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  • 2 year old... sleeps with me... won't go to bed until MIDNIGHT!

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    Old 10-01-2008, 10:18 AM   #1
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    2 year old... sleeps with me... won't go to bed until MIDNIGHT!

    Bare with me! I have a lot to explain before I get to my problem!

    In the beginning you have the bassinet by your side, if you breastfeed you don't even get up out of bed to pick her up and lay her by your side. I was one that heard every move, every breath, everything!!! I was obsessed with her! I had waited so long to meet her (as all mothers do!) and I missed her so much being with me for 9 months in my belly that I just didn't want her out of my sight. My husband at the time and I had been having problems that started before I even had the baby and after I had her he basically moved to the other room because he had to wake up at 3:00 every morning to go to work and with the baby up every two hours he just couldn't handle it. So she stayed with me and slept with me every night. I did end up getting her crib and putting it beside my bed and sometimes she would sleep in it and sometimes she wouldn't. After the horrors of hearing other children abducted in their own bedrooms (Jessica Lunsford - 30 miles from my home) I had ruled her sleeping in her bedroom out 100% because at the time her bedroom actually had a door leading to outside which freaked me out even more! People are just sick anymore and I just couldn't bear the thought of something like that happening to my daughter.

    She is 2 and a half now... instead of a teddy bear, or a baby doll, or even a blanket her security is my hair. She can't sleep at night without holding it and pulling it. I actually have lost hair because of this - don't get me wrong it's very thick and couldn't hurt to lose a few but it's just the point I guess. Infact she won't sleep at all until between 11:30 - 12:00 AM! It doesn't matter what time I lay down (8:30-9:00) with her, she is up and can't keep still until 12 every night!

    Now the first thing you might ask is what do I give her to eat or drink?? After 5:00 she has NO Sugar, and never any caffeine unless she has a sip of my pepsi sometimes... I have went out and actually bought in the bulk the new Zephryhills Flavored water that has no sugar no caffeine, etc. And she loves it. Next thing you might ask is about her daytime naps... she wakes in the morning at about 6:45, takes a nap every day around 12-2:30 and that's it! I have discussed with her babysitter (she watches 6 kids in her home - and has done it for 20 years and I LOVE HER!) that maybe she doesn't need a nap because she is maybe sleeping too much in the day and maybe that is why she can't sleep til late every night and she basically said it was impossible because the rest of the kids take a nap and they all do in her living room on palletts! So that's out!

    I started school about a year ago and I do my classes online. I work full time and do online school full time. In the beginning I had her on a great schedule where she did sleep in her bed in her room and she went to bed at 9:00 (she was also drinking a bottle at night then and that is what helped her go to sleep with no problem! But she has no bottle now) but that only lasted 2 months and she got sick so I put her in my bed one night and that was the end of that.

    I have now tried EVERYTHING... I have read books where you need to close the door and even lock it with the lights off and that is one thing I have not tried nor will I EVER try! It made me sick to even think that people actually do that. That in my opinion would be very traumatizing for a child and I don't agree with it. I have bought baby dolls with "like" real hair and sat in her bed and read her books, etc. but she is just all over the place! She wants to color at 10:30 and eat, and line her baby dolls up and move them around over and over again... she is just so busy but the time NEVER fails! 11:30 - 12 every night!!!

    I am trying to get her in her bed in her room, I would have a baby monitor still because of my worries but I don't know what to do... I need advice because I am at my witts end with this and I just feel this will last forever if I don't do something now. My daughter comes before my school and everything else in my life but my schooling is taking a toll because of this, because I have to lay with her for her to go to bed and in turn I fall asleep myself and that time when she should be in bed is when I try to do my work so I am not disrupting my time with her while she is awake. But I have done this. It's my fault that I have allowed her to become so attached to me at bedtime and I don't want her to suffer because of my faults. What do I do?? She is my life and I hate to even see or hear her cry, I don't know how I am going to make her stay in bed because all I really want to do is have her right by my side as much as she wants me by hers, but it can't be healthy for her to be going to bed so late and I feel that she could go to bed quicker and easier in her own bed.

