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    Old 12-22-2005, 03:02 AM   #1
    Betty Bee
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    6 year old is hitting daddy

    i have a 6 year old step son with a terrible problem of disrespect. he hits his daddy when being told what to do. we are so upset over the situation....we've put him in time out when he misbehaves....he refuses time out, kicks and screams and hits his daddy...he has so much rage in his face. he climbed on the kitchen counter lastnight, we told him he can't do that, he jumped off, hit his dad and walked away with an evil look in his eye.

    it has gotten so bad that he's told his dad he wants to "kill him" this is unacceptable and dad has resorted to slapping his mouth when he gets out of control like that. has anyone ever experienced a child hitting?

    we've contacted a counseler but are unable to see the counseler until after the new year...what to do in the meantime????

    he is a sweet and loving kid, but when he doesn't want to do something he gets so very angry....HELP!!

    Last edited by Betty Bee; 12-22-2005 at 03:04 AM. Reason: spelling

     
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    Old 12-22-2005, 06:15 AM   #2
    summertyme
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    Re: 6 year old is hitting daddy

    He has a lot of anger, and he needs to learn how to express it appropriately or else he will a) shut down or b) become a violent adult (most likely). Your husband needs to talk and LISTEN to him and teach him that there are appropriate ways to express anger and hitting is not one of them.

    Also, he is doing as much as your husband lets him get away with. My children hit a few times as very small children, but we put a quick stop to it by addressing it IMMEDIATELY. We sometimes used time-out or removal from the situation, and occasionally spanking when the situation warranted--hitting in the mouth is completely inappropriate, however. Your husband is the parent here and needs to take control. It's tough being a parent and sometimes you have to do things as a parent that you'd rather not do. I have found lots of success implementing the techniques on the TV nanny shows--maybe you and your husband could watch or get their book. But, doing what they advise is a LOT of hard work--much more hard work than just popping in him the mouth. But it does work.

    I hope this helps!

     
    Old 12-22-2005, 07:07 PM   #3
    Chellaine
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    Re: 6 year old is hitting daddy

    Hi Betty Bee,
    I am not claiming to be a perfect parent or anything by far. I also have a very aggressive 6 year old son. My son has ADHD, Developmental Delay, Tourette's Syndrome, Extreme Aggression, etc...
    My little guy takes meds for his ADHD and his aggression but they don't work all that well. His therapist from his Behavioral Modification class had given me some modeling clay and said that when he gets to the point when he becomes self-harming, which is often, or abusive towards others, also often, let him have the clay. Squeezing the clay is a stress reliever. Another good one is a small throw pillow, let him hit that for a while. Don't allow him to tear it up, but to take a little anger out on it until he feels a little better.
    Children feel stress and pressure just like adults do. Whether it be from parents being apart, parents fighting, bad school mates, wanting to please adults and worrying about not being able to, etc....
    I hope some of my suggestions help.
    Take care and Happy Holidays,
    Chellaine

     
    Old 12-22-2005, 07:42 PM   #4
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    Re: 6 year old is hitting daddy

    I have three children ages five, four and four and my children have tried to push me but the one thing someone told me a long time ago which stuck like glue is a child will watch to see when you are tiring or wearing thin. You have to be on top of the game no matter what. He's getting attention regaurdless if it's negative or positive. Kids are hit and miss, you have to find what works with him. You may find taking things away work, like leaving his room bare with nothing but a bed. You know time out doesn't work so cross that one out. Have you tried a chart and he gets a star every time he handles a situation calmly? Make sure you reward good behavior as well. Are you giving him more yes's then no's? When he acts out do you get down to eye level and explain to him why it's not nice? I know with my children when one hits the other I ask them if they would like me to hit them? They of course say no and I ask why not? They then realize because it hurts. Then sometimes I would say "ok , if your going to hit her then I am going to let her hit you back, is that fair?" of course that's not ok. So I mean there are lots of things to try. I agree with your son needing to turn his anger somewhere else. I know with my adhd children I teach I tell one little boy that every time he gets mad at me and wants to throw a chair or cry or yell that he is to run up to me and hug me as hard as he can. I have NEVER had another out burst with him and I get tons of hugs! He respects me because I did not play into his act. Good luck to you. You will find something that works. Don't you wish you had directions with kids??? LOL

     
    Old 12-23-2005, 11:04 PM   #5
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    Re: 6 year old is hitting daddy

    I recently went to a child care conference and one of the speakers talked about conflict resolution.One thing which stuck in my mind was this:

    When we get angry or upset, we loose our ability of rational thought, our head fills up with our emotions and we cant see past that. Talking, trying to discuss what went on (what happened) helps our emotions to die down and lets our thinking and rational thoughts back in.

