her clothes, or do you take off her pants and then her underware? That seems shocking.

    I think of my children asking for privacy on the potty, or perhaps myself explaining "private parts" in accordance with their you know whats and how if we touch those privates...we don't do in PRIVATE. Getting naked from the waist down for a spanking seems a little too...too...much. I read a book about war and it talked about humiliating POWs by making them remove their pants before they were whiped. The idea of the removal of clothes was a psycholigical tool to add to the beatings.

    Still..I was spanked-don't spank, but don't think I was emotionaly harmed from it. My brother, however, remembers every spanking and when he was 6 replied to a teacher in detention: Why can't I hit-my mom does!" He hit a boy on the bottom with a library book when he didn't stop calling him names.

    I guess no parent will ever know if spankings have a life-long effect on their children until after the spankings are long over.

     
    Old 07-23-2005, 10:14 AM   #38
    siren1024
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    siren1024's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2003
    Location: Jacksonville, AL USA
    Posts: 997
    siren1024 HB User
    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    To answer your question, MI, I don't take his diaper off and spank his bare butt. However, I do administer the smack just below the diaper. On the fleshy part of the upper thigh right where the bottom meets it. (usually at home he's only in a diaper and tshirt. If we are out somewhere, I don't remove any clothing.) I only do this because the he seems to feel nothing through the diaper.

    Thinking back, my parents rarely spanked the bare bum. They did, however, use a belt or a paddle so clothing removal was uncessary.

    The reason I don't spank through the diaper very often is because I want to be able to get my point across with one lick. I will never spank him more than 3 times (and that's for the WORST offenses, and only through clothes) and if he doesn't care if I spank him through the diaper that's when I start to get angry, especially if he continues the behavior. I don't want to get angry while spanking him, so I've found that one bare skin smack is most effective that way.
    __________________
    --Kellie
    Married 09/28/2002
    DS born 07/05/2003
    DD born 3/24/2005

    Last edited by siren1024; 07-23-2005 at 10:15 AM.

     
    Old 07-23-2005, 11:14 AM   #39
    off kilter
    Inactive
     
    Join Date: Aug 2003
    Location: Chelsea,Ma,USA
    Posts: 408
    off kilter HB User
    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    To be honest Siren you scare the h-ll out of me. Please stop hurting him. In you own words" if he doesn't care if I spank him through the diaper that's when I start to get angry while spanking him, so I've found that one bare skin smack is most effective that way." One bare smack is more effective because it inflicts PAIN? Please stop. No more spanking Mom. Get help so you can raise healthy happy kids with out using Pain.

     
    Old 07-23-2005, 12:38 PM   #40
    Misty800
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Feb 2001
    Location: Burnet, Texas USA
    Posts: 4,310
    Misty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB UserMisty800 HB User
    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    I am from the old school and did spank my children. However, when a child is still young enough to be in diapers they are too young to learn from a spanking.

    For generations spanking has been used. There are right and wrong ways to spank. Spanking can and will teach a child to hit others, they do not understand why mom or dad can hit them and they cannot hit.

    When it is difficult to reason with a child they should be gently removed from whatever they are doing that is wrong, have time out, be firm and consistent. You cannot yak at a kid and then turn your back and allow them to continue doing the same thing just because it is too much trouble to remove them again. Telling them no one time and letting them do it at other times does no good.

    The right kind of discpline should start early, not after bad habits have been formed.

    Permissiveness is not good either, children do not learn to respect themselves or others. Permissiveness creates little monsters. Those are the ones you see in stores and resturants tearing the place up, disturbing others.

    There is a happy medium which disciplines a child, leaves their dignity in tact and they will have respect for you and others. Remember, you are the parent, not your child's playmate. Yes, we play with our children but you know what I mean by that statement.

    I have learned a lot since raising my own children. One daughter has a very close bond with each of her 4 children, lots of hugging, loving, etc. but, she has good control and the children are well behaved. She uses a soft but stern voice, gently removes child from the problem, gets them interested in something else. Older ones know when mom speaks in a soft stern voice they had better shape up. The children have never been yelled at or spanked.