    What do you guys think? When I say I work full time and go to school full time, I work til 4, pick her up and spend all my time with her until we go to bed every night. I try and get up after she is asleep to do my work and Thank GOD for online classes! So she isn't lacking attention because I give her my undivided as soon as she is picked up from daycare. So as far as her being so needy at night isn't because she I don't spend time with her because all my time goes to her. I hope I haven't been all over the place with this. I am just trying to state everything that goes on to see what everyone thinks about this... I wish I had my February 2006 due date Mommies... we went through so much together on this forum!!!

    I am just in need of advice from past experience or even books that could help! Anything! I don't want this to be a traumatizing time for her because as much as it will be traumatizing for her it will be for me also!

    Last edited by candice12; 10-01-2008 at 10:34 AM.

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    Old 10-01-2008, 11:32 AM   #2
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    Re: 2 year old... sleeps with me... won't go to bed until MIDNIGHT!

    I can understand where you are coming from. I'll be brief. First do not be too hard on yourself! Every child is different. I would try waking her up very early one morning. I think an afternoon nap is fine, maybe no more than an hour in the early afternoon. Since my DS who is now 4 yrs. is going to preschool, he is more tired and ready for bed earlier. He used to stay up until 11:00PM and sleep later.

    We also had to talk to his Dr. because he just would get so hyper right around supper & bedtime and would not fall asleep.She recommended Melatonin,1/2 a tablet 30 min. before bedtime. It helps him fall asleep, but he still wakes up once in the middle of the night. He used to sleep with us, but now he sleeps in a sleeping bag in our room when he wakes up and comes in our room.. no more room in bed because I also have a 3 month old little boy who I am breastfeeding! Yikes!!

    I do not know how to keep him in his room all night. We hope he will grow out of waking up in the middle of the night and wanting to sleep in our room.

    Old 10-01-2008, 05:38 PM   #3
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    Re: 2 year old... sleeps with me... won't go to bed until MIDNIGHT!

    Candice, you're not alone with this. I'm having problems with my nearly 4 year old daughter and her sleeping. My daughter will have me up until 4 or 5 am, then be up early and doesn't nap during the day. I've tried everything to get her to sleep without any luck. I've tried locking her in her room, and felt absolutely terrible doing it (even though I would unlock it the second she was asleep) but that never helped either. The only thing that helped with is it's taught her how to scream at the top of her lungs.

    The only thing I can suggest is taking your daughter to the doctor. There's no guarantees that the doctor will be able to help, but I'm at that resort now (I've gone with a couple hours sleep every night for the last approximately year). I'm taking my daughter to the doctor tomorrow for the same thing, not sleeping. I'll let you know what the doctor advises me. I don't want to medicate my child, which I'm sure you don't either, but apparently there are things that doctors can do/prescribe that will help.

    Old 10-01-2008, 09:24 PM   #4
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    Re: 2 year old... sleeps with me... won't go to bed until MIDNIGHT!

    after years of sleeping perfectly fine in his own bed, my 5yr. old started crawling into bed with me. 1st I wasn't having it, which resulted into yelling at 1am. Then I let him come in, but he had to sleep on the floor. Try not to make it so comfortable. What about alot of outside, vigerous play in the evening? I would start with gettin that kid to bed earlier by tiring her out. You mentioned you were a bit paranoid. Are you making the same mistake I made with my daughter. 8 and won't play outside unless I'm 6 feet from her. Maybe she is sensing that. My son is just about 6 and I'm for the most part sleeping alone again. I get a 5am visit once a week. Good Luck !!!

    Old 10-17-2008, 01:08 PM   #5
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    Re: 2 year old... sleeps with me... won't go to bed until MIDNIGHT!

    My daughter is going to start seeing a child psychologist now. I also have the option of giving my daughter valendin (I believe that's how it's spelled) to help her sleep. I haven't used that yet as that's what is used in herbal sleeping pills for adults, and there isn't enough data to know what it's effects are on kids. I've taken my daughter off Gravol, but every night about 2 hours before I want her to go to bed I give her a drink of milk or juice that is "spiked" with Benedryl and a diluted chammomile tea. That seems to be helping her get to sleep before the sun comes up, and I can't wait until she starts seeing the child psychologist.

