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Jazzmine1212 10-15-2006 09:20 PM

Too attached to Grandma
My 10 month old is so attached to my mom that she never wants me to hold her. She wraps her arms around my mom and holds her tight. I feel so sad and upset when she does that. My husband and I can't understand why she prefers her over us. I'm with her all day, everyday. I kiss her, hold her, play with her and love her to you would think she would be attached to me. But instead she wants my mom over me. My mom visits every other day for about an hour during her lunch break. Then visits on Sat. for a few hours. My husband and I went on a mini trip this weekend for two nights for the first time. We thought for sure she would jump into our arms after not seeing us for 2 days. Well, she smiled, but didn't come to us when we opened our arms to her. She put her arms around my mom's neck and turned away!! I was just heart broken and crying, I felt terrible. What am I doing wrong? I don't understand. I give her so much attention and affection, always have. I don't know what else to do. Please help!

InsaneMom 10-16-2006 01:46 PM

Re: Too attached to Grandma
My oldest DD would do this when she was younger. I could never really figure it out either, but I found I just had to realize that it wasn't that she didn't love me. It was just that she enjoyed my mom a lot and that for her I was always there (she never worried about me not being there) and it was special for my mom to be around. To this day my mom and my oldest DD have a very special relationship that my mom doesn't have with any of the other grandchildren (not that she loves my oldest DD more, the relationship is just different). It is really wonderful to see when you can see though the jealousy. I was green wth envy too but I finally learned to see though it and appreciate the awesome relationship that they have since I never had special relationships with my grandparents.

BTW.. my dd was so bad that when she got the chicken pox at age 2 she woke me up screaming for "Ma" (what she calls my mom) from 2 am until 6:30 when I finally called my mom and she came over to see if we couldn't get her calmed down. Don't feel bad, sometimes it just happens.

missTee 10-16-2006 05:16 PM

Re: Too attached to Grandma
I have dealt with this problem as well. My dd is 4 and my ds is 22 months. My dd for some reason always wanted to be upstairs with "nannie". We live downstairs in her home. I stay home with them everyday for the most part. And I too shower her with love, affection, I play with her, I spend alot of time with her. She would always run up the stairs to show "nannie" her pretty dress, or tell "nannie" a story of some sort. When actually "nannie" does not pay THAT much attention to her and hardly plays with her at all. My husband and I were stumped. Until I had to put my foot down and say you can not go upstairs anytime you want whenever you want. I even asked her why she likes playing upstairs better then in her own place. She couldn't really give me an answer (she was 2-3 years old) I wasn't expecting much. But I just had to start limiting her time with my mother. Soon after she seemed to not obsess over her too much. And now she treats her the way every child should treat their a grandparent. Whether its because I limited their time or she just finnished another phase and went on to the next, I don't know. It hurts like hell I know, and you really scrape your brain trying to figure out what youre doing wrong...but its not you. and its that, that you have to remember. She loves you and like the other post read...she is not worried about you going anywhere. She knows you will always be around for her. Hope things work out soon for you, it can put alot of stress on you that is not needed.

mayam 10-19-2006 02:18 AM

Re: Too attached to Grandma
You are not doing anything wrong at all in fact, you are doing the right things.
I have a grandson who is particular attached to me and another one who always wants to be around his grandad. That's the way some children are and you have to have a big heart and be thankful that you can go off and know your child will be happy when you leave her. Do not think that it reflects badly on you in any way. You are a loving caring mom.


PatriciaB 10-25-2006 06:41 AM

Re: Too attached to Grandma
Jazzmine, don't worry! It's only natural. My grandbaby and her mommy lived with me for the first 16 months of her life and the baby did the same thing with us.
The appeal for the baby is that grandma is just for fun stuff! You are the one thay makes her eat the veggies that she may not want, you are the one that makes her swallow that nasty tasting medicine when she needs it, you are the one that gives her the baths she may not want, which is as it should be!
Grandma just sweet talks her, gives her lots of "fun" attention, buys her toys and doesn't make hr do anything she doesn't want to do.

Your baby is young but old enough to know what is fun and what is not. Don't worry. That baby will know soon enough that no matter what, you are the constant in her life. You are always there to take care of her and see to her needs and you can be fun too! Don't let this turn into a competition between you and grandma. Let them have their time together while they can because grandma is not always going to be there but your child will know that you always will be, for good and for bad.

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