    On the other hand our son's children are yelled at and spanked, AND they continue doing what they were doing. They get attention in the negative way instead of positive way. Negative attention is not good for the child.

    The above is something for the younger generations to think about in raising their children.

    Today women have more time to snuggle, cuddle their children than back in the days when we had to wash, starch, iron every piece of outside clothing, cook full course meals, do all housework, all shopping, all yard work. Now days everyone wears wash wrinkled clothes and husbands help out on the home front. Boy, that alone reduces the work load. Yeah! I am enjoying the relaxed way of life of today's generation. No longer a slave to washing machine and ironing board or kitchen stove!

     
    Old 07-23-2005, 01:09 PM   #41
    siren1024
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    siren1024's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2003
    Location: Jacksonville, AL USA
    Posts: 997
    siren1024 HB User
    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    Actually, offkilter, you misquoted me. What I actually said was "I don't WANT to get angry while spanking him...." therefore, I don't allow myself. If the one lick works, I use it. No more after that FOR THAT VERY REASON. If the more swats through the diaper DON'T work, I begin to get angry with him. But I never continue beyond that. I really resent being practically called an abusive mother. He's never had any marks left on him, and he is much more well behaved than many kids I know. He's confident, independent, and an all around happy child. None of you can say you've never gotten angry with your children. Come on now.

    My son is very bright, has always been developmentally ahead of his age, but he is also VERY strong willed. As I've said many times before, I've tried other types of discipline and he has learned how to fight me on all of them. He's headstrong, and that's a quality I admire, but also needs to be channeled in a positive direction. For those of you who have children who respond to other types of discipline, that's wonderful for you. But don't judge someone before you've been in their shoes.

    And certainly don't go misquoting and twisting intentions for your own judgemental purposes.

    And, as someone mentioned before, according to CPS SPANKING ON THE BOTTOM IS NOT ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Offkilter, you are a better parent than me. Okay, is that better? Does that make you feel better? You raise your kids how you see fit, and I'll raise mine. Meanwhile you can sit back and bask in the glow of the knowledge that you are a better mother. Just please, leave me alone about this now.
    __________________
    --Kellie
    Married 09/28/2002
    DS born 07/05/2003
    DD born 3/24/2005

     
    Old 07-24-2005, 05:25 AM   #42
    haleysmum
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    haleysmum's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2004
    Location: adelaide south australia
    Posts: 700
    haleysmum HB User
    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    Hi again, I knew when I very first read this post that it would cause probs. I guess we all have to agree to disagree when it comes to the way we bring up our children. I personally dont believe that inflicting pain on a child is a good way to do this and in particular to one that is no more than a baby. Of course we all get angry from time to time at our children. But I have taught myself to take a step back and think before I act ! I was also hit as a child and I tell you now it didnt make a blind bit of difference IE I didnt end up being a better behaved child or teen. I still misbehaved and did things wrong that I KNEW were wrong. All it did was make me feel that my mother didnt love me I still to this day at 36 years of age think about the times when mum would hit me and it STILL upsets me. She wasnt a child basher that spanked us regularly, but I remember how distraught I would be when she did I will say it again, its just an out for parents. Im not having a go at anyone who does hit their kids, Im just talking from my own personal experience. Both as a spanked child and as a parent that USE to spank. You can still discipline your children and have well behaved children without hitting them. I guess its called patience. As previous posters have said, remove the child from the situation. You may have to do this 10 times, but they will get the point eventually. If not shut them in their room. I have only ever had to do this once with my daughter. She was put in there for about 3 minutes, yes it upset her, but I havent had to do it again. Violence DOES create violence ! Statistics PROVE this. When my first son was a child I spanked him because I didnt know any different when it came to parenting. But in saying that I was only 17 years old when I had him. Now as a grown woman who has her own mind, I wouldnt dream of inflicting pain on my children
    __________________
    DS CHRISTOPHER 27th JANUARY 1986
    DD HALEY BORN 27TH SEPT 2003
    DS ADAM BORN 1ST NOV 2004

