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-   -   I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over? (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/parenting-issues/410597-im-26-should-my-bf-allowed-sleep-over.html)

Ladykit1980 07-17-2006 10:48 AM

I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over?
 
Hi. I'm 26 years old and have started dating a guy about 3 weeks ago. This weekend was the first time he slept over. I didn't know it at the time, but my mother was royally ****** that I let him sleep over. The reason I let him sleep over was because he lives 45 minutes away and we were at a friends place and he was drinking. So instead of having him sleep at my friends place, I asked if he wanted to stay at my place. I didn't think my parents would care as they had let my past bfs sleep over (one lived an hour away and apparantely they were mad when another bf slept over too, but only I just found out). My bf and I haven't had sex, only because I've been on my period for about 2.5 weeks (wrote about that issue under the women's health board). I know we would have had sex lots of times if I wasn't. But when my mother told me last night that she didn't like him sleeping over I told her we haven't had sex. She told me she didn't believe me. I freaked and told her we couldn't anyways becuase of my situation. But she pretty much made me feel like a **** or something. I've never slept around. I've only ever slept with serious boyfriends and I've only ever had 5 boyfriends since I was 18. For a quick background, my mother dated a guy less than 1 year after her divorce with my dad, and he moved in less than one year after being together...IN THE SAME BEDROOM :mad: . They lived together for more than 10 years before getting married.

How can I convince my mother that I'm 26 years old, I can make mature decisions about my life, and convince her that there shouldn't be a problem with my boyfriends sleeping over? Look what she did. I know it's her house and I'm "living under her roof" but I'm an adult. He's 27. What is the problem?:confused:

index.html 07-17-2006 10:53 AM

Re: I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over?
 
Sorry, but I'm of the "while you're under her roof, you have to abide by her rules" school. If you find her rules intolerable, consider getting a place of your own.

Ladykit1980 07-17-2006 12:15 PM

Re: I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over?
 
[QUOTE=index.html]Sorry, but I'm of the "while you're under her roof, you have to abide by her rules" school. If you find her rules intolerable, consider getting a place of your own.[/QUOTE]


I had planned on moving into my friends basement in the spring next year, however, since I know my mom could use the money, instead of giving my friends the $300 per month to live in their basement, I would pay my mom to stay there. Then that would change me from her child living there for free to a person paying room and board. Wouldn't that mean I should be able to do what I wanted?

And you may be old school, but she's a hypocrite. She won't let my sister or I have bf's sleep over (and my sister's dated her bf for 5.5 years now), however she lived with her bf for over 10 years, and only after dating for less than 1 year.

galinaqt 07-17-2006 12:57 PM

Re: I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over?
 
Even if you pay money to your mother she won't treat you any different. You are "a baby" to her no matter how old are you. My parents would be very uncomfi with me sleeping with bf under same roof as well and a lot of people I know.
What she allows herself is different since she is an adult. Adults can drink and smoke why kids can't. Same mentality.
I'd suggest you to leave separetly if you can.

msjones 07-17-2006 01:13 PM

Re: I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over?
 
So go sleep with your boyfriend at his place if it's really that important? Yes, you're twenty-six years old, but it's still your mother's house. I've known unwed thirty-something year olds who had long-since moved away from home and were not permitted to share a bedroom with their significant other while staying at their parents' house. If your independence and privacy and your right to live like an adult and have your boyfriend sleep over is important to you, then get your own place. Just because you give your mother money does not change the fact that you're still her daughter and not just a tenent living in her house.

gemmalou 07-17-2006 01:36 PM

Re: I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over?
 
have you ever had that awful feeling,,, when you think that your parents may actually still have sex (((ewwww))) maybe thats how your mother feels. I certainly dont want to know that my daughter's having sex let alone know that its in my house. fair enough you pay money to your mom, but its her house at the end of the day, while you live there you should respect your mom's wishes

dannysmom 07-17-2006 01:42 PM

Re: I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over?
 
You can convince her that you're an adult by moving out and getting your own place. Then you will be free to do whatever you choose.

tmarsh 07-18-2006 05:39 AM

Re: I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over?
 
