I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over?

Ladykit1980

My boyfriend only lives with his parents during the summer. He's still in school but in another province so for the summer he comes home and stays with them. It's his last year.

Yes I plan on moving out, but was hoping I could pay off my debt from college years and my car and start saving up to buy a house. In my family we don't believe in paying towards something that you'll never own (rent, leases, etc). Maybe I'll just sit down with my mother and talk to her about it. But it'll have to be just her. Not around my step-dad. He tends to manipulate her thoughts and can interfere with the mother-daughter relationship I've always tried to keep. I'm the same way when it come to going out or anything. I always tell her where I am and when she should expect me home. When I decided to stay at my bf's place overnight I called her to tell her. It was a last minute decision. Plus, if she ever needs me, she can call me on my cell phone. We are close, just not as close as I wish we were.

Thanks for all your answers.

Mommyof4

I think it's a good idea to sit down with your mother and hear how she really feels about the situation. Maybe she has issues with him that she hasn't talked to you about. New relationships can be hard on families as they can't really air their feelings about the other person. In the beginning, that person seems perfect so the family is out of luck when it comes to saying anything negative.
Another thought is that maybe you aren't so much dealing with a hypocrite as you are dealing with a mother who has learned a lesson and doesn't want to see you make the same mistakes. No matter what, it is important both to the new relationship and to your relationship with your mom that you two sit down together and really listen to each other. Good luck

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Mindy (Type 1 Dx'd 11/94..Insulin Pump)

brook65

Look at what you have just said - in our family we don't believe in paying for something we will never own ie rent - but isn't that just what you are doing now? paying rent to your mum?

So you say you are saving up for a house - that could take years!

Also on another point, have you thought that maybe your mum is putting down these rules to encourage you to leave the nest??

Ladykit1980

Well, technically I do not pay rent to my mother. I give her money once every other week for food and etc. And it may not always be the same amount. Just whatever she asks for. And she has always told us (my brother, my sister and I) that she is in no rush to have us move out. To her, buying a house is more important than just wanting to leave the house. When my step-dad even jokes about "when are you going to move out?" she always says "no way. Why have them move out when they can save the money to buy a house of their own." She would rather us live at home until we either buy a place of our own, or get married. My uncle (who is in his early 40's) still lives with my grandmother. Our family doesn't believe in kicking out their kids. It's just how it's always been. However, my friends just offered me to rent out their (unfinished) basement for $250 inclusive. It's a really good bargan, but I don't know if it's something I want to do.

I still haven't had a chance to speak to my mom. I don't see her often. If I'm not out, then she is or my step-dad is around and I don't want to talk to her then. But I'll keep you all posted as to what happens. Maybe I can sit down with her early in the morning before I leave to work.

almac

I see what your saying, and I agree that your bf going home at this point was just silly. Given the situation I agree with you. However, he is a new bf and I wouldn't be happy with him staying over a whole bunch if I was your mom either. But, as long as this was a one time occurance then I think it should be acceptable.

Your mom needs time to get to know him, give her that much. Just so it doesn't feel like there are strangers coming and going at her house all the time... kind of like a 'due drop in' as my mom would say haha.

I'm 22, been with my bf for going on 3 years, lived together for 1.5 years. When we would come home for holidays he wasn't allowed to sleep on the same floor as me untill just recently when I became pregnant haha. So... as far as parents are rules go.. to each his own I guess?

So I agree with your point, but I also see your moms. Let her get to know him and be comfortable with him before you have anymore sleepovers.