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    Old 07-24-2005, 10:46 PM   #46
    nicolettie
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    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    You never see a decent family cuz they don't do it in public. Im sorry but I totally disagree with you. My childern are not afraid and never act scared of me. So what your saying does not make sense. And my childern throw a fit in public cuz they know i won't do anything in public. However when childern are actually being abused (hit other than bare bottom) I seen a child around 3 years old get punched in his face by his father. that child has a big acting out problem so i think if you spank Too little childern can act out but i also think an abused child will act out. just in different ways.

     
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    Old 07-29-2005, 06:11 PM   #47
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    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    i understand that, for some people, this is a really hot topic and gets the emotions all worked up, but i would like to see an acknowledgment of the difference between 'spanking'- a disciplinary swat on the bottom, and 'hitting' a violent motion carried out on any other part of the body.

    i do not 'hit' my kids, and i don't spank on a naked butt either, unless it's already naked, like at bathtime and brother and sister have ahold of each other's hair or something like that, but i certainly will spank them, if the occasion warrants.

    raising kids is hard enough, having to deal with judgemental, critical parents who seem to think they know all about raising every kid is not helpful, and i was under the impression that this board was s'posed to be here for us to help each other. suggesting another mother 'get help' and 'stop hurting' her child b/c she spanks him?? please. get off your high horse and join the rest of us back here on earth.

    spanking is not an 'out' for parents, nor is it a way to justify the abuse suffered at the hands of one's own parents, it is, what psychologists call 'negative reinforcement.' meaning, child does something naughty, is warned. child does it again, is warned, again, is warned, again, gets spanking, action ceases. child has just learned that if said action is repeated that there will be an unpleasant consequence to that action.

    but i am a no-nonsense type person, i do not subscribe to the notion that children are delicate little flowers and need to be sheltered from everything unpleasant. children grow up to be adults, and they need to learn a few things, i am here to teach them, but that cannot happen if they are not paying attention, and i won't coddle them, or cajole them into learning the things that they need to in order to survive life in our world. life hurts, disappointments happen, they need to be tough, strong, goal-oriented, and not be crushed by minor setbacks. they also have to be compassionate, gracious, loving, loyal and forgiving. so far, so good, on all counts.

    please, fellow parents, let us give each other a break. let us make room in our hearts and minds for other ways of doing things, including disciplining our own kids. if you can get by with a stern tone, good for you, i hope your kids blossom under your careful, loving tutelage. for you spankers, i'm with you, the stern tone thing doesn't always work for me either.

    alternatively, i have recently found the joys of a different type of punishment-- WORK! yes, i have gotten sick and tired of picking up clean and dirty clothes off the floor, cleaning pee off the toilet, toothpaste off the sink, collecting toys inside and outside the house, and cleaning paper, pens and crayons from absolutely everywhere. i put my kids, both 6yo, to work!

    my house is always a disaster and i can't take it anymore, now they have to help or they don't get to do anything fun, they have to stay in their room all day. works like a charm, but i have to check on them every 10 or so minutes or they will slack off. now my backyard is clean, they picked up all the trash and toys they had strewn about, and their bedroom is spotless. i also make them scoop the poop from the dog! i'm so excited about this, i'll have 'em cleaning their bathroom in no time!

    i do reward them, with a trip to the pool, or the movies, or a dollar or whatever. positive and negative reinforcement at the same time, woo! hope everyone has a good weekend, sorry this is so long!

     
    Old 07-31-2005, 02:43 PM   #48
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    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    I do not and will not spank on the bare bottom.

    I have two girls ages 8 and 5, and disciplining them is as different as they are.

    My 8 year old is very effectively desciplined by standing in the corner while I explain to her why she is there and what is expected of her.

    My 5 year old, on the other hand, responds very well to a calm but firm voice. I just tell her what she did is unacceptable and explain what is expected of her, and her big hazel eyes just fill up with tears.

    Both of my children are very well behaved, and show a tremendous amount of respect for both people and property.

    I understand that spanking is a useful disciplinary tool, I just choose not to use it.

    I personally think that anyone that's reading this forum is a good parent and has the best intentions for their child. With that, I must state that I strongly disagree with the posts basicly stating that non-spankers are better parents.

    We are here to help one another, share our experiences, and encourage.

    Love and respect go a long way.

    Willy Shawn

    Last edited by Willy Shawn; 07-31-2005 at 02:49 PM.

