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12 year old daughter has a lying problem

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Old 06-10-2007, 09:32 PM   #1
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BabblingBrooke HB User
12 year old daughter has a lying problem

I have revently discovered that my daughter lies a LOT! She has recently gotten an AIM account (instant messaging) and I check her conversations occasionally for safety's sake. I sit there in awe though as I read these conversations that sound nothing like the girl I know and I know are not true whatsoever. The sad part is is that she will continue to talk about the subject like she actually believes it. She has had conversations with some of her closest friends that she is moving next summer to another state and how much she will miss them, but she will never forget them. (none of this is true whatsoever!!) She has also sworn up and down that we are related to a certain high profile singer and that I(mom) am good friends with her and that we talk regularly and that she even sang at my husbands and my wedding (definetly not true either!!)
It scares me to death that not only is she telling these lies she elaborates on them and her friends trust her. I have confronted her before and have talked about how important trust is and that if you take that trust out of a relationship there's really nothing left. I have told onfusedher that she is such a great person and friend and that there is no reason for her not to be herself, but apparently this has not helped My thinking is that somewhere down the line she received attention for 1 lie and loved the attention that it brought and continued down that journey of lying? Has anyone else experienced this? Any suggestions of what to do or say? I'm so afraid that one day it will all come back to haunt her and that she won't have any friends who trust her.

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Old 06-11-2007, 08:08 AM   #2
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Airdrie, Alberta, Canada
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PinkPiglet HB User
Re: 12 year old daughter has a lying problem

She is looking for attention yes. And yes, unfortunately it will probably come back to bite her. It may be be the only way she'll learn.

Does she know you monitor her IM? My kids know I will be looking at all their correspondence for safetys sake. That way they can't say I'm snooping.

You need to tell her you know and ask her why she is telling these lies. My girls had a couple of friends who lied about a lot of things that were just so obvious you just looked at them and wondered what planet they were from, and yes, those friendships are now over. My older dd especially, got tired of the lies and just ended the friendships.

I'm not saying my kids have never done it but these were girls that lied constantly.

I hope you can get to the underlying reasons and get her to understand that it needs to stop.

Old 06-26-2007, 04:13 PM   #3
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Join Date: May 2006
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brook65 HB User
Re: 12 year old daughter has a lying problem

Hi This is definetely an attention thing. I remember as a kid I had a friend exactely like that, she was always trying to impress and be better and bigger than me. If I had done something, then she would of done it first, and it would of been better. Or if something bad had happened to me, then she had already gone through it, and it would of been much much worse.

I am assuming she is a teenager, I would take her aside one day, and ask her about it, ask her why she does it.

If this isn't addressed, it could go into adulthood, and turn into a bad habit, that she can't break.

The problem is, to be a good lyer you have to have a great memory, and you could point out to her that she could come unstuck, and make herself look silly.

There not exactely white lies, these are quite big lies.

Good luck with her

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