    Can you think back to the last time you were angry, did you say things you didnt really mean, we all do it. That was your emotions speaking, taking over. When you calmed down did you regret what you had said, that was your rational thinking.

    Children are just like us, except they havent learned to control their emotions, they are still trying out every way possible to see what happens. Stay calm, talk through feelings, ask them why they are behaving like they are, get them to talk about it. You may have to wait a few minutes till the anger dies down. Give it a try a few times, it may not work at first, stick with it, remember he is just finding new things out (like us with some things).

    Give him examples of why we must not do some things (when he is calm), this helps things stick in their head if they can see why.

    Good luck

     
    Old 12-30-2005, 07:24 AM   #6
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    Re: 6 year old is hitting daddy

    You mentioned that he is a stepson. Is he with you all the time, or does your husband share custody with someone? I'm curious cause I've heard countless stories of kids picking up horrible behaviors from shared custody situations where one parent isn't giving the discipline they need, then when the other parent tries to discipline, the kids flip out. If this is the case, and he's allowed to get away with this type of behavior elsewhere, than there isn't much that's going to work except having a sit down with the other parent. Or sometimes one parent will either be putting down the other in front of the kid, or manipulating the kid to treat the other parent that way. I've seen this happen a few times too.

    Just something to think about if this is the case!
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    Old 12-30-2005, 07:50 AM   #7
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    Re: 6 year old is hitting daddy

    I think this is something a little discipline and a spanking will fix. Time outs don't seem to be doing the trick. I'm not talking about abuse, I'm talking about a swat on the butt.

     
    Old 12-31-2005, 12:29 AM   #8
    fifistoosh
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    Re: 6 year old is hitting daddy

    Dont start us off on that one again!

    Check out the other post on here about 'spanking on the bare butt' there is plenty there for you to read!

     
    Old 01-02-2006, 04:58 AM   #9
    Betty Bee
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    Re: 6 year old is hitting daddy

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by siren1024
    You mentioned that he is a stepson. Is he with you all the time, or does your husband share custody with someone? I'm curious cause I've heard countless stories of kids picking up horrible behaviors from shared custody situations where one parent isn't giving the discipline they need, then when the other parent tries to discipline, the kids flip out. If this is the case, and he's allowed to get away with this type of behavior elsewhere, than there isn't much that's going to work except having a sit down with the other parent. Or sometimes one parent will either be putting down the other in front of the kid, or manipulating the kid to treat the other parent that way. I've seen this happen a few times too.

    Just something to think about if this is the case!

    We have shared custody. One week on, one week off. As far as I know, his mom is a bit stricter with him. It's his daddy that has been loose with him and now we are begining to see the damage. This child is use to getting everything he wants and is catered to the extremes from his dad. His dad wants nothing but to please his son which is typical in a divorce situation. Since we have been putting our "foot down" and not saying yes to every request, his son is out of control.

     
    Old 01-02-2006, 10:01 AM   #10
    Halls
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    Re: 6 year old is hitting daddy

    50/50 custory is terrible for a child. A child naturally wants one home to call home, and in a 50/50 situation they don't have that. I know many people say 50/50 is good for the child, but that is just so not true. It is what is fair for the parents, not the child. It stinks but parents need to do waht is best for their child, not themself. The best thing dad could do is let his son live with mom and come there every other weekend.

    Also, if discipline is weak at dad's house than maybe it needs to be stricter. If mom seems to have him under control in her home than dad is doing something wrong. I'm not saying spanking is the answer but in my house if my son's hit they get spanked! And the result of that is hardly anyone hitting cause no one wants to get spanked.

    Anyhow, you can put the child into counseling and do all sorts of stuff for them to help, but the fact is the child wants one home and doesn't. He needs a plan to call home. Mom and dad need to sit down and come up with something better for their son and Coparent in a way that is best for this child, and not themselves.

     
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