     
    Old 07-24-2005, 07:09 AM   #43
    missTee
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    missTee's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2005
    Posts: 255
    missTee HB User
    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    Agree to disagree...all children learn in different ways. As long as other techniques have been tried, I think what works should be used.Kids need discipline. If they are not learning from a soft stern voice...the discipline must change. One child might listen better with the soft stern voice. Other children are not so easy and don't listen. My dd being one of them. And I certainly didn't start out hitting! I was very against spanking...thought like all the others. What it does for the child so on and so forth. Then I had kids of my own. I realized that what I had learned in school just didn't make sense to MY reality. And that reality was that I had a dd whos personality was very strong willed. She is very head strong and will do what she wants and whether I said no, stop, or took the item away or diverted her attention in some way, she just wouldn't listen. Believe me I tried every technique known....bought the books, talked to other parents, doctors....sometimes with certain children they need a little more than a good talkin to.Some kids are way more head strong then others. Mine is VERY aggresive by nature.She was even before spanking was introduced to her. WE don't want to "hurt" them, But we do want them to learn. There is only so many things that can be taken away ("out of site, out of mind?"). At some point these kids need it drilled in their little brains that you are the parent you need to listen. Its all in the child and the child personality. God bless you all who have children who will listen and obey to other means of discipline.And please don't use tones in which you try to inflict guilty feelings for doing the best that us "spanking" parents can do.We don't enjoy disciplining our cute adorable toddlers (as devlish as they can be) To those parents who have "difficult" children..hang in there...do what works (within the law *lol*). We all want one thing...To raise productive good adults. (I don't hit my neighbor or boss, do any of you?)
    __________________
    missTee
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

     
    Old 07-24-2005, 05:50 PM   #44
    nicolettie
    Member
    (female)
     
    nicolettie's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Location: california
    Posts: 84
    nicolettie HB User
    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    hell ya i spank them. But becareful Im afraid to spank in public because it seems that CPS does not believe in spankin's But you better believe my daughter listens to me real well. Wont listen to grandma. In fact grandmother lectures me about spanking. But if it is effective disapline and your only spanking the bum with your bare hands, I personally do not see the problem here. I also noticed that a lot of childern nowadays that only recieve "time-outs" act up more.

     
    Old 07-24-2005, 09:35 PM   #45
    FairyMagick
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Feb 2005
    Posts: 419
    FairyMagick HB User
    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    This is a touchy subject but like all things wrong they take time be recognized as such. Parents want to justify what there parents did. That is how violence and other abuse is passed down. I can only hope it becomes illegal some day to hit a child to punish them. Or for any other reason. And no hitting does not make a child better. It gives a parent an out for there lack of a better way to handle there child. Think about it. What is hitting? It is over powering someone with pain. It is a shock and threat. How does that help teach anyone? I do not believe there is a child out there that can not be handled any other way, than having to resort to hitting. There is always something. Why does it have to end in violence? Is it just because doing something else would take more time? To me it raises a red flag that a parent would say hitting is the only way to make my child behave. I would get that child checked out by a DR. It just doesn't seem right. Many parents have the mentality that "I'm the boss" or "because I said so". Yes parents should be respected and they are in charge of there children, but it goes way beyond, "I'm bigger so I will hit your bare bottom to hurt you, now be good".
    I have seen parents who hit there children and make a spectacle of themselves in public. Believe me those kids are not well behaved. Because if spanking worked why would they dare act out in public? Its always the screaming kids having a tantrum being hit in public. I have never one time seen a decent looking family hitting there kids. I am not trying to offend anyone here. But everyone knows what I am taking about. It is usually a ratty looking kid half dressed ( not that it is the poor child's fault) with an at there wits end mother that hits there kids in public. It would take a parent to have to admit they were wrong to make them stop hitting there children and they rarely happens sadly. There really isn't anything anyone can say to change or enlighten the apposing side. That is why laws are made. And I am sure the law will catch up in this matter.

    Last edited by FairyMagick; 07-24-2005 at 09:43 PM.

     
    Closed Thread




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:09 PM.





    © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!