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how can I help without over stepping my bounds

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Old 11-13-2006, 01:46 PM   #1
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how can I help without over stepping my bounds

My friend has a four year old boy. He is very rough (100% boy) but also talks back, yells, demands things, and is disobediant to her. She tells me her husband is the the one who disciplines but that doesn't make sense because he is gone all day and she is the stay at home parent. He is definately scared of his dad I have seen him obey him but not her. She doesn't put him in his place when he demands things or yells and has an attitude. She just sort of lets him do it. Anyways it drives me crazy to listen to how he acts out. I have even stepped in to ask him to listen to his mom and stop whatever he is doing. It works because he will listen to other people just not mom! I have a 2 1/2 year old and if he ever acted the way this boy does he would get a whooping!!! I have kind of tried to give advice and tell her that she should take over her husband's role as boss but I don't want to be pushy or try to tell her how to parent. But it makes my blood boil to see this little kid acting how he does and her just being nice back. Has anyone else been in this situation? I have wanted to say so many things to this kid just to help her out when she isn't really being the parent but that may be a bad idea. I don't know. Anyone been in this situation?

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Old 11-14-2006, 07:40 AM   #2
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Re: how can I help without over stepping my bounds

Besafe, this choice that this mother has made, to not discipline her son, will have major affects on him! For the sons, sake I would say something. Maybe she is afraid that if she disciplines him, he won't love her anymore. I would have a heart to heart talk with her. One of the effects of this choice that she has made is that he isn't going to have friends if he isn't nice. It seems that he will respond to discipline because of how he responds to his dad and you. Kids actually want their parents to be in control. It's really scary for a child to feel that he, this little child, is in control. I used to do child protection and I was transporting this foster child somewhere (I can't remember where). He started acting up and I firmly looked at him and told him how he needed to behave (I can't remember the details). He got this smile on his face and calmed down and looked like he was so happy. He basically lived in a chaotic home where dad was on drugs and mom was weak and felt that she was "under the children" in power. This child loved that an adult took control of the situation. He felt safe and cared for for once.

Old 11-14-2006, 09:12 AM   #3
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Re: how can I help without over stepping my bounds

I really don't think that anything you say will do any good UNLESS she asks for your advice.

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