    It turns out that the reason my daughter isn't sleeping very well is because of the abuse she's suffered when she had to go see her father. Apparently he would wake her up by beating her at night (lots more has come out to the police about what he's done). My family doctor and I are hoping that once she starts talking to a child psychologist and starts airing what's happened to her that she'll start to sleep better. Unfortunately she can't get in to see the psychologist until the middle of November, which is why I started with the Benedryl and chammomile tea.

    I hope this help, and hopefully your daughter starts going to bed earlier.

    Old 10-19-2008, 08:14 AM   #6
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    Re: 2 year old... sleeps with me... won't go to bed until MIDNIGHT!

    First of all, and please don't be offended- why on earth are you giving you daughter flavoured water? its full of artificial sweeteners, and may affect her biological patterns. what else does she consume?
    it sounds like you practise attachment-style parenting (Ferberizing is the style where you lock the doors when the kids don't sleep)- its hard but a very admirable way to raise children. I agree with the previous poster about vigorous play. I nanny 2 children (also raised following an attachment style) and i literally have to get them exhausted during the day for them to sleep around 7. If they aren't exhausted, they'll be up until 11 (and up at 6). ( I wonder what would happen if you took her for a run or hard play for half an hour-u may find you won't need to take 3-4hrs putting her to bed).
    We had to stop giving the 3 year old naps when she was 1.5 yo. if we gave her even a half-hour nap, she'd be up until 11.

    Is she cranky in the hours she's awake or is she just not tired?
    What kind of activities does she do at the sitters? I suspect if she's just doing crafts/colouring/reading, etc and eating artificial foods, changing these things can solve your problems.

    Old 10-20-2008, 09:02 AM   #7
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    Re: 2 year old... sleeps with me... won't go to bed until MIDNIGHT!

    I had these kinds of problems with my youngest and the only thing to do was take her out right before bath time and run her.. or wrestle or something very physical and nonstop for about 45 min to an hour. This plus I used lavender in her bath water.. and she was out soon after putting her to bed after I started doing this.. Before she was never tired.. not cranky or anything.. just not tired..

    Old 10-21-2008, 12:56 PM   #8
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    Re: 2 year old... sleeps with me... won't go to bed until MIDNIGHT!

    I believe it is all about consistency. My son is 2 and he was having problems going to sleep when he was about one so I tried the SuperNanny technique of sitting in his room with my head down beside his crib and not saying anything to him, by the end of the week I was sitting outside his door. He always had the same routine now it's bath, read a book, kisses and hugs and I leave him. He is still awake when I put him down but I have never given in when it came to bedtime. I don't think it makes me a mean mother this was just very important to me so I was firm and consistent in getting him to sleep on his own. I know it can be exhausting but it pays off in the long run.

    I hope it all works out for you.

    Old 10-26-2008, 01:23 PM   #9
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    Re: 2 year old... sleeps with me... won't go to bed until MIDNIGHT!

    I am having difficulty with my daughter who just recently turned 2. And needless to say, I need adice!!!
    She won't fall asleep unless we lie down with her and won't fall asleep at all for me or my husband for naps.

    For naps, she is perfect for her grandma's and sitter she goes to sleep on her own. Her grandma's even tried to lie down with her when she started in her 'big' bed and she told them to go. I have had her run outside so that she is exhausted. She gets very tired, that she rolls her eyes when I read her book before her nap. I have tried to tell her to show me how she goes to sleep on her own and she'll go to her pillow and close her eyes, but the minute I move she is screaming. I have tried a few times through her life to seperate myself from her, and of course she is a puker too. So she will cry until she pukes. I have since told her in a mad tone not to puke and she won't now, but for naps she will cry for 2hours even though she is exhasted. My husband and I put her down and check on her and she will cry for 2hours. My husband has a week heart and sometimes he will sit by her bed, but she stills cries! We have tried this for a few weeks and we can't go anywhere (in the car) because she falls asleep in 2 minutes flat. She is so strong willed I don't know what else to do. I have from day one, had the same routine for naps, and bedtime, and keep her active so that she is tired. She is tired alright, but is getting the best of her mom and dad :|

    Any advise?

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