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simplyheather 03-15-2007 02:15 PM

Please help! Difference in parenting....
My S/O and I have not had our child yet, but we are having some major problems when we discuss our parenting objectives. I am by no means a tradtional person, but I do believe in traditional values and morals being taught within the home. My s/o likes to go out and drink, and have a good time, and before I was pregnant, we always went out together. Now, I am advising him that I do NOT want any alcohol in the home. Special occasions are a different story, but sitting down and having a few beers with dinner or in the evening is unacceptable to me. He thinks that I am making a huge deal out of this, and it has been causing many fights.

I just want my son to grow up in loving home, that doesn't involve alcohol. My mother even thinks I am going a bit overboard. I feel like I dont want to expose my son to anything that he doesn't have to be. I don't think it would be putting the right image in his head. Am I being way too over-protective? This is my first child, but I don't want him to have to grow up in a home that condones any type of destructive behavior.

I really need help in resolving this before our son gets here, I am afraid that it may ruin our relationship!!!

Thanks in advance!!

galinaqt 03-15-2007 02:47 PM

Re: Please help! Difference in parenting....
Smoking is a bad example. Drinking beer doesn't seem as such a bad thing to me. My friends husband does it all the time. It is my take on it. It seems like you are doing big deal of it.

PinkPiglet 03-15-2007 04:03 PM

Re: Please help! Difference in parenting....
Whether you want it in your house or not is up to you. Some people drink and others don't. We have no alcohol in our home. We have a friend who is an alcoholic and has been sober for 10 years now. I do not want to have any drinks in the house for him to be tempted.

I also don't want any here for my teens to be tempted either.

When we go out or if we have people over we may have the odd drink but we don't have it here on a regular basis.

Everyone is different. Wouldn't it be nice if there was a rule book about this stuff?? :) Good luck on figuring it out for your family.

keyboardplaya 03-15-2007 06:57 PM

Re: Please help! Difference in parenting....
I grew up with my dad drinking beer during at least half of our dinners, sometimes even being offered to take a sip when I was as young as 8. I don't say that to shock you, though. I never became an alcoholic. I'm in college now, and even when I did drink it was no more than two beers or two glasses of wine. I've never been drunk in my life. My sister, on the other hand, drinks all the time and has smoked pot a few times.

I'm trying to quit drinking now, since my girlfriend disapproves (she's had bad feelings about drinking since she was about 4), but on my own I still wouldn't go overboard. I personally don't find anything wrong with drinking in the house, as long as it's not constantly there. My dad never forced me to drink, but sometimes I'm glad he did, because now alcohol isn't such a big deal to me, as it is with other people. To me, it's just another type of drink. It can do some damage if you drink too much of it, but then, so can Coke.

The point is, I don't drink to get drunk. I drink because I'm thirsty. That's my philosophy. I kind of wish my girlfriend let me drink a little, because I don't like rules in a relationship like that, but oh well. I'll live. I guess as long as you still allow sex in the house, he'll be okay. ;-)

Oh, and if you're worried about teens drinking in your house, just keep count of your beer.

firenice 03-15-2007 07:05 PM

Re: Please help! Difference in parenting....
A bigger problem is likely the way you are communicating as there will be other issues that come up regarding different parenting styles. You need to approach any discussion re: parenting styles as if its a negotiation becuase each party has a vested interest. So, if you have a little spare time, pick up a book on negotiation. That information will also come in handy when your child becomes a teenager!

galinaqt 03-15-2007 08:15 PM

Re: Please help! Difference in parenting....
I never grow to like beer, even though my father drinks it.

luvmy2kids 03-16-2007 07:01 AM

Re: Please help! Difference in parenting....
[QUOTE=simplyheather;2860470]This is my first child, but I don't want him to have to grow up in a home that condones any type of destructive behavior.[/QUOTE]I personally don't think that having a beer or glass of wine with dinner is destructive behavior, and think that showing children responsible drinking from an early age is better than acting like alcohol is taboo.

simplyheather 03-16-2007 09:17 AM

Re: Please help! Difference in parenting....
Thanks guys, I have a lot to think about, I still have time before my little one makes his grand entrance, its just hard. There's alot of bad stuff out there, I guess I just want to protect him from everything! *Which I know won't happen!!*

nikki2006 03-17-2007 12:19 PM

Re: Please help! Difference in parenting....
I dont think having a beer or wine with dinner is a big deal, however i dont think getting drunk with a child in the house is a good idea, simply becasue if something happened such as, your child needing to be taken to the dr in the middle of the night, you want your partner sober!

think it comes down to being responsible, there is nothing rong with alchol so long as its in moderation and doesnt pose a risk to your child. I have a 4 year old and if i ever want to drink past the point of a couple of glasses of wine, then my son sleeps over at his grandparents, doesnt happen often but in my opinion if your judgement is imparied then your child shouldnt be around, becomes a saftey issue..

ljames103 03-31-2007 11:43 AM

Re: Please help! Difference in parenting....
While I can understand where you're coming from, I think you may be overreacting a bit. I also believe in teaching my kids good morals and values, but we do have alcohol in our house, and have been known to have a drink or two with dinner on occasion. I don't really see anything wrong with it, as long as you are being responsible (i.e. not getting drunk, or drinking every day, etc.) Was this subject discussed when the two of you talked about having kids? I would assume so, since you feel so strongly about it. What was his take on it then?

Another thing to keep in mind, some people wouldn't consider it teaching good morals and values to have a baby with someone you aren't married to. That's not necessarily my opinion, and I'm not trying to be rude. It just helps sometimes to look at something from all sides.

jmcummins3 03-31-2007 06:36 PM

Re: Please help! Difference in parenting....
Does your s/o get drunk often or do you think he is an alcoholic? When you say "destructive behavior" to me that doesn't sound like a couple of beers with dinner. There is a difference between having alcohol in your house and getting drunk, being an alcoholic and "destructive behavior." If your s/o has a problem handling his alcohol, I agree there's a problem that you both need to resolve as soon as possible. Just having alcohol in the house or an adult having a drink or 2 with dinner on occasion does not promote "destructive behavior" but if your s/o has an alcohol problem, that's different. If you're just concerned with the mere presence of alcohol in your home, it really isn't fair to spring that on him now when you didn't have a problem with it before (I assume you never discussed this issue before you go pregnant). Try to see things from his perspective as well, it will help you both come to a reasonable compromise and strengthen your relationship.

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