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  • My mom won't let me see my family

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    Old 11-24-2005, 10:32 PM   #1
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    My mom won't let me see my family

    As the result of a stupid argument my mom and my aunt had back in July, my mom believes that she was "thrown out" of my grandma's house by my aunt. In case anyone is wondering, my grandma has severe dementia and her children take turns coming to her house to care for her because she is pretty much an invalid at this point.

    Anyway, my mom has been holding this grudge for over four months...I was there when this argument happeneed and there was no throwing out that went on. My mom was prepared to leave and my aunt just wasn't in a highly chipper mood that day - my mom claims that my aunt pushe me out the door when my mom had grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me out the door, practically throwing me down the steps on the porch. My mom is very notorious for making everyone else look like the ones at fault and making herself look like the victim.

    I just began college about 2 months ago, and I'm currently home for Thanksgiving for a few days. I would have loved to go see my family during this holiday that is usually symbolic of together-ness, but my mom refused to allow me to see or even speak to my family. I called my grandma's house earlier today to wish everyone a happy holiday and my mom yelled at me and told me to never call them because of the things my aunt has said to her. See, according to my mom, when she was thrown out, I was automatically thrown out too because I'm her daughter.

    I have no car, no friends who can drive that are currently home, no money to pay for a cab, nada...my only means of transportation is my mom. I can't call my family now because my mom will listen to my phone conversations to make sure I'm not speaking to one of my aunts or cousins. I am over 10 miles away from my grandma's house, so walking in the wintry weather would be pretty hard for me to do without freezing my arse off. My mom knows what all our family members' vehicles look like, so I can't have any of them come and get me without her looking to see who's car I'm getting into.

    I was quite upset knowing I could not see my family this month, and my mom has already told me I can't see my family during Christmas-time either, and that any gifts they have for me will either be thrown away, given away, or returned to them. I'm not saying I want gifts, but that just shows how awful my mom is being to them and how she's alienating me from them...all of this over a petty little argument. I hate so much how my mom holds grudges against everyone - I'm sure my family members have said some negative things about me, but they're my family and I love them, and I know how to forgive and forget. My mom can't do that - she remembers each and every little fault caused in her life by a family member; she's got grudges against everyone.

    I'm at the very end of my rope - I want to be able to see my family for Christmas, but I don't know how I'm going to be able to do it. I haven't seen any of my aunts, uncles, cousins, or my grandma since July and I miss them; I used to be able to call them from my college (since I have no cellphone), but since the school now doesn't allow people to use the phones for anything other than employment purposes, I can't call home anymore. I miss everyone - I feel like I'm in prison, and my mom doesn't care how upset I am because all she knows is she hates her siblings.

    Any thoughts or advice, guys? I'd appreciate any help at all very much if anyone can offer me any.

     
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    Old 11-25-2005, 04:27 AM   #2
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    Re: My mom won't let me see my family

    im sorry to hear you are going through so much with your family. You are put in a pretty tough spot feeling like you have to choose between your mom and the rest of your family. My advise would be stand up to your mom. You are an adult now and she no longer can tell you whom you can and cant see. You could say im sorry mom that you do not want to see them or speak to them but they are my family to and i will be spending time with them on the holidays to. Leave it at that. Then the ball is in your moms court. If she chooses to be angry with you then that is her choice. She will get over it. I think in this type of situation you have to be blunt. If she does not want you to use her phone to call them perhaps there is a store nearby that has a payphone. Im sure your aunt would pick you up even if you have to meet her somewhere other than you moms house. I think you should make it clear to everyone in your family that you are not going to be put in the middle of their argument and that you are not taking sides. You are simply visiting your family. That way they dont try to use you as a middle man for their argument. Anyway good luck with whatever you choose to do and keep us updated.

     
    Old 11-25-2005, 06:03 AM   #3
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    Re: My mom won't let me see my family

    This sounds too familiar. My mom and her siblings HATE each other too. And she gives us a HUGE guilt trip for just liking them, let alone if we ever decide to visit them. She too holds grudges against EVERYONE who has done "HER WRONG"...(my mom is always right, always the victim, ALWAYS!...yeah, right~) well, I would say the same thing...just stand up to her....but what will this really accomplish at this time? You have to rely on her for transportation...your in school now, but, where do you go when school is out? home right? Unfortunately I think this is something you might have to deal with until you don't have to depend on her so much. If she is ANYTHING like my mom shes also stubborn, hard headed and won't ever see your oppinion as vaild. My mom thinks if someone does her wrong...it is MY duty to hate them in return. If you do decide to stand up and take charge....be aware that you may need another place to stay for awhile. It can get ugly! Especially were she thinks she is right and thinks she is the victim. GOOD LUCK!!!!
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