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Help: my parents think they know everything

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Old 05-08-2007, 02:43 AM   #1
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Thumbs down Help: my parents think they know everything

I am not sure what to do. To make a long story short my soon-to-be ex-husband had put my son in foster care back in Oct. and I finally got him back Feb. 2nd. When the county gave him back to me they told me I needed to set up respite everyother weekend. My parents said they would do it. Well here comes the problem. Everyother weekend my son who is now 8 months old goes with them and they know what his routine is here at home but refuse to follow it. He goes to bed any where between 7-8 at home but not till after ten there. He eats on a schedule here because thats what the doctor wanted because he is already 22LBS there he eats when he wants. Another thing is they let him have chocolate, only a little bit but still.When he comes home his routine is all thrown off because of it I dont know what to do every time I metion something on how I want my son raised they tell me well we've raised 2 kids I think we know what we're doing. Please I need advice:
A) if I pull the respite weekends my son could go back into foster care
B) that would just kill my parents
C) my son love his grandparents so that would kill him too
D) as a single mom its nice to have the break but not at the sake of my son

Last edited by sburg1980; 05-08-2007 at 02:43 AM.

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Old 05-08-2007, 02:59 AM   #2
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Re: Help: my parents think they know everything

Your parents have him every other weekend. The fortnightly deviation from his routine is bothering you more than it is hurting him. As he grows older, he will know and differentiate between Mom's ways and Grandparents' ways. These are your parents. You are the only person who (possibly) loves your son more than they do. Lighten up! Cut them a little slack. The love and cherishing he gets there is making your life better, it is absolutely not hurting him. As to his weight, he is on the point of great mobility, and as he gets moving that will not be a problem. I can't see that eating at different times is going to make THAT much difference. When he is a couple of years older you won't be able to believe you stressed out over this stuff. Cheers, Sera

Old 05-08-2007, 06:57 AM   #3
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Re: Help: my parents think they know everything

Explain that children the age of your son require 14-16 hours of sleep a day for proper developement. Also the schedule is recking havoc with your routine and son's comfort for many days after he is returned. Schedules and routines are very important for children. Deviation can cause many propblems for those involved. When I was a chcild my parents kept to a set bed time and meal times with a couple of snack times in between. Didn't you? I would think that your parents are not following the same rules they followed with you. It happens to us all and will continue to happen until you let them see that you have transitioned from being just their child to a responsible mother of your own.

Let them have an hour leeway.. tell them bedtime is 7 at your house, but since it is a special time he can stay awake to 8 - 8:30 with them, but must sleep an hour longer in the morning. Staying awake until 10 pm is way to late for a child his age, every MD will back you up on that one. Make up a schedule of what you do when.. tell them to follow this as closely as possible. It is one thing to shift things a bit on occasion, it is another to blatantly ignore the routine of another. When your parents visit you do you make them go to bed at your bed time? No. They should respect your wishes as the parent.

We go and vist my sons GPs on a monthly basis. They are in another time zone.. it was killer reseting my sons sleep patterns for school and such. The fact that my sons has sleep apnea just made matters worse.

We had to put our foot down and said this is when he eats and sleeps you can play and enjoy his waking hours. You are the mother it is your child and you must act in the best interest of your child. Step up to your parents and tell them that they must treat you as such. Let them know that their actions are not mature or helpful to you and you are looking into other options for your respite weekends. What about your sibling? Can you arrange a respite with another family member for a change? Aunt/Uncle etc. This might let them see how serious you are about the situation.

Explain about the diet and tell them you are trying to promote healthy eating.. if they want to give him something sweet, try fruit. But the chocolate concerns you due to your childs current weight and the pediatricians recommendations. It is for you to be the mother now and learn from your own mistakes. They must give you the respect as your child's mother and not undermine your decisions, because it will only worsen as years go by..

If we learn by our mistakes, I am working on one hell of an education.

Old 05-08-2007, 07:59 AM   #4
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Re: Help: my parents think they know everything

Most people will agree to reasonable request, particularly if they understand why. Just explain to them why you want all this done but be willing to give a little too. You have him most of the time. They just want him to be happy and enjoy spending time with them. Stress to them your concerns, but remember he is at their house and NOT yours. You can't tell them what to do in their house. You can offer suggestions and be nice when you do. My MIL always said "you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar".
Good Luck!

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