     
    Old 07-31-2005, 04:06 PM   #49
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    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    Willy and Arock--- thanks a bunch!!!!!!! All childre are different, and believe me,I wish mine was one of those that a "stern tone" worked with. But he's not. My DD is only 4 months old, but I can alreday tell she is VERY different from my DS and I hope I never have to spank her.

    You can't act like every kid is the same and will respond to the same sort of discipline!!!
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    Old 07-31-2005, 06:48 PM   #50
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    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    Thank you guys.
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    Old 07-31-2005, 06:51 PM   #51
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    Lightbulb Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by arock
    i understand that, for some people, this is a really hot topic and gets the emotions all worked up, but i would like to see an acknowledgment of the difference between 'spanking'- a disciplinary swat on the bottom, and 'hitting' a violent motion carried out on any other part of the body.

    i do not 'hit' my kids, and i don't spank on a naked butt either, unless it's already naked, like at bathtime and brother and sister have ahold of each other's hair or something like that, but i certainly will spank them, if the occasion warrants.

    raising kids is hard enough, having to deal with judgemental, critical parents who seem to think they know all about raising every kid is not helpful, and i was under the impression that this board was s'posed to be here for us to help each other. suggesting another mother 'get help' and 'stop hurting' her child b/c she spanks him?? please. get off your high horse and join the rest of us back here on earth.
    ........................................ ........................................ ........................................ .......................!
    Just like you i also use the reward system cuz it wouldn't be right to only disapline if they did something wrong and never notice any good they do. my reward system however is stickers. you see my childern are only 2 1 /2 and almost 1 years old. As they get older i will reward them with other things. what does everyone else reward system consist of?
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    Old 07-31-2005, 07:01 PM   #52
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    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    nic, right now, my oldest is only 2. I mostly use praise, praise, praise. And maybe toys as a reward, or special priviledges that I know he loves. DH and I have always discussed a monetary reward system when they get older. We will definitely be an "earn your allowance" type family.

    IMO it is SOOOOOOOOO important to use postive and negative discipline because that is what you find in real life.
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    Old 07-31-2005, 08:23 PM   #53
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    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    We use trips to the zoo or theme parks as rewards for long periods of good behavior. Short term rewards include praise, toys, trips to the ice cream parlor, and of course more praise.

    I also beleive in "Earn your allowance". It's not very much now due to their ages, but as they grow up so will the allowance.

     
    Old 08-01-2005, 07:57 PM   #54
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    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    Nicoletti I'm glad I came back and read your post. I only read the last posts , but after reading what you said about using this site for advice and/or help not criticizm on others' parenting skills was great. Most of the people on this board (I'm sure) are here because they want what is best for their child. And if these parents are concerned enough to join a site to seek other 'views' on parenting, then they must be doing something right. Or they are headed in the right direction. Thumbs up to your post!~
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    Old 08-01-2005, 08:25 PM   #55
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    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    As writen by fairymagic:[To me it raises a red flag that a parent would say hitting is the only way to make my child behave.]

    Most parents who use the "spanking" method certainly would not say "its the only way"...

    [I have seen parents who hit there children and make a spectacle of themselves in public. Believe me those kids are not well behaved. Because if spanking worked why would they dare act out in public? ]

    All children act out in public at some point. You mean to tell me your kids never acted out in public? Most kids act out in public, not b/c they are spanked at home and they are just bad kids or b/c they are not "decent", but b/c they are TIRED,HUNGRY,SICK,ETC...

    [Its always the screaming kids having a tantrum being hit in public. I have never one time seen a decent looking family hitting there kids. I am not trying to offend anyone here. But everyone knows what I am taking about. ]

    "everyone knows what you are talking about?" What? The ratty looking kids who come from low income families?Sounds like to me you are stereo typing people here. So now we are insulting those families who were not fortunate enough to go to college and get themselves a 'decent' job, make a 'decent' income to cloth their ratty, bratty kids?

    [It is usually a ratty looking kid half dressed ( not that it is the poor child's fault) with an at there wits end mother that hits there kids in public.]

    What you occassionally see out in public is certainly not what takes place in every family who spanks. I know MANY well to do people who were spanked as children who in turn have spanked their children. This is not about economic statis here. The parents who leave the cart in the aisle and take their child out who is in full tantrum.....are you positive that they are not spanking those kids when they get home? Are you certain? Because of those parents who are 'decent'...and whose kids are dressed according to the medias standards...I'm sure those kids get a spanking or two. The reason you DON'T see it in public is because they are more aware of the consequences that there are some medalling people out there who will call DSS on them.Plus, they don't want to embarrass themselves OR their children in front of a few dozen strangers.There goes your theory out the window about "ratty kids" coming from poor folks who can't afford to buy the latest, trendiest clothes. And where do you live that you see so much of this? Must be a low income area? Oh, did I offend you? Like someone else on this board said...."get off your high horse!" People like you are ignorant to other peoples views and that is why this country will NEVER be equal or stand together....I'm sick of this "Its my way(view) or no way(view)" attitude. I am finished with this thread.
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    Last edited by missTee; 08-01-2005 at 08:34 PM.

