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-   -   5-yr old hits - any advice? (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/parenting-issues/317882-5-yr-old-hits-any-advice.html)

danimal15 08-23-2005 01:59 PM

5-yr old hits - any advice?
 
Any parents out there with advice on how to deal with a 5-year old who hits his mother? What kind of punishment might work, if any?

whiteluluflower 08-23-2005 06:17 PM

Re: 5-yr old hits - any advice?
 
Time outs? stuff taken away, (that they love), no tv? (we had that prob, when my nephew was 2.. he liked hitting me) holding his arms/legs, for like a couple seconds.. so they cant hit.. umm

nyc_sud 08-24-2005 12:33 PM

Re: 5-yr old hits - any advice?
 
You have to find where they are learning this behavior. Hitting is a learned behavior that they picked up from somewhere.

If they see you hitting your other kids or your spouse your child will never stop hitting. Most of the time, hitting is a result of a child not being to express himself. Encourage them to use their words.

Time outs with zero tolerance is very effective at this age. A tip for coming out of time outs; do not keep punishing/lecturing them after the time out, it is best to not mention your anger or fustration over the hitting after the time out is concluded. Lecture prior to starting the time out.

Best of luck

OokieWonderslug 08-24-2005 12:44 PM

Re: 5-yr old hits - any advice?
 
You spank them when they hit you. That is proper discipline. All 5 year olds hit people until they learn not to. The best way to teach them not to hit others is if they know that the person they hit may hit them back and it will sting for a little while. They also learn how it feels to be hit and don't want to make others feel that way.

You can't reason with a 5 year old. Don't waste your time and annoy the child by trying.

nyc_sud 08-24-2005 01:07 PM

Re: 5-yr old hits - any advice?
 
[QUOTE=OokieWonderslug]You spank them when they hit you. That is proper discipline. All 5 year olds hit people until they learn not to. The best way to teach them not to hit others is if they know that the person they hit may hit them back and it will sting for a little while. They also learn how it feels to be hit and don't want to make others feel that way.

You can't reason with a 5 year old. Don't waste your time and annoy the child by trying.[/QUOTE]

I have a 5 year old and my sister has a 10 yo and 7 yo. We have never spanked our kids and they have learned not to hit others. A normal 5 yo has the ability to know from right and wrong. They can understand that their actions have consequences but only if you are consistent in applying your rules.

Spanking may work for you but I believe that hitting your child is a means for you to relieve your anger/fustration.

I find that children this age are always looking for attention, positive reinforcement and praise. If the only time your kids are getting any attention from you is when you are yelling, screaming or hitting them their behavior will continue.

OokieWonderslug 08-24-2005 02:09 PM

Re: 5-yr old hits - any advice?
 
[I]I have a 5 year old and my sister has a 10 yo and 7 yo. We have never spanked our kids and they have learned not to hit others. A normal 5 yo has the ability to know from right and wrong. They can understand that their actions have consequences but only if you are consistent in applying your rules.[/I]

If you say so, but think on this for a few: Since parents started deciding not to spank their kids we have seen an enormous increase in children committing violent crime, being sexually promiscuous, kids acting insane like on "Jackass" or "Viva La Bam", and all other kinds of mayhem. In my view the lack of physical discipline is a major factor in these social ills. The only other major factor would be single motherhood. Combine the two and it's a pretty good bet the kids will be spoiled, whiny, and just plain bratty. Not all of them, but enough to make a generalization and have it hold water.

I'm just saying that a swat on the butt isn't going to do any harm and it has been shown through 10,000 years of parenting to be an extremely effective method of getting a child to behave.

siren1024 08-26-2005 12:35 PM

Re: 5-yr old hits - any advice?
 
Ookie, I give you a big "I HEAR YOU!!" LOL.

Aside from that, the only thing I have to say is hitting is NOT always a learned behavior. I am the SAHM of a 2 year old who had at the time rarely been around other people, NEVER been spanked, we monitored what he saw on TV closely, and DH and DH and I don't exhibit that sort of behavior. And he first hit me at 15 months. Yes, I spank now, and time out (with spanking for non compliance with time out) has worked wonders with his hitting.

Bottom line: Kids will hit. They hit out of frustration at an early age when they don't know any better. I don't buy into the "blank slate" theory. Each child is born with his or her predispositions towards certain things. It's obvious from a young age. People are violent by nature, it's nurture that teaches them not to be violent.

My opinion (please don't take offense) is that 5 years old is too old to be hitting parents. Hitting other kids, yes, it will happen at any age and has to be dealt with because kids provoke each other. But hitting parents is a show of defiance or lack of impulse and emotional control. Only you can determine which one it is. Young children (toddlers, preschoolers) hit out of lack of verbal skills to express anger or frustration. Older children hit out of rage and in hopes to get their way.

Danimal, I remember you from the spanking thread, and know you don't want to spank. If that's still the case, you have to take away something important. 5 is old enough to understand priveleges and stuff and learn from that. If he still hits when he's being disciplined, I say put him in his room and leave him there until he can behave himself.

I rememeber being 5 like it was yesterday. I remember being manipulative, willful, and out and out defiant. It was a big mind game with me and my mom (which I ultimately ended up losing, but I fought to the end!!!!) but there's no excuse for this behavior at this age. I just don't think we give kids enough credit nowdays for exactly how calculated and obstinate their behavior can be.

Don't let him or her fool you. Pick one form of discipline you KNOW will get to him most and stick with it. Consistancy is they key, whether you spank or take away priveleges. I know personally time out was a big joke for me by the time I was 5, but a spanking or a favorite toy or pasttime gone was not!

You may find yourself spanking if this behavior keeps up and you come to the end of your rope. The whole "hitting teaches hitting" theory is a huge load of BS and I can prove it with statistics. If you still are anti spanking, just do whatever bothers him most for discipline. And stick with it. Also make sure that you aren't seen as the "disciplinarian" and mom "the easy one." I know that kind of happens in my house. My DS knows that he can get away with more around me than he can my DH, so he pushes his limits all the time. He too only hits me, not DH (who has also spanked him).


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