I agree with the other posts. Out of respect for your mother's house, you should abide by her rules. My sister was engaged to her now husband and my mom wouldn't let him sleep over. Her thinking was "what they do at their house is their business, but since they are not married, they are not doing it here". Not that they would do anything anyway.

But, if it really upsets you, why not stay at his house? I agree that if he was drinking, you were being responsible by not letting him drive home. But, did he sleep on the couch or in your room? Perhaps if you would have explained to your mom that he was drinking and it was safer for him to stay (on the couch), then it may not have been an issue. But, if you're wanting to use your mom's house and plan on having sex there, then that may be her issue.

PinkPiglet 07-18-2006 12:10 PM

Re: I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over?
 
If you were in my house you wouldn't be allowed to either. While under her roof it's her rules. As others have said, you'll always be her little girl.

rosequartz 07-18-2006 12:42 PM

Re: I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over?
 
if you're old enough to have a BF sleep over, you're old enough to move out, or rent a motel room. Why would you want to have sex with your mom in the house anyway?

ozzybug 07-18-2006 01:20 PM

Re: I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over?
 
I hate to say it, but I agree with the whole "When living under your parent's roof..." thing as well.

Yes, you are 26, and yes, you do pay rent, but regardless it is her house, and if she is being a hypocrite, she is entitled to be a hypocrite in her own house. I'm not saying it makes it right, but it is her house and she makes the rules.

Sorry, I do understand how you feel though.

Ladykit1980 07-18-2006 04:06 PM

Re: I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over?
 
Wow, I can't believe how many people feel this way. I guess it makes sense, but why should it matter if we're married or dating? For example, my sister and her bf have been together for 5.5 years. So just because they can't afford a wedding or they've made the mature decision to wait until they're done school to get married and pay off student loans, they have to be punished? And just because my bf and I are sleeping in the same bed doesn't mean we'll have sex. Why does everyone assume that? Why should I make him sleep on my couch when my bed is big enough for two? So he has to be punished for being smart and not drinking and driving? And we have slept at his place (he lives with his parents too and they have no problem with my staying the night there). But all of our friends are in the city I live in and he lives almost an hour away. Why should we have to spend money to sleep together.

I can understand what you are all saying, but she let my past boyfriend sleep over because he lived an hour away. But this one is just shy of an hour away and she says no? It just doesn't make sense.

PinkPiglet 07-18-2006 04:31 PM

Re: I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over?
 
We obviously don't know what your mother is thinking or what her reasons are - you may want to sit down and have a serious discussion. However, I don't think I'd consider not sleeping over or not having sex as punishment! ;)

It's just the rules of the house. Until you've moved out on your own, and pay all the bills, you can't make those rules. That's just the way life goes.

index.html 07-18-2006 07:39 PM

Re: I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over?
 
[QUOTE=Ladykit1980]I guess it makes sense, but why should it matter if we're married or dating? [/QUOTE]

It matters because it matters to your Mom and it's her house.

suthrngrace 07-18-2006 10:54 PM

Re: I'm 26...should my bf be allowed to sleep over?
 
I have to say. I am surprised by how you feel. I am 30 years old and have been out of my mother's home for over 10 years now. However, when I go back there to visit: I am totally respectful. I have been married for 7 years, and have two children of my own. When I leave my mother's house, I tell her where I am going and when to expect me back. If I am going to be late, I call her. [COLOR="Red"]It is called RESPECT[/COLOR] This woman brought me into this world and did the best job she could to raise me, providing for my needs. It is really not a big hardship to show her some respect now that I am an adult and can understand exactly what she went through to raise me.

You have called your mom a hypocrite, but has it occurred to you that she is trying to save you from her own mistakes? You talk about punishment and having to suffer. You are 26 and live in your motherís home. This sounds like when I was a sniveling teenager who still thought the world owed me just because I existed. If you want to be in charge of your own life, then get out and get your own life, get your own place. Your 27-year-old boyfriend lives with his parents as well? Gee, this I simply do not understand. I do not mean to be unsympathetic, but it is beyond me. Do you ever plan to leave home?


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