     
    Old 08-02-2005, 03:11 PM   #56
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    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    ouch missTee! i understand your frusteration though.

    as for different types of rewards, my kids have Leapsters (like an educational gameboy), so they will sometimes get a new cartridge for that, as a reward. they don't really get an allowance yet, but they do earn dollars for various chores. sometimes the chores themselves are rewards, or at least rewarding to the kids. for example, they will fight over who "gets" to scoop the poop and who "has" to point it out! kids are nuts!

    i'll also take them to the zoo, as willy said, they love that, or to a movie, or they'll get a new dvd, or get to play outside after dark, very exciting and novel for them. popsicles (100% fruit juice, of course!), are a good reward, going to their lessons is a good one too, my kids both take karate and gymnastics, my girl also goes to ballet and my boy does golf. (guess i'm one of those "status quo" spankers missTee was talking about)

    what else? new gear for their sports, shorts, leotards and whatnot. happy meals, playdates, grandma's house, staying up past bedtime, going to the bookstore with dad, going anywhere with dad (stay-at-home mom!), going to the starbucks, cookies, chocolate milk (ovaltine), string cheese, peaches, going to the pizza parlour with friends to eat pizza and play video games, you name it! most of this stuff is couching it right. if you offer it as a reward, it miraculously becomes one!

    when my daughter was little, she was my sister's daughter, so i have very little idea of what her rewards were then, other than going to auntie's house, but ever since my son was about 8 months old he's been fascinated with cars, so toy cars were a good, cheap reward that always worked for him. and praise, praise, praise, was always very effective with him as well. i think a couple of people said that, that is just great! we reward our kids constantly, to be honest. they are good kids, and they try their best to be good kids most of the time. we are very proud of them. ah, again i have gone on and on....

    anyone else?

     
    Old 08-11-2005, 11:47 AM   #57
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    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    Spanking is used in my house with my daughter and so far its been effective.
    I think the first time i ever spanked her for something was when she was 4 (she now 6). I dont find myself having to spank too often nowadays, if she is being rude or not listening to me, then if I feel the situaton is serious enough i will ask her if she is looking for a spanking?
    Usually thats it, she will already change her attitude but otherwise if i have to spank her i will just spank her around 3/4 times with my palm on her bare bottom. I would never do it in front of others though, shes probably already embarrased enough as it is.
    And thats it, usually shes then transformed into a little angel (for a while) !
    So yes i do spank bare botttm

     
    Old 08-11-2005, 11:47 AM   #58
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    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    Spanking is used in my house with my daughter and so far its been effective.
    I think the first time i ever spanked her for something was when she was 4 (she now 6). I dont find myself having to spank too often nowadays, if she is being rude or not listening to me, then if I feel the situaton is serious enough i will ask her if she is looking for a spanking?
    Usually thats it, she will already change her attitude but otherwise if i have to spank her i will just spank her around 3/4 times with my palm on her bare bottom. I would never do it in front of others though, shes probably already embarrased enough as it is.
    And thats it, usually shes then transformed into a little angel (for a while) !
    So yes i do spank bare botttm

     
    Old 08-11-2005, 05:58 PM   #59
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    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    I believed in spanking (when I did, it was one swat on the bare bum... THAT WAS IT)... and I was cornered by child welfare and police, and told that if I did it again, I would spend life in prison...

    Long story short... dauther's father hated me, and wanted custody when she was born, and tried to tell them that I was a doper (all tests came out clean), and that I gave her alcohol to pt her to sleep at night (had her taken away for 5 months without testing - LOOOONG story, ( removed )

    Now I have a bad rap with child welfare... if I so as raise an eyebrow at my children, they're on my case!

    Last edited by moderator2; 08-12-2005 at 09:41 AM. Reason: ... not necessary or allowed to discuss the posting rules

     
    Old 08-15-2005, 08:17 PM   #60
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    Re: Have you also spank on the 'bare bum'?.....

    I spank on the bare bum too. Wether it be humiliation or pain I dont know. All I know is that it works.
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