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Need a way to overlook bio mom!!

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Old 05-11-2006, 05:39 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 88
littlegal HB User
Need a way to overlook bio mom!!

I love my step daughter very much but her bio mom is driving me crazy!! She lies, plays head games and tries to get her daughter to dislike me. How can I look at her and put on a happy face when I know what she does to me? I don't want the daughter to know my feelings about her own mother but it is hard not to show anger and bitterness to this woman!!!

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Old 05-11-2006, 08:45 AM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 15
mak0395 HB User
Re: Need a way to overlook bio mom!!

I can relate to you on so many levels. When I married my husband he had custody of his 2 children, boy 6 and girl 8. 'm not sure how I survived without biting off my tongue. Trust me, it's been 12 years and now that my stepchildren are adults we have a lot of talks and they are thankful of how I helped raise them, they knew of many times that I bit my tongue and they are greatful. Hang in there.

Old 05-11-2006, 11:16 AM   #3
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 473
katidid95 HB User
Re: Need a way to overlook bio mom!!

I agree with mak0395. My husband had 4 with his ex and they lived with their Mom in another state. He and the ex hated each other so much, that they had to communicate for visitation through the kids (which was difficult at that time because they were pretty young still). Anyway, later each came to live with us at various times, but my husband and I didn't really discuss "issues" about her in front of the kids. Believe me, once they get to a certain age, they KNOW. If you need to vent, do it with a friend or family member and just get it off your chest. If you spend time with your SD and have a relationship with her, there is nothing the bio mother can say that will hurt you in the long run. It is hard now, but the older she gets, the easier it will be.

Old 05-14-2006, 12:05 PM   #4
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: california
Posts: 213
angelique5 HB User
Re: Need a way to overlook bio mom!!

Exact same boat here...but it's been 15 years now, and my stepson will be 18 this summer...
I wish I'd been better at holding my tongue in the very beginning...I would get angry, and feel like someone needed to speak up for the child, and we'd have some knock down drag out fights. Which of course only fueled her fire against me. After a few years, I realized, I wasn't HELPING at all by speaking up to her... she was who she was... and sometimes that meant a lot of lying, and manipulating, and even neglecting her son. He knows now who raised him...who dealt with him when he was misbehaving, who provided for him, who was there day in and day out....that's all that matters